


Scars and Souvenirs

by OfEndlessWonder



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-27 12:26:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 81,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6284518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfEndlessWonder/pseuds/OfEndlessWonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months after her messy break-up with Cat, Kara is back in National City for James and Lucy's wedding. Old feelings that never really died come rushing back to the surface, but is it too late for the two of them to try and pick up the pieces of what they once had and try to put it back together again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm baaaaaaack. 
> 
> This story is even more monstrous than anything I've ever written for this fandom before, I hope that's okay with you guys. It's split into ten parts, and I will hopefully be posting one every four days or so :)
> 
> I wrote this entire thing in between the gaps for 1x15 and 1x16, so for the purposes of this fic, ignore anything that happened during and after 1x16. Canon isn't mentioned so much anyway, because all parts of this story are set several months after the events of the season so far, but just bear that in mind. 
> 
> There are a lot of flashbacks in this, which are indicated by italics. They're not in any particular order, they're just reflecting what's happening in the present day. POV will switch between chapters, so we can get a glimpse into both of our girls' heads. 
> 
> Huge, huge thanks to residentgeekmonkey for all her help with this, you're awesome.
> 
> And now I'll stop rambling and let you guys jump into the story - it's a little different to anything I've done before but hopefully you guys enjoy it!

_The dust on the floor_  
_Piled up from the years_  
_All those scars and souvenirs..._

* * *

 

"Kara."

It's just a word. It's just her name – a sound she's heard a hundred thousand times in all the years she's been alive, that she'll hear for as long as she keeps breathing. But at the sound of it falling from those lips, little more than a choked gasp too quiet for those with normal hearing to even notice, from a voice that she hasn't heard for over six months, knocks the breath from her lungs, her knees trembling and she thinks she might have fallen, if not for the strength of Winn's desk at her back.

James, Lucy and Winn all fall silent as Kara turns her head, clenching her jaw to stop any traitorous tears from falling, because she hasn't laid eyes on Cat Grant in so long, even though it's a face that haunts her dreams each and every time she closes her eyes.

She'd barely even been able to step foot in the CatCo building that morning. She'd stopped in the lobby, overwhelmed and dizzy as a dozen memories overcame her, and she'd had to duck inside a bathroom, hide herself from view. Her hands had curled around the sink and she'd taken deep, shaking breaths and her hands had trembled so hard that for a moment she was scared that the porcelain was going to crack beneath her grip.

She'd managed to get herself under control, though, to stop the rising panic that she felt in her chest – she'd raised her head and she'd marched to the elevator and she'd pressed the button for the fortieth floor before she could talk herself out of it.

Six months ago she'd walked out of this building and left it (and the love of her life) behind, and she'd never wanted to be back here again.

But it's been six months, and she should be _over_ it by now (she's not – sometimes, in the dead of night, alone in a new bed in a new apartment in a different city, she closes her eyes and she can still feel the ghost of Cat's arms wrapped around her waist) and doesn’t think she ever will be. 

Locking eyes with Cat almost makes her sob, because her mind had done such a poor job of remembering her. She's painted her more times than is healthy, ever since she'd left, but even her very best work pales in reality to the sight of Cat standing before her.

She's wearing a skirt that hugs her in all the right places, and a black blouse with two buttons undone – in the hollow of her throat a blue gem sparkles on a thin silver chain, and Kara's heart aches because a year ago she'd fastened that chain around Cat's neck with trembling hands, and she has no idea how she's supposed to feel knowing that Cat still wears it.

Cat is appraising her, too, and Kara can tell by the tremor of her hands that she's fighting hard to keep her expression blank. Because they're in the very public arena of the bullpen, and none of these employees save Kara's friends know of the details of their history. Kara had just… disappeared, one day, and they all just assumed that Cat had finally, finally made her crack.

But god, it was so much more than that.

"I... I'm s-sorry, Miss Grant." She doesn’t know how she manages to speak with the weight of those eyes that had once looked at her with so much love settled on her skin. Cat had always seemed to see through her, to see beneath what Kara showed to the world, and she wonders if Cat can see the months of restless nights where she'd cried herself to sleep, if she can see the way that leaving Cat had broken her beyond repair, the way she's barely able to hold herself together. "I didn't... I was told you were in a meeting."

She never would have come here if she'd known that running into Cat was a possibility. She would have stayed far, far away, ignored the itch under her skin to know what CatCo was like now, whether anything had changed or if things were still the same. 

"Yes, well, I _was_." Cat's eyes glance nervously over her shoulder, and Kara wonders for a sickening moment if it hadn't been a meeting at all but a date, and Cat's new lover is about to stroll around the corner and slide an arm around her waist, and that might be the final blow that shatters her completely.

She sees the reason for Cat's nerves, though, when she spots a flash of brown curls appear, and Kara feels the breath knocked from her all over again because Cat hadn't been the only one she'd left behind.

No, she'd left a son as well.

Carter has his eyes on the floor, and Kara allows herself a breathless moment to take him in – he's grown at least three inches since she last saw him, taller than his Mom, and he looks so much _older_. But then he raises his head, frowning for a moment at his Mom before he turns, and Kara knows she won't recover from seeing them both like this, so unexpectedly, as their eyes meet.

She remembers those same eyes, filling with tears as she'd told him that she was leaving, and swallows back a sob.

"Kara." His eyes had been blank (and there's a cut on his cheek, a bruise at the base of his jaw, and Kara feels a flare of protectiveness spark in her chest at the sight), but there's a flicker of excitement in them as they land on her. "You came back."

"For the wedding." Her mouth feels like it's stuffed with cotton, tongue like lead, and she wonders if it's obvious to everyone around her that she's seconds away from a breakdown.

James and Lucy had finally set a date, and she'd asked Kara and Alex to be bridesmaids (Kara remembers fondly, whenever she's having a particularly bad day,  the look of horror on Alex's face as she'd wondered what kind of dress Lucy was going to have the both of them wear).

Carter nods, though Kara swears there's disappointment on his face. Cat's still staring at her, frozen in place. "How... How are you?" The question's directed at Carter, but her eyes are locked on Cat's face, sees the way her lip curls, hears the tiny scoff she lets escape.

And then she's moving, stalking past Kara on four inch heels and slamming the door to her office loudly behind her, and Kara winces at the sound of it, feels it rattle around in her skull.

"I've been better," Carter shrugs, frowning as he looks towards his Mom.

"What happened to your face?" It's easier for her to breathe without the weight of Cat's eyes on her, though it's taking every ounce of self-control she has not to sneak a look into her office.

"Nothing." His expression is closed-off, and Kara aches because once upon a time, he would tell her everything, even the things he was too terrified to tell his Mom. "You shouldn’t have come here." He says it quietly, too quietly for prying ears to hear, but Kara still flinches like she's been slapped, and she feels Lucy's hand pressing against the small of her back in an effort to comfort her. "I mean, I'm glad you did." He takes a step forward and offers her a tiny smile, and she feels like a weight has been lifted from her chest. "But..." He casts his eyes towards Cat's office once more as he chews on his bottom lip, and Kara can't help but let hers follow, turning her head and telling herself she's allowed to look, just for two seconds.

She sees Cat's shaking hands curled around a glass of amber liquid, watches as she lifts it to her lips and tosses her head back, setting it back on the counter and filling it up immediately afterward.

"It's not good for her," Carter finishes quietly, and there's a forlorn look in his eyes and Kara feels her own fill with tears because it's been hard for her, but at least she has people she can talk to – Cat only has her son, and Kara knows she'll have been trying her hardest to make it seem like she's got it together in-front of him.

She wonders how many empty bottles of bourbon are hidden in her room, how much she drinks at night when Carter has gone to bed and she can fall apart without his prying eyes on her, and feels her stomach churn with guilt.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, voice ragged, because she _is_. She'd never meant to hurt Cat – hell, she hadn't even meant to fall in love with her, but she had, and she'd fallen hard, and for almost two years she'd felt true, blissful happiness, and then it had been ripped away and she's barely felt anything but empty since.

"I know," Carter shrugs, because he'd seen her the day she'd told him she was leaving, he knew how much it had killed her. "But that doesn't change anything."

He's practically a stranger to her, now. She can't read his face, whereas once she'd been able to know what he was thinking just from the look in his eye, or the curl of his lips, and it shakes her more than she ever thought it could.

"I should just... I'll go." Her mind has been screaming it to her ever since she'd heard the sound of Cat's voice, because coming here had been an awful idea and she never should have listened to Lucy, despite her continued assurances that Cat would be gone from the office until later that day.

"Kiera!" Is shrieked not a moment later, and Kara blinks, wondering if Cat had somehow suddenly developed superhearing, too. She's surrounded by curious faces as pretty much everyone in the bullpen turns to glance her way, wondering if Cat's about to murder her for their entertainment, and it's only Lucy's hand pushing at her back that gets her to move.

"Go!" She hisses in Kara's ear, and Kara's tempted to bolt and run away, just like she had all those months ago, because it would be so much easier than having to face Cat alone. But Carter's nodding at her and Kara's never been able to refuse Cat anything (the ragged gasp of ‘you promised me you wouldn’t leave me’ runs through her mind and maybe she should amend that to _almost_ anything), so she takes a deep breath and forces herself to walk towards Cat's office on shaky legs.

x-x-x

_"Miss Grant?" Kara sticks her head into the office hesitantly, because the last time Cat had spoken to her it was with a scream to get out and chase up the layouts for their latest issue – they were almost three days behind, and to say Cat hadn't been dealing with the stress well was an understatement._

_It didn't help that her mother had appeared in her office unexpectedly that morning, and Kara had had barely two seconds to warn Cat before she strode inside to find Katherine Grant folded into one her couches, and Cat has been taking it out on her all day, but what was Kara supposed to do, float her out of the window before Cat could see?_

_"Come in." Cat's on the same couch Katherine had been on, legs folded beneath her lap and a hand rubbing at her tired eyes, a half-empty bowl of M &M's sitting beside a glass of bourbon. _

_"Your layouts." The rest of the bullpen had long gone home, and Kara aches to herself – she's had a rough few days at the DEO, and she's looking forward to crawling into bed and getting a solid few hours sleep._

_But she doesn’t usually leave until Cat leaves, and judging from the way Cat's lip curls as she glances over the layouts Kara passes to her, she doesn’t think that's happening anytime soon._

_"I'm sorry, for yelling at you earlier," Cat murmurs after a moment, without lifting her eyes from the sheets in her hands. "It's not fair of me to take my anger out on you."_

_"It-it's okay." Kara doesn’t think that Cat has ever apologised to her before, no matter how cruel the comment._

_"It's not," Cat murmurs in reply, and then she's patting the space beside her and Kara sinks onto the couch without even thinking. "You do good work here, Kiera. And I know it doesn’t always seems like it but I... I value what you do." She's still not looking at Kara, and she's glad – she doesn’t know to respond to this, wonders just_ how _many glasses of that bourbon Cat has had today, because this kind of praise... it's unheard of._

_The flutter she feels in her chest at Cat's words, though, that’s not new. She's had a crush on her boss for as long as she can remember, and it's always harder to ignore whenever they're alone in the office like this. Lately it's been even worse, because Cat's warmer towards her than she ever has been before, and it makes Kara's head spin._

_"What do you think of these?" Cat asks, then, stretching her arms in-front of her with a layout in each hand, eyeing them critically. "There's something..._ off _."_

_"I think..." Kara trails off, narrowing her gaze slightly as she searches for the fault. "I think these two should switch places."_

_She has to indicate which pieces she means with her hand – she braces one arm across the back of the couch and extends her other, fingertips accidentally brushing the bare skin of Cat's lower arm as she goes, and Cat's reaction, to anyone else, would have been unnoticeable._

_But she's got supersenses and she hears the tiny hitch of Cat's breathing, the spike in her heart rate as their skin touches, the feeling electric and shooting across Kara's skin like tiny sparks, and when Cat shivers against her, Kara's mouth goes dry._

_"Which two?" Cat presses, her voice steady though her breathing is shallow, and Kara leans daringly closer, allowing herself to breathe in the dizzying scent of Cat's perfume._

_"These." Her voice is breathless, and her fingers tremble, and when Cat turns her head she's close enough for Kara to feel her breath against her lips, to see the way her pupils dilate when she meets Kara's eyes, and Kara wonders what expression is on her face, if it's the awe that she feels flood at her at how absolutely beautiful Cat is, or the anticipation that thrills through her veins at being so close._

_She doesn't move away – she_ can't _. Her self-control is incredible because she's been working with Cat for years but she's never slipped and let her desires be known, but it’s wavering now. She's never reached out to run her hands over exposed skin no matter how great the temptation, never blurted how gorgeous Cat looks whenever she gets dressed up for an event, never allowed herself to tangle a hand in that blonde hair and bring their lips together, no matter how many times a day she fantasises about it._

_Right now she's itching to do just that, because her hand is splayed across the back of the couch behind Cat's head and god, it would be easy. It would be so, so easy and Cat's looking at her like she wants her but there's a part of her that's still terrified, because why, out of anyone in National City, would Cat Grant ever want_ her _?_

_"Kara..." It's the breathless whisper of her name that undoes her, because it's the first time she's ever heard Cat say it correctly and it sends a flood of heat through her, the way Cat drags it out like she's savouring the way it sounds._

_So she lurches forwards and presses her mouth against Cat's, and it's messy and clumsy and not perfect like the way she'd imagined it would be, but Cat's kissing her back with a hand cradling the side of her face and Kara lets a low groan slip from between her lips._

_And it's over almost as soon as it began, the hand that had been pulling Kara closer instead beginning to push her away, and when Cat leans back her eyes are wild and her cheeks are flushed and her breathing is laboured and Kara doesn’t think she's ever seen a more beautiful sight in her entire life._

_"This cannot happen," Cat says them, her eyes closing for one heavy moment – when they open her expression is carefully blank, though she can't control her racing heart quite as easily. "You are my assistant and not... this cannot happen." Kara wonders who Cat's trying to convince more – Kara or herself._

_"But - "_

_"No." Cat silences her with a single raised finger, and Kara feels her elation at knowing what it felt like to have Cat's mouth moving against her own plummet. "This was a mistake." Kara flinches as though the words are a physical blow, and she sees a flicker of remorse in green eyes before it's carefully blinked away. "And you should go home."_

_She doesn't argue, even though she wants to. Instead she stands, snatches the layouts from the floor where they had fallen and hands them back to Cat without looking her in the eye, and then she turns her back and walks away before she can change her mind._

_Coming into work tomorrow is going to be torture, she's sure. Because her daydreams are only going to be all the more vivid, now that she's had her hands on Cat's body and felt the heat of her kiss against her lips, and she doesn’t know if she can survive pretending that it never happened at all._

x-x-x

Kara struggles to keep her eyes away from that couch when she's standing in the centre of Cat's office, remembering that first kiss that had been followed by so, so many others. She casts her eyes around whilst she waits for Cat to speak, looking for any obvious signs of change, but finds none.

It's almost as if she never left at all.

"Not here," Cat murmurs, tearing her gaze away from Kara, standing behind her desk as though it might hurt less to have some distance between them, before she jerks her head in the direction of her balcony.

Kara follows in her wake, her chest tight and her throat feeling like it's closing up, because so many significant things had happened between them out here, and the memories threaten to overwhelm her.

"You shouldn’t have come here." There's just enough anger in her tone to cover up the hurt that shines in her eyes, and god, it's so much more painful to hear those words fall from Cat's lips than Carter's.

"I know." Her voice trembles, because she's always lacked Cat's level of careful composure. "I didn't think you'd be here," she admits, softly, and Cat's eyes flash with a look so deadly that Kara almost takes a step back.

"And that makes it _okay_?" She hisses, fury injected into every word, and she takes a step closer before she seems to think better of it, taking a deep breath and leaning back against the railing, instead.

"No." Kara shakes her head, because she realises now, how stupid this idea was. "No, it doesn't. I was just... being back here, in the city... I guess I just wanted to see how much had changed."

"Considering how quickly you left the city behind, I'm surprised you even care."

"Of course I care!" The words burst out of her, because she's desperate to get rid of that cold look in Cat's eye – once Cat had looked at her like she held the stars in her hands, but there's little trace of that left now.

Now she looks at Kara like she hates her.

She wouldn’t blame her if she did.

"I care so much that it kills me." She'd left because she couldn’t stand being close to Cat without being in her arms, but she'd left so much more than that behind. She'd left her job, her sister, her friends, and the life that she'd carved out for herself, too.

"And yet you still walked away." Neither one of them are talking about the city anymore. Cat's voice is cold but there's a look in her eyes that takes Kara back to that day that she never allowed herself to think of whenever she's awake, but that always crawls into her mind at night when she sleeps.

That day where she'd said 'I can't do this anymore' and made Cat really, truly cry for the first time in her life.

"You know why I had to." Her voice breaks, because she'd lost the ability to keep it together the second Cat had called for her.

Because this is the first time they've been alone since they broke up, since Cat had hurled a ring at her with enough force to break the skin, had she been human, when Kara had promised she’d never have to see her again.

She wonders if those words still ring in Cat’s ears like they do in her own, wonders if it'll ever stop hurting.

"You didn't _have_ to do anything." Cat hurls the words like an accusation, and Kara feels them rip through her like a bullet.

"Did you call me in here just to yell at me?" She asks, because she might deserve it but she doesn't _want_ it, doesn’t know how much longer she can stand the force of Cat's tangible anger.

"No." Cat takes a breath, and it's almost as if she deflates. "I called you in here to talk about Carter."

"What... what about Carter?"

"You're in town for a few days, right?"

"Two weeks." Cat flinches, and Kara wonders if she should have lied. "Why?"

"I think it might be good for him if you spent some time together." Kara blinks in surprise, and Cat resolutely looks away from her, arms wrapping around her waist and making her seem suddenly very small. "He's... he didn't deal with you leaving well." Kara feels another flutter of guilt. "He's ben having trouble at school. The reason my meeting was cut short was because I had to go and pick him up from there, again. He's been fighting." Kara's jaw slips open, because Carter isn't a violent kid, never had been no matter how bad the bullies had gotten at his school.

" _What_?"

"Supergirl's influence, I'm sure," Cat says scathingly, and Kara winces. "He's been more withdrawn, lately, and I'm... I'm worried about him. Perhaps you could talk to him."

"O-okay." She's stunned by the offer, because she'd never expected Cat to extend such kindness to her, not after she'd broken her heart.

"If you hurt him again," Cat warns, fire in her eyes as she draws herself up to full height, "you will regret it, do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," Kara reassures her, because she has very little intention of causing even more damage than she already has. "Does he even... would he even want to see me?" She feels suddenly insecure, because she doesn’t know where she stands anymore, and it makes her feel off-balance and she hates it.

"Yes," Cat replies quietly. "He misses you." She turns her head, glances down at the city spread out below her. "We both do." She doesn't give Kara a chance to respond before she's moving, striding back into her office and calling for Carter.

Kara leaves them to talk while she tries to regain her composure, still shaken from seeing Cat so unexpectedly . She doesn’t listen in on their conversation, even though a part of her is craving for it – instead she waits for Carter to peer his head around the balcony door.

"Mom says we can hang out for the rest of the afternoon if you want." He asks like he's not sure whether she'll say yes or not, and it breaks her heart.

"Is that something _you_ want?" She counters, because Cat wasn’t the only one she'd left with scars. But he nods with a warm smile that melts her heart, and Kara has no idea how she's going to leave him behind when her two weeks are up. "Then let's go. What do you want to do?"

"Can we go get ice cream?"

"Sure we can."

Carter loops his arm through hers when she's close enough, and Kara has to bite back a sob at how easily he's accepting her back, because even though she'd sworn to herself she'd never see either him or his mother again, because that would be easier for all of them, whenever she _had_ thought about it she'd always imagined Carter screaming that he hated her for leaving and never talking to her again.

Cat sits behind her desk and watches them go, and Kara feels the heat of Cat's gaze on her back long after the elevator doors have closed behind them.

x-x-x

_"You really think he'll take it okay?" Kara is fidgeting in the booth next to Cat, one hand fiddling with her glasses and the fingers of her other drumming against the tabletop, until Cat's hand rests on the back of hers, stilling her._

_"Of course he will." The reassurance does little to ease Kara's worry though, even when Cat squeezes her hand warmly. "He already loves you."_

_"Yeah, but... as Kara. Not as his Mom's girlfriend." They've been sneaking around for almost a month, trading heated kisses on Cat's balcony after everyone else has gone home, and sharing dinners at least twice a week._

_They haven't told a single person about their budding relationship yet, but it's important to both of them that Carter is the first to know._

_Kara had come over for game's night at the Grant's house the previous evening to test the waters, and it had gone perfectly. Cat had murmured in her ear, after Carter had gone to bed, that she could stay the night, if she wanted. She'd finally learned what it felt like to fall asleep with Cat in her arms, and she already knows she'll never tire of it._

_"How does he usually react?" They'd decided to tell him at breakfast the next morning, with Cat taking them to Carter's favourite diner, which she'd assured Kara did the best pancakes in National City – the promise of food had done little to calm her nerves. "Like, when you bring people home to meet him?"_

_"Well, as a general rule I... don't." Carter had slipped away to use the bathroom, giving Kara a few minutes to get a pep talk from her girlfriend._

_"What?" Kara can hardly believe that. Because Carter is thirteen years old and she's been separated from his father since he was four, and surely Cat's had relationships in all of that time?_

_"Don't look so shocked, Kara," Cat murmurs with a shake of her head. "It's not like I never dated anyone, I just... no-one was ever worthy enough of meeting my son. And that was fine," Cat shrugs. "I had CatCo, and I had Carter, and I never needed – or wanted – anyone or anything else. Until I met you."_

_Sometimes she could be so vulnerable, when she admits how she feels, and Kara knows it's because there's still a part of Cat that believes she doesn’t deserve her. That she doesn’t deserve to be happy. But Kara's vowed to prove her wrong each and every single day, and it takes everything in her not to trap Cat's chin between her fingers and brush their lips together, because the look in her eyes takes her breath away._

_"You're sure about this?" Kara asks as she hears Carter coming back towards them, and Cat nods, squeezing her hand once more but not removing it, keeping it resting on-top of her own as Carter slides into the seat opposite them._

_"Do you guys think that - " Carter cuts himself off when he notices his Mom's hand, gaze dropping and eyes narrowing before he lifts his head and looks Cat in the eye. "Why are you holding hands?"_

_"There's something I need to tell you, Carter - "_

_"Are you guys together?" He interrupts before Cat has a chance to finish, his eyes widening._

_"Yes." Kara twists her hand so that it's face-up on the table, tangling their fingers together. "Is that okay with you?"_

_"Are you kidding?" Carter replies, voice laced with excitement. "I love Kara!" She feels her nerves rush out of her as she smiles, so wide that her cheeks ache. "This is going to be_ awesome. _Does this mean game nights are gonna be a thing? And we can play Settlers of Catan all the time? Oh, are you going to move in?  Because - "_

_"Slow down, Carter," Cat cuts him off, a slightly panicked note to her voice. "We don't want to scare her away." Cat's eyes sparkle as she turns her head so that their eyes meet, and Kara smiles back, heart fluttering in her chest._

_"Never going to happen," she promises, quietly, and when Cat leans over and presses a chaste kiss against her cheek, she feels like she's flying._

_"Gross," Carter says when they part, nose wrinkled in distaste._

_"Get used to it," Cat snipes back at him as she leans further into Kara's side and reaches for her coffee, and Kara feels like she's finally coming home._

x-x-x

"I haven't been here for ages," Carter murmurs as he shoulders open the door to the diner, and Kara feels a flash of relief when he heads for a table on the opposite side to where the three of them had used to sit whenever they'd gone to grab a quick snack during the working day.

After Kara and Cat had started dating, Carter would often spend his school holidays at the office. He'd work beside her at her desk (with Cat's stern instruction to not distract her assistant), and if Cat had enough time at lunch they'd go out together, Cat relaxing the second they were away from prying eyes.

"Mom says it brings back too many memories." He says that quietly, as if it's meant for his ears only, but Kara still hears, feels her heart squeeze painfully tight in her chest. “Oh, crap.” Carter squints up at her then, apology written in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think it’d be the same for you. We can go, if - ”

“No,” Kara interrupts quietly as she settles into a chair and opens the menu in-front of her. “It’s okay.”

“Are you… how have you been?” He asks, ignoring the menu in favour of scrutinising her face closely.

“Not great,” she answers, honestly, because she’s never had a reason to lie to him.

“You didn’t have to leave.” There’s no accusation in his voice, or in his eyes when she chances a glance up at him.

“Yeah, Carter,” she murmurs with a shake of her head. “I did.” He doesn’t argue, and she’s glad because she doesn’t have the strength to defend herself. She doesn’t even know if she can anymore. “How’s school?”

“Fine.” He looks away as he says it, staring sullenly down at the table in-front of him and looking every bit the moody teenager.

“Really? Cause that’s not what your Mom says.”

“I don’t want to talk about it with you.” It stings, but Kara doesn’t press, knows that he’ll tell her about it when (if) he wants to. They’re quiet until a waitress comes to take their order, and Kara only speaks again once she’s disappeared with their menus under her arm.

“What _do_ you want to talk about, then?” She’s missed Carter almost as much as Cat, these past few torturous months away. In the beginning, she’d tried to reach out to him, writing letters because once upon a time, she’d promised him she’d never leave.

But he’d never replied, and after a while, she’d stopped sending them, fearing that she’d done too much damage to ever repair with words on a page.

“How about how you got that cut on your head?” She tries, because now that Cat’s told her about the fighting she’s pretty sure that’s the cause of it – she doubts Carter’s going to be willing to give her that information, though.

“Did my Mom put you up to this?” He asks instead of answering, squinting at Kara suspiciously across the table.

“Maybe,” she shrugs, seeing little point in denying it. “She’s worried about you. And I am, too.”

“I’m fine,” he mutters, but it’s not convincing. He tries to change the subject then, every inch Cat Grant’s son. “You work at the Daily Planet now, right?”

“Yeah.” She’d become Cat’s assistant with the end goal of getting into journalism, and Cat had promoted her to junior editor not long after they’d gotten together to help her on her way. It’d been easy to find an opening at the Daily Planet when she’d moved to Metropolis with Clark keeping an ear out. “I don’t get yelled at nearly as much.”

She tries to crack a joke, but it falls short because she _misses_ her old job. She misses being Cat’s assistant, being there for her with a latte in her hand every morning, making sure that her day ran as smoothly as possible. It had only been with Cat’s coaxing that it would make things easier for them when they started to tell people about their relationship that she’d accepted the editing position, Cat gently reminding her that she couldn’t be an assistant forever.

But even then, she’d still seen Cat every day. She’d still been called into her office and watched her at her prime, striding in-front of her desk and giving out her orders for the day. Her boss at the Daily Planet was nice and kind but… they weren’t Cat Grant.

She was unlike anyone Kara had ever met.

“Would you ever come back? To National City?” It’s a question that Kara’s thought about a lot, but one she’s never truly been able to answer. Because the memories are still so potent, here – so much worse than she’d ever feared, and she doesn’t know if she’d ever be able to survive with the constant reminders of what she’d had but thrown away.

“I don’t know,” she answers honestly. “It’s… There are a lot of things that I miss. But it’s difficult being here, too.” She takes a deep breath, then, because there’s something she desperately needs to get off her chest. “Look, Carter, I just… I want so say that I’m sorry. And I know you probably don’t want to hear it from me, but I need to say it. I am so, so sorry, for everything. I never meant… I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“You don’t regret it though, right? Dating my Mom?”

She thinks about that a lot, too. About whether things would be better, if Cat’s resolve had never cracked again after that first earth-shattering kiss. She wonders where she would be, now – if she’d still be at Cat’s side, or if she’d be somewhere else in the company.

She _does_ know that she would never have felt real, true love. That she would have never known what it felt like to fall asleep with Cat in her arms and wake up beside her in the morning. She would never know that sometimes, when she was particularly stressed, that she would talk in her sleep. She would never know that she had a weakness for sci-fi and had the entire Star Trek collection on DVD, and she’d watch them when she couldn’t sleep. She’d never know what it was like to laze in bed and watch Cat get herself ready for the day, to shower with her, to hear the sound of her moaning Kara’s name into her ear.

She wonders if she’d be happy now, instead of feeling a desperate, aching loneliness that reaches deep down into her bones. What was that saying? It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

Kara’s not so sure that it’s true, but she wouldn’t change a single thing about her past anyway.

“No, Carter,” she answers softly, her fingers running absentmindedly over her index finger. Cat had placed a ring on it on their six month anniversary, a promise to a future together, and Kara had picked up the new habit of playing with the thin silver band whenever she was nervous – a habit that she hasn’t quite managed to break, even without wearing it for months.

Sometimes she still swears that she can feel the weight of it on her finger.

“The only thing I regret is the end.” She wishes every day that it could have gone differently, but it had happened and she thinks that it was inevitable, anyway. There was only so long they could fool themselves into thinking that Kara could successfully keep herself separate from Supergirl.

And when she’d been discovered, it had nearly been the end of them all.

“She doesn’t regret it either,” Carter says, tentatively, and Kara looks up sharply, heart beating faster at the first Cat-related news she’s heard in a while. Winn, James and Lucy still work at CatCo, it’s true, but Kara had forbidden them from mentioning Cat two weeks after she’d left National City, because no matter how much she’d craved to know everything Cat was doing, the wounds were still too raw, and it just made everything harder.

“She doesn’t?” She’s often wondered if Cat would take any of it back if she could. She’d thought she would, thought she’d regret the slip in her careful self-control, almost two months after that first kiss that had changed everything.

Cat had kept her distance for so long, and Kara had let her, because Cat had been the one to push her away. Neither one of them had acted differently, but whenever they were alone together all Kara could think about was the taste of Cat’s lips or the feel of her skin.

There were always traces of desire lingering in the air between them though. Kara would catch Cat staring at her whilst she was in her office, or would find Cat’s eyes lingering if she wore something a little more revealing that normal, and she’d waited patiently to see if Cat’s resolve would crack.

And then one night, they’d been working late once more, and Kara had stepped closer than she’d dared in a long, long time and then Cat was kissing her, pressing Kara against her desk with a hand in her hair and another at her hip, and Kara had been powerless to do a thing but drag her closer.

She’d expected another reprimand, when they broke apart, ready to bolt from Cat’s office at the first sign of danger. But Cat was looking up at her with a soft expression, her hands turning indescribably gentle, and Kara had practically melted into her arms.

_“This absolutely shouldn’t be happening, and you should turn and walk out of that door and never look back if you know what’s good for you, but I’m tired of pretending I don’t want you, Kara. I don’t think I can anymore. And if you want me back, then all you have to say is yes and I’m yours.”_

Those words still haunt her dreams, sometimes. They’d changed everything – she’d gone from merely being Cat’s assistant to dating her as well, and it had been terrifying and exhilarating, all at the same time.

“No, she doesn’t,” Carter reaffirms, and when Kara catches his eye she smiles sadly, because he looks so grown up and she’s _missed_ it. She’s missed him going from gangly-awkward teenager to this, and she wonders what it would feel like if he hugged her, swamping her in his arms. “And you don’t… you don’t have to apologise, Kara.” His eyes are earnest as they stare back at her across the table. “I know… I know what happened. All of it.”

“You do?” She asks, a little sharply, because she and Cat had agreed to keep most of the grisly details from him for as long as they could.

“Yeah. Don’t be mad at her,” he says, even though Kara doesn’t think she could be if she tried. “She… didn’t, for a while. And I didn’t understand for so long… why you’d gone. I mean, I know you tried to explain it to me that day,” he winces as he remembers it, and Kara winces along with him, because from start to finish it had been the worst day of her life – and once she’d watched her whole planet, and her life as she knew it, be blown to smithereens. “But I never really _got_ it. Until… well, until what would have been your two year anniversary.”

Kara had purposefully blown out her powers that day. She’d sparred with Kal-El until she’d been too exhausted to even move the night before, and he’d flown her back to her apartment and told her to be careful before he’d left her alone.

Because she’d wanted to _feel_ on that day. She wanted to grab that bottle of whiskey that she kept in her kitchen for when Alex came to visit, and she had. She’d drank almost a third of the bottle, a photo of Cat clenched in one hand and the ring in the other, drank until she hadn’t been able to keep any of it down and had curled up in her bathroom beside her toilet and cried until she could barely breathe.

She wonders if Cat had fared any better in dealing with the pain of it than she had.

“She took the day off work and she let me stay off school so that we could spend it together and I could distract her but then I… I went to bed but I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about her.” There’s something awful churning in his eyes that Kara hates herself for being the cause of, is practically holding her breath as she waits for the rest of the miserable story. “And I heard a crash so I went to see if she was okay and she… well, she wasn’t.” His lips twist in a bitter little smile and Kara’s stomach roils. “I don’t know how much she’d had to drink but it was a lot and I think… I don’t think she ever wanted me to see her like that. I was never supposed to.”

Kara knows that Carter had used to worry about his Mom’s drinking habits. He’d told her one night that he was the one who had suggested she grab a handful of M&M’s when she was feeling stressed instead of a glass of bourbon. Kara had worried about it sometimes, too, but Carter had murmured one night when she and Kara were fighting and Cat had locked herself away in her study that she’d never been this sober.

“And she started crying and she just… she told me everything. I think keeping it bottled up wasn’t doing her any favours.” He glances up at Kara’s face and winces at whatever he sees there. “I’m not… I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad.”

“I know.” Her voice is little more than a whisper, and not even the towering chocolate sundae that’s placed in-front of her a moment later is enough to ease the emotions swirling in her gut.

“I just… thought you should know. That I know. So I know you didn’t leave her because you fell out of love with her, or anything like that. I know you did it to protect her, and me. I know that it must’ve killed you as much as it killed her. So you don’t have to say sorry to me, because I get it.” She feels tears spring into her eyes before she can stop them, because he sounds so _mature_ , her boy is all grown up and she’d _missed_ it. “Hey, don’t cry.”

Carter shuffles so that he’s sat next to her, and when he pulls her into a hug she can’t help but let out a small sob, burying her face in his shoulder. His shirt smells like Cat’s laundry detergent and it just makes her cry harder, Carter’s hand trying to rub comforting circles at the small of her back as she lets out everything she’d been feeling since she’d come face to face with Cat that morning.

“God, look at me,” she murmurs when the tears finally stop falling, leaning away from his shoulder and wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re allowed to be,” he shrugs, staying beside her as he reaches for his own ice cream. “But maybe next time wait ‘til we don’t have something melting on our table.” She manages a laugh, and knocks his shoulder with her own as she snatches up her spoon. “I’m sorry I never returned any of your letters,” he says after a few moments of companionable silence, both of them content to just eat. “I didn’t… I _wanted_ to.” She can see that it’s bothering him, so she lets him get the words out without interrupting. “But I never knew _how_. And then I caught my Mom looking at them sometimes when she thought I wouldn’t notice, and she looked… she looked so _sad_ and I thought they were just reminding her of you so I thought… if I never replied you’d stop sending them.”

“It’s okay,” she tells him with a smile. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m glad you did, though. I thought… I thought you never wrote back because you hated me.”

“I could never hate you, Kara,” he’s quick to reassure her. “Never. You… you were always so good to me. You treated me like I was your son.”

“Because you were.” She feels more tears spring into her eyes at that, and Carter is quick to reach for her hand and squeeze gently. “You still are, even though I haven’t been acting like a very good mother lately.”

“You still are though,” Carter shrugs. “You never stopped being that to me. I love you.” His eyes widen in alarm as he sees another tear slide down her cheek. “Please don’t cry again. All of these people are going to think it’s my fault.” Kara manages a choked laugh, and reaches up to wipe at her eyes once again.

She knows she probably looks like a mess, but it’s easier to forget about that with Carter at her side. She’d missed him so much, but she hadn’t realised _how_ much until he was here with her, when she could look at him and see all of the little things that she’d missed, all of the time that she would never get back.

“I love you, too,” she murmurs back to him quietly, and he grins and wraps an arm around her shoulders in a half-hug, and Kara wonders, for the first time in a long, long time, whether she might be able to put the pieces of herself back together after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the angst in this one is heavy, and I know that it's probably not going to be everybody's cup of tea - it's gonna get worse before it gets better (but it will get better!!), so thank you for sticking with me, and I hope you manage to enjoy the ride.

Cat doesn't get a great deal of work done that day.

Her mind is too scattered, and she can't stop thinking about Kara. She's become a pro at keeping herself focused at work, where usually it would be so, so easy to sink into the past. This office is haunted by Kara, by memories of kisses and conversations, of light and laughter, where now there is only nothing.

But she'd been thrown by the unexpected sight of the girl in her bullpen that afternoon. And she'd hated the lurch that went through her chest, the way her heart felt like it was being squeezed because it had been months since they'd seen one another and she shouldn't still feel like this.

Kara made Cat weak – she always had, but she hadn't realised how _much_ until just the mere sight of her had almost destroyed her.

She takes it out on James Olsen, because it's his damn fault that Kara is in town in the first place, and the fact that the layouts aren't to her specifications give her a convenient excuse to yell at him. Her throat aches by the time she's done, and he doesn’t protest once – just looks her in the eye and Cat hates the sympathy she sees staring back at her because they both know that this isn't about anything to do with CatCo.

It only makes her scream louder.

The rest of her employees are careful to avoid her for the rest of the day. She'd softened, just a little, when she'd used to wake up next to a sleepy Kara in her bed each morning, felt stormy blue eyes on her back whilst she pulled on her clothes and put on her mask for the day.

But then Kara was gone, and Cat had been left reeling, and she'd turned back into the old ice queen, and everyone quailed before her.

Her assistant is terrified of her, and that's just the way Cat likes it. She should've fired Kara the second she started to push Cat back, because that was the moment that a line had been crossed, and Cat had never been able to put it back in place.

She thinks he's mere days away from quitting. The longest one has lasted since Kara's sudden departure from her life had been just three weeks and three days. And that had been the assistant that had been with her since Kara had been transferred to the editing department, the one that she had carefully trained up herself to be the perfect replacement, and to ensure the transition had gone smoothly for everyone.

But even he hadn't been able to handle the wreck she became when Kara was gone for good.

Her hands itch for the bottle of scotch on her bar, but she's already had three glasses today and she'd promised Carter after a particularly bad day that she'd try to limit herself, because she hated him seeing her like that.

Like her mother.

Cat doesn’t know when she'd started to turn into the woman she hated, but it makes her stomach churn.

That's a lie – she knows exactly when. It was when the eyes that had always looked at her with so much love had twisted and morphed into something anguished instead, the day that _'I can't do this anymore'_ had fallen from those lips that she'd kissed so many more times than she'd ever be able to count.

It had been inevitable, Cat had always known that. Kara was too good for her, too pure and too innocent, and Cat had thought, in the beginning, that she might be the one to destroy her.

And then she'd realised that no, it was the other way around. Because Cat didn't let her walls down easily, didn't let people _in_ easily, but Kara had managed it with sunny smiles and softly spoken words. Cat had only been in love once before, but she fell harder for Kara than she ever had for anyone else before, and it had terrified her.

x-x-x

_"Shouldn't you be at home in bed?" The flutter of a cape comes only a second before Kara's voice, and Cat whirls around at the sound of it, the glass in her hand slipping and shattering on the concrete of her balcony._

_"You're alive," Cat breathes reverently, because the reason she was still at CatCo and not at home is because she hadn't been able to leave, not when a few hours ago she'd watched Supergirl being pummelled to within an inch of her life on every single screen in her office._

_She'd paused as she'd seen Winn leap out of his chair and demand someone turn the volume up, and Cat had been furious until she'd seen a red cape and a flash of blonde hair, and her breath had caught in her throat as she watched a fist connect with Kara's jaw._

_She must have called the girl a hundred times that afternoon, after she'd watched her fall to the earth and disappear, but each time she'd gotten no response, and her heart had sank further and further into her chest._

_She'd sent the entirety of her staff home, worried that they might see her break, because there was a not-so-tiny part of her that wanted to curl up in her chair and sob, because she was terrified that Kara was gone for good._

_She hadn't been able to face going home and telling Carter, not until she'd known for sure whether or not Kara was going to be okay. So she'd stayed behind in her office, and then on her balcony, desperately straining her eyes as she searched for a glimpse of red and blue, until eventually she'd collapsed onto one of her couches with a glass of whiskey and let the first tears fall._

_"Barely." Cat allows herself a moment to take Kara in – there's a bruise on her jaw and another on her cheek, and Cat feels a thrill of fear because she thought she was supposed to be unbreakable? There's a rip in her suit and it's dusted with dirt, but Cat doesn't care about that as she throws herself into Kara's arms and buries her head in her neck._

_"I thought you were_ dead _." Her voice cracks, though she doesn’t permit any more tears to fall. "I called you and called you and called you, and you never... you never picked up." She lifts her head and smacks Kara's shoulder with her fist, instead, because now that she knows she's okay she's_ mad _. "If you ever do that to me again,_ I'll _be the one that kills you!"_

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Kara curls a hand in her hair and kisses Cat's anger from her lips. "My phone got destroyed in the fight and I wanted to call you the second I woke up but... well, you want to keep this a secret." She shifts under the weight of Cat's gaze, and she knows that, no matter how many times she assures Kara that it's for both of their protection, there's still a part of Kara that worries that Cat's ashamed of her. "So I couldn't exactly ask the people I work with for a phone without telling them_ why _, so I just got out there as soon as I could so that I could tell you that I was okay."_

_Kara still won't tell her any of the details of_ who _she's working with. Cat had managed to coax out of her that it was a government faction that no-one knew existed, and the journalist in Cat had wanted to press for more, to find out as much as possible about these shadowy people who worked so closely with her girlfriend, but Kara had gently told her that it wasn't fair for her to tell Cat about them, when they didn't know about Cat._

_She wonders if she'll be whisked away to a black site when Kara lets their relationship slip, never to be seen again, and shudders at the thought. It's just another valid reason for them to keep this under wraps, because Cat can't imagine they'll take well to the Queen of all Media dating National City's hero, but sometimes when they're in a room full of people and all Cat wants is Kara's sure touch to soothe her, or when she looks particularly delectable in whatever outfit she'd donned for work that morning, it becomes harder and harder for Cat to remember a single one of those reasons._

_"Make sure it never happens again," Cat murmurs, before she presses closer to Kara, needing to feel every inch of her against her,  the suit rough beneath her fingertips as she curls her hands around Kara's shoulders._

_She kisses Kara's reply from her lips, allowing herself to be turned and pressed back against the railing, pouring all of her earlier fears and worry into the kiss, tongue dipping into Kara's mouth as a strong thigh presses between her legs._

_"I'm promoting you," Cat decides when they break apart, and Kara blinks down at her with confusion in her eyes, a tiny crease forming between her eyebrows. It accentuates her scar, and Cat wonders how it had taken her so damn long to figure out her assistant and Supergirl were one and the same, considering how often she'd stared at photographs of the hero, deciding which ones to send to print._

_"You're punishing me for nearly dying?"_

_"No," Cat huffs with a roll of her eyes, because her punishment for_ that _and scaring the life out of Cat_ _will be much more drawn-out. "You know that normal people see a promotion as a good thing and not a punishment, right?"_

_"Yeah, but..." Kara trails off, biting on her bottom lip – Cat wants to take it between her teeth, instead, and just barely manages to hold herself back. "I like working for you. I like being your assistant. Have I done something wrong?" Her face twists, turns uncertain, and Cat is quick to reach up and cradle the side of her face, always astounded when Kara shows such vulnerability in-front of her, because she holds Cat's heart in her hands._

_"No, no, you haven't done anything wrong," she's quick to reassure Kara, smoothing away the frown on her face by swiping her thumb across the sharp angle of one of her cheekbones. "But you can't be my assistant forever, sweetheart. There's more out there for you."_

_"But - "_

_"Plus," Cat interrupts with a small smile. "People will talk less when it comes out that I'm dating a junior editor than they would if I was dating my assistant."_

_"You... you want to tell people?"  Kara's face transforms from vulnerable to hopeful, and Cat aches at the sight of those blue eyes brightening._

_"You didn't expect me to keep you a secret forever, did you?" Cat asks quietly, amused when the way that Kara bites her lip tells her that yes, a part of her had. "I've told you a thousand times, Kara, I'm not ashamed of you, and I hate having to hide you. There's been a position open for a while, I've just been avoiding giving it to you."_

_"Didn't want to lose the greatest assistant you've ever had?" Kara's eyes sparkle, and Cat thinks that out of all the things Kara can do, the way she teases Cat and the way it makes her stomach flip are by far the most dangerous._

_"Don't get cocky," she murmurs, and Kara grins._

_"Why did you change your mind?"_

_"Because today I realised something." Kara waits patiently for her to elaborate, and Cat takes a deep breath, because she despises laying her emotions out for someone else to peruse, but for Kara... for Kara, she'll do anything. "I realised, when I saw you... when I thought that you might be gone." It hurts her to think about the possibility that one day, someone could be stronger than Kara, and Supergirl might fail._

_She'd always known that it was a possibility, because she put herself in danger every single day, but knowing that and_ seeing _it are two entirely different things, and Cat still feels shaken to the core._

_"I realised that I... I'm in love with you." Her eyes are on Kara's face, watching her reaction carefully, terrified that she's saying too much too soon. But Kara's eyes soften and she takes a tiny, desperate breath like she can barely believe what she's hearing, and Cat knows she's doing the right thing. "And I want the whole world to know it."_

_Kara kisses her then, so deeply that Cat feels it all the way down to her toes, her hands clutching Cat desperately closer. She feels something wet against her cheek and tastes salt on Kara's lips and realises she's crying, pulls away and tilts Kara's head towards her, but her eyes are bright even though they glisten with unshed tears._

_"I'm sorry," she says with a soft laugh. "I just... I didn't know it was possible to have this. That I could be this happy." Cat's heart aches at the wonder that Kara looks at her with, like she can barely believe that she's real. Cat feels the same, sometimes, when she wakes in the middle of the night to find Kara sprawled out beside her, wearing Cat's clothes and illuminated by the soft light of the moon, eyes closed and peaceful in sleep. "And I love you, too. I was... I was scared to say it before, in-case you didn't feel the same but I... I do. I love you. So much more than I ever thought possible."_

_Cat kisses her again as she feels tears spring into her own eyes at the soft reverence with which Kara speaks, but she keeps it chaste and breathes a quiet, "take me home," against Kara's lips when she pulls away._

_Kara is quick to comply, and for the first time in Kara's arms and many feet from the ground, Cat opens her eyes and watches the beauty of the stars flashing by overhead._

x-x-x

Loving Kara terrified her, and it exhilarated her, because it was unlike anything she'd ever felt before.

And then it was over, and she wonders if she'll ever feel anything ever again.

Seeing the effect on Carter had been the hardest. Kara and her merry little band of misfits, the sister that had taken a while to warm to Cat but had immediately welcomed Carter with open arms, the mother that had immediately accepted both Cat and Carter as a part of the family, despite Cat being closer to her age than Kara's. The friends – James, Lucy and Winn – who Cat had begrudgingly spent many games nights with and, eventually, conceded that maybe they weren't so awful after all.

Well, she could probably do without Winn.

Sometimes she'd caught him looking at Kara with longing in her eyes, and Cat had always made sure to run a possessive hand over Kara's thigh in that way that made her whimper too quietly for anyone else to hear, or to kiss her for just a second longer than strictly appropriate.

Kara had thought the jealousy was adorable.

Cat had made sure she'd paid for using that adjective to describe her, the next time they were in bed with one another.

Carter had come out of his shell more than Cat had ever seen around Kara and her family, and when it had all fallen apart, he hadn't taken it well. He'd tried to pretend he was fine, because he knew that Cat was breaking, but he was breaking, too.

His grades had suffered, he'd lost the few friends that he'd managed to make with his new-found confidence, and the bullies came back, but this time, Carter was fighting back and Cat was terrified for him.

She hopes that Kara can talk some sense into him, because he shuts down whenever Cat brings it up. Kara had always been so good with him, made it look so effortless, and a part of Cat had been a little jealous of their relationship, even as she was overjoyed because it made everything so much easier. Their little family of two had become three (and then eight with the addition of Kara's make-shift family), and the loss of it had affected them both.

She'd actually been thinking of reaching out to Kara, to ask her to get in touch with Carter again. She knows there had been letters, knows that Carter had never returned a single one because he'd seen the look on Cat's face whenever she'd recognised Kara's writing, running her fingers over the delicate lines gently.

But she'd never quite been able to manage it, because everything still _hurt_ and she was certain that talking to her again would only make it worse. She'd known Kara would be coming back for the wedding (Cat had been given an invitation but had turned it down immediately, because she'd overheard Lucy talking to James about asking Kara to be a bridesmaid – on that day, Cat had drank more than her allowed quota), and had been toying with the idea of getting a message to her somehow, asking if she'd like to spend some time with Carter whilst she was in town.

They'd been close, and she loathed the fact that Carter had lost contact with her, too. Cat had lost a lover (a fiancée, she thinks bitterly, and thinks that she never should have decided that another marriage would be a good idea), but Carter had lost a mother, and she'd told herself that she could handle it if they started seeing one another again.

Except then she'd seen Kara for the first time since she'd watched her walk out of the front door of her apartment, and it made her doubt whether she could handle it, after all.

She sees Supergirl, of course. She's Metropolis' hero, now, although she still pops up in National City whenever she's needed by her sister and the DEO, but it's _different_. Because she and Kara might be one and the same, but their personalities couldn’t be more different, and it wasn’t Supergirl that Cat had fallen in love with.

No, she'd fallen for her assistant's awkward, stuttering charm, and she hasn't been the same since.

She'd seen the look in Carter's eyes, though, when he'd noticed Kara. Known that there was really only one thing she could do, and she'd been thinking about it anyway, so maybe it was sign. So she'd sent Carter away for the day in the hope that the blank look in his eyes would be lifted, even if it was only temporary, whilst she sat alone in her office and suffered the unending torture of wondering how Kara was.

Carter returns after a few hours, though she sees him grinning at something with Lucy before he knocks hesitantly on her door. They still try and engage with Carter, Lucy, James and Winn, on the rare occasions he's in the office (which happens with increasing regularity, lately), and she's grateful for them, because she knows she isn't exactly the warmest person in the world, especially in regards to them.

They'd invited her and Carter to games night once. She'd gone, just because Carter's face had lit up at the invitation, but it was empty without Kara there, all of them felt it, and Cat had been cold and distant all night.

They haven't asked her again since – she doesn’t know if that's because they don't keep up the tradition, with Kara gone, or if it's just because she was too miserable for them to want to try again.

"You don't have to knock, Carter," she murmurs as she waves her son into her office. "You know you're always welcome here.

"I know, but..." He trails off as he stands in-front of her desk, toying idly with a pen that rests on its wooden surface. "You were pretty mad before."

"Because this is the fourth time in six weeks that you've been sent home for fighting, Carter!" She tries to keep her temper under control, but he still winces at the tone of her voice. "I had an hour long conversation with your principal today, and if it happens again you're going to get expelled. Is that what you want? Is that why you keep doing this? Because if you're not happy there then just _tell_ me Carter. Don't have me dreading the sight of your school's number coming up on my phone, wondering if this time you've managed to land yourself in hospital."

Her throat feels tight, because she doesn’t know how she could go on without him. Some days, the particularly bad ones, usually those rare occasions where Carter spends the day with his father, the only thing that keeps her breathing is the thought of her son.

"I'm sorry, Mom." His eyes are apologetic, even as they're staring down at the floor, his head bowed. "I don't... I don't _mean_ for it to keep happening. They just... they _say_ things and it just makes me so mad and I... I can't help myself."

"And yet, you don't tell me what it is they're saying." It's the most frustrating part of all of this. Carter has always struggled with bullying, but he's never gotten into a fight because of it. She remembers the first time she'd gotten a phone call demanding that she come and pick him up from school, three weeks after Kara had left – she'd laughed and said that they must be mistaken, because her son would never do such a thing.

And then she'd gone to the school, and she'd seen Carter with a bloodied lip and bruised knuckles, and she'd felt her stomach drop.

He's never told her why things had changed. Why instead of ignoring the comments that were thrown his way when he was walking down the halls, he'd chosen to retaliate instead of ignoring them, like Cat had always urged.

"It's not important." It's the same thing he mutters every single time, and it drives Cat _mad_.

"I beg to differ." He doesn’t answer, just continues staring at the floor, and Cat sighs. "Did you at least talk to Kara about it?"

"You really think that I'd go to her over you?" He looks up then, almost offended.

"You have in the past." Kara had been the one he'd gone to when he'd gotten his first real crush on a girl at school. Cat had pretended it didn't bother her, but Kara had seen straight through her, wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek and murmured 'he'll come to you next time' into her ear.

And he had – Cat was the one he'd come to when he'd needed advice on where to take the same girl on their first date.

"That was before." Carter's eyes turn haunted, and Cat swallows once, willing the memories away. "Ugh okay fine, you really want to know what they were saying? Why I finally stood up for myself?" Cat nods, and he sighs. "Fine. It was because it wasn't _me_ they were saying things about. It was you."

Cat keeps her face carefully blank, because Carter's eyes are focused closely on her face. "Me?"

"Yeah. About... about you liking girls." Cat can imagine what _those_ insults were. She'd been called worse – she's just furious that her son has had to deal with them, too. "About... about how Kara was only with you because of your money but even that wasn't enough to keep her around."

Cat lets out a long, slow breath through her nose, willing away the flash of anger that floods through her. She's heard it all before, though – when she'd turned up at a charity gala with Kara on her arm for the first time, the front pages of several news outlets the following day were splashed with photographs of the two of them together.

There was always going to be an interest in their relationship, because she was Cat Grant and she'd never dated someone openly in the public eye since Carter's father. The fact that she was with a woman, with an employee, her former assistant, who was several years her junior, had only added fuel to the fire, but it wasn't as much of a scandal as it could have been, if any of those reports had discovered that they'd been dating for far longer than that, while Kara still worked under her.

The worst abuse Cat had gotten was, unsurprisingly, from her mother.

x-x-x

_"What are you doing here, mother?" The arrival of Katherine Grant never failed to sour her mood, but her_ unexpected _arrival was even worse._

_"When I saw the news I knew I had to come out here." It'd been two days since she and Kara had gone public, almost six months after getting together. There hasn't been as much damage control as Cat had feared, but there had still been some backlash – she'd been waiting for her mother to make her feelings on the matter known, but she'd expected a phone call._

_Not a frantic pounding on her front door at eight o' clock on a Saturday morning._

_Disgruntled, she'd gotten out of bed because Kara wasn't moving anytime soon (honestly, with the smile on the girl's face every morning at work, Cat had fully expected her to be a morning person, and had been pleasantly surprised to find that it took her at least ten minutes before she was willing to move, after a lot of grumbling and groaning and Cat poking her in the shoulder)._

_To say that Cat had been unimpressed to discover her mother's shrill voice on the intercom had been an understatement._

_"A_ woman _, Kitty – and barely a woman at that, more of a girl – what are you_ thinking _?"_

_"I was thinking," Cat replies coolly, though internally she's anything but – there's just something about her mother that never fails to make her feel small, like she's twelve years old and being yelled at for getting an A- because 'Grants are better than that, Kitty' all over again. "That the world is not nearly as bigoted as you are." When Cat was seventeen, she'd had a girlfriend. Her mother had walked in on them kissing, and reacted so furiously that the girl had broken up with her on the spot, and Cat's already fragile relationship with her mother had been fractured beyond repair. "And it was about time that I stopped hiding my relationship."_

_"She's your_ assistant _, Kitty."_

_"She_ was _." Cat prays that Kara isn't eavesdropping on this conversation, because sometimes she still looks at Cat like she's not worthy of having her to hold, and the last things she needs is Cat's mother trying to reaffirm that ridiculous idea. "She hasn't been for quite some time."_

_"And that makes it okay?!" Katherine's face is incredulous, but Cat had never expected her to understand. "Your reputation - "_

_"Is in-tact," Cat interrupts, more calmly than she feels. "People will talk, for a few weeks, about the fact that I'm dating a woman who works at my company, but then the focus will shift onto something more interesting, and they'll forget all about me. It's how the media works, mother. I would know."_

_She likes to remind her mother of her success as often as she possibly can, because for years she had made Cat feel worthless, like she would never amount to a single thing, never be able to make a name for herself._

_Proving her mother that she was wrong had been a huge driving force behind Cat's success – not that she'll ever be willing to give her the credit._

_"And if it's not? If you throw away your company for a girl who's barely an adult? If she's only using you for your money? What then?"_

_"Kara is twenty-five years old, mother, and I know you struggle with the idea that anyone could possibly want me for who I am and not for all of this," she gestures to the space around them, the apartment that's over seven times the size of Kara's own. "But Kara has proven to me over and over again that she's with me for who I am, and nothing else."_

_"You're in love with her." Katherine looks disgusted, and Cat rolls her eyes. 'Love is weakness, Kitty' - that had been what Katherine had hissed at her when she'd found Cat crying over the first boy to ever break her heart._

_"And she's in love with me," Cat confirms, almost smirking at the way Katherine's lip curls in distaste. "And we are happy, and you aren't going to do a thing to change my mind or whatever misguided thing you came here to do."_

_"Mom?" Carter's hesitant voice calls from across the room, and Cat whirls to find him standing at the end of the hallway to his bedroom, rubbing at his eyes, still in his pyjamas._

_"Go back to bed, sweetheart." She hopes that he hadn't heard them arguing, but sadly he's far too used to hearing his mother and his grandmother yelling at one another whenever she's in town._

_"Can I go watch cartoons with Kara?"_

_"You'll probably have to wake her up, but of course you can." He shoots her a grateful smile before spinning on his heel to bound away, before the sound of his name stops him in his tracks._

_"Carter's okay with this?"_

_"Of course I am," Carter answers before Cat has the chance to, looking up at Katherine with baleful eyes – it makes Cat wonder how much he had heard. "I love Kara, and she loves us, and she's a great Mom. Better than you ever were to my Mom." He scurries away then, leaving Katherine gaping after him and Cat struggling to hide a smile._

_It doesn't take her long to usher her mother out of the front door, and when she returns to her bedroom she finds Carter curled up in Kara's arms, and she knows from the happy tears in Kara's eyes as she glances over to look at Cat, hovering in the doorway, that she'd heard every word._

x-x-x

Carter had defended her relationship to her mother back then, and she supposes she can't really be all that surprised that he's still defending her now. He'd always been fiercely protective of her, and she him.

"I'm sorry that I'm the cause of this," she holds up a hand when his mouth opens to protest, "and I know why you feel like you should stand up for me but Carter... this needs to stop. Do you hear me? I don't want to get another call telling me you've been expelled. And we can talk about moving schools if you want." He'd transferred middle schools several times, but he's only ever been at one high school, the one she and Kara had driven him to on his first day, practically swelling with pride as they'd watched him walk through the doors to begin the next chapter of his life.

Her little boy was growing up so fast – he already towers over her, and she swears his voice gets deeper and deeper every time he opens his mouth.

"No, I... I'd like to stay." She knows that he does have a few friends, that there's a new girl that he's been talking about more and more. "If that's okay."

"Of course it is, sweetheart. Just... promise me you'll try and keep calm next time?"

"I'll try," he agrees quietly, and Cat flashes him a small smile, even though it's a promise she makes him say every single time, and every single time he breaks it.

"Where did you and Kara go?" It had taken a few months before Cat could even say her name without feeling winded, but now she can manage with only a little difficulty.

"To the diner down the street." Cat swallows – the diner that she hasn't been able to step foot in since she left, no matter how tempting the pancakes were. "It hasn't changed."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah." He taps his fingers against the desk, and Cat focuses on that instead of his eyes as they scrutinise her face. "She's... okay. As okay as she can be considering everything." Carter answers the question Cat had been desperate to ask but would have never dared allow herself to, and she feels so, so grateful to him for always knowing exactly what she needs. "She misses you, and National City. You mostly. She still talks about you like she loves you." Her heart clenches, and she's glad that Carter glances away, allowing her a second to show her emotions on her face. "And it hurts her as much as it hurts you to be back. She's still at the Daily Planet, I think she likes it there, but she did say she misses being yelled at all the time." Cat's lips twitch, and she lets out a ragged breath.

"Thank you." It means more than he'll ever know, but he smiles at her like he gets it and she knows that if she wasn't encased behind her desk that he'd be pulling her into his arms and giving her one of those hugs that lift her clean off the ground. 

She's glad – she's not sure she could keep the tears at bay if he did.

"She, um," he shuffles his feet, and Cat eyes him sharply, noticing the nervous edge to his voice. "She also invited us to games night. She's staying at her sister's, and they thought it'd be nice if everyone got back together for the night. She said it'd be okay if you didn't want to go, though. She said she'd understand."

"And do _you_ want to go?" She asks, but he only shrugs, expression carefully blank – she doesn’t know when he'd learned that particularly trick from her, but she is sure she doesn’t like it.

"Only if you want to."

"I'll think about, it" she replies softly, and he nods.

"Can I go and see James? Lucy said he had a job for me."

"Of course. And while you're there, ask him when I can expect the fashion spreads I asked him for three days ago to be sent down to printing." Carter nods once more before turning on his heel and striding from the office, and Cat is grateful when he closes the door carefully behind him.

She finishes the article she'd been working on before she allows herself to ponder his words, shutting her computer off before making her way out onto her balcony after snapping at her assistant that she wasn't to be disturbed.

This one had too _much_ fear in his eyes as he'd nodded so frantically that she'd been afraid he might break something, and Cat doesn’t expect him to last the week.

She stands and looks out over her city as she thinks. She does this whenever she's stressed – presses her hips against the railing and lets her arms dangle over it, staring at the sidewalk far below her and watching people crawl by like ants.

Sometimes Carter will come up beside her, and they'll make up stories for each and every one of them.

Sometimes she'll look up at the sky and remember the feeling of the wind ruffling her hair and turning her cheeks pink, of being cradled tightly in a pair of strong arms as the stars twinkled above her and the lights of the city sparkled below.

She never thought she'd miss flying, considering the panic that she'd felt the first time Kara had ever wrapped Cat in her arms and carried her away, but she does.

She misses everything about Kara, it seems.

She thinks about Carter's message from Kara, and wonders what she should say. It would be easier for them both if she turned Kara down, but there had been a spark in Carter's eye when he had returned from his afternoon with Kara that Cat hadn't seen in a long, long time, and desperately wished to see again.

And there was a part of her, too, that wanted to see Kara again. And maybe she was just a masochist, because it would be unbearable when she was gone, back to Metropolis whilst Cat stayed behind in National City, but god, she wants it. She wants to allow herself an evening just to be around Kara again, and she'd regret it as soon as she was home in her bed, sleeping in one of the shirts that Kara had left behind, but... maybe the pain will be worth it.

She needs to check first, though. Check whether Kara's offer had been genuine or if she was just trying to placate Carter, or she was scared of what Cat might say if she overheard Lucy or one of the boys talking about it at work.

So she reaches for her phone, and she hovers her thumb over a number she hasn't allowed herself to dial in a long, long time. She should have deleted it, really. Should have wiped from her memory and not just from her phone (it would have certainly made the temptation to call her easier to resist, on those nights when she'd drank so much that it had started to seem like a really, really good idea), but she'd never been able to bring herself to do it.

She'd never been able to completely let her go.

So Kara's number is still there, and Cat's finger trembles as she presses the call button and lifts it to her ear. She'd been able to keep her composure before, but she doesn’t think she can manage it now, not out here alone and away from prying eyes.

_"Cat?"_ Kara answers uncertainly, and Cat nearly breaks at the sound of her name. _"Is... is everything okay?"_

"E-everything's fine." Cat Grant had never stuttered a day in her life, until she'd met Kara Danvers. "I just... You invited Carter to games night."

_"Oh. Yeah. I invited you, too."_ Cat listens to the sound of her breathing in her ear, once so familiar that she could recognise it in a room even without superior hearing. _"I hope I wasn't overstepping, I just - "_

"No, you weren't." She interrupts softly. "I just... I guess I just wanted to check that you meant it. That it wasn't... a pity invite. That you aren't hoping I'll say no."

_"I invited you because I... well, I thought that being back in town would be easy, and I wouldn't have to see you and it'd be fine. But seeing you today... it's not that easy after all. I had fun with Carter, and I'd like to see him again – if you're okay with that, of course. And I... I think I'd like to see you again, too. Which is probably a super bad idea,"_ she laughs, but it contains little humour. Kara always rambles when she’s nervous, the words flooding out of her like a broken dam, and Cat had always found it endearing. _"But I'm asking anyway. I'm not hoping you'll say no. I expected you to, I guess, because I'm the one that left and I know I hurt you so badly and you probably hate me and I don’t have any_ right _to ask to see you again but I... I miss you, Cat. And maybe that's the wrong thing to say and you don't want to hear any of this and you were only calling me to be polite and not because you still care. Maybe you'd be happier if you never saw me again."_

"I don't hate you, Kara." She doesn’t add the 'far from it' like she wants to – she thinks that will be too hard for them both to hear. “And maybe you’re right, and it would be easier if we stayed far away from one another but I… I don’t want to.”

It’s easier to speak to Kara without feeling the weight of her gaze on her, those stormy blue eyes that she still saw every night when she closed her eyes, haunting both her dreams and her nightmares. The sound of her voice is enough for Cat, wrapping around her like a warm embrace, and Cat had thought that things were getting better, that _she_ was getting better and closer to forgetting Kara but this… even just something as simple as her voice in her ear is enough for her to know that she’s been fooling herself, because it all comes rushing back to the surface and leaves her breathless.

“I don’t want to keep Carter from you,” she tells Kara, who is quiet, and Cat wonders where she is. If she’s curled up on her sister’s couch waiting for her to come home, or if she’s out wandering the streets of National City, gone to see if anything has changed. “That was never my intention.”

_“I know.”_

“And I miss you, too.” She lets a single tear slip free, run down her cheek and doesn’t wipe it away. “And I probably shouldn’t but I… I’d like to come tonight. If you’re sure that it’s okay.”

_“Of course it is, Cat. I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t.”_ Cat nods, even though Kara can’t see her, and blinks away any further tears that threaten to fall. _“You remember where Alex’s is, right?”_

“I remember.” She remembers it all, so much more than she ever wanted to.

_“I know I don’t have a right to know the answer to this, but… how are you, Cat? Are you okay?”_ It’s a loaded question, and Cat doesn’t even know how to begin to answer it.

“I’m… surviving,” she settles for, and she hears Kara let out a tiny noise on the other end of the line.

_“Cat, I just… I just want to say again that I’m - ”_

“If you’re about to apologise to me again, Kara, don’t.” She closes her eyes and can almost imagine the expression on Kara’s face, the lost look in her eyes. “I know you’re sorry, and I know you’re suffering the same as I am. I know that you didn’t mean for any of this to happen and I… I don’t blame you, not for any of it.”

She’d tried to be angry, for the first few weeks. She’d held onto that lingering resentment that Kara had walked away and hadn’t been weak enough to come crawling back, turned it into a fierce fury that she’d directed at anyone and everyone around her, save for her son.

But it had exhausted her, slowly but surely, and when the last of her anger had drained away she felt… empty. She looked back at their relationship and she remembered that happiness, didn’t want to taint it with rage.

She knew why Kara had done what she had done, had accepted it (eventually), and she doesn’t blame her. She never had, not really.

_“Thank you,”_ Kara says with a shaky breath, and Cat thinks that this conversation is long overdue, wonders how many sleepless nights Kara has had, wondering if Cat hated her for what she’d done. She hears her breath hitch and knows that she’s crying, aches to be able to be beside her, wrap Kara in her arms and never let her go.

“Has anything…” Cat trails off, biting her lip, desperate to know the answer to this question but unsure if she can truly handle the answer. “Has anything changed? With how… how you feel? About what happened?” She waits with baited breath, because if Kara says yes, if she says that she wants to try again, Cat will drop everything and go to her in a second, and it terrifies her even as she craves it.

_“I... no, Cat, I’m sorry.”_ She sounds apologetic and Cat closes her eyes and lets out a long, slow breath – and with it, the tiny flicker of hope that had sparked, unbidden, when she’d first laid eyes on Kara earlier that day. _“I… I want to say that it has. I want to say that it doesn’t matter anymore and that I want to try again because I do. I want it so badly that I- I couldn’t even describe it.”_ Kara doesn’t need to, though – Cat feels the same desire in her heart, pulsing through her veins. _“But I_ can’t _. Losing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, but it’s better than losing you for good, than something happening to you because of who I am, because I wasn’t quick enough to save you. It might be killing me not to be with you, but at least you’re still breathing.”_

“Barely,” she whispers, voice cracking as more tears slide down her cheeks, and she hates being so weak but Kara undoes her so easily, so absolutely and completely, and she’s always been powerless to stop it.

_“You can’t tell me that if our positions were reversed, you wouldn’t have done exactly the same thing. That you would have done whatever it took to keep me safe.”_ Cat keeps quiet, because they both know that she’s right. _“And I hate it. I_ hate _it, Cat, and if I could give up my powers… if I could lose them and I could be human then god, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”_

“Don’t say that,” Cat snaps, harsh as a whip, because the thought of Kara giving up such a vital, important part of herself for Cat is… unimaginable. “You don’t mean it.”

_“I do.”_ Her voice is serious, and Cat closes her eyes and sees the way that Kara’s jaw will be clenched tightly, head tilted in defiance. _“I’d give up anything to have you back.”_ It tugs at Cat’s heartstrings, the aching desire that she can hear in Kara’s voice, and she knows that it’s true.

But thankfully there is no magic machine that can take Kara’s powers and make her ordinary again, and Supergirl will go on to fight another day.

_“I’m sorry,”_ Kara murmurs then, her voice soft as velvet. _“I know I shouldn’t be saying these things. I know that it’ll only make it harder, in the end. I just… You’ve always left me defenceless. Always made me want to tell you exactly what I was thinking.”_

“Which has gotten you into trouble on more than one occasion.” Kara chuckles quietly in her ear, and Cat feels a smile – a real, genuine smile – tug at her lips for the first time in what must be months.

_“Do you think… do you think we’ll ever be able to be friends?”_ Cat allows herself a moment to think about it, mulling the idea over in her mind. She and Kara had never been friends. They’ve been boss and employee, and then so much more, but never _just_ friends.

“I don’t know,” she answers honestly. “I don’t think I’d ever be able to be a very good friend to you.” She’s sure that her feelings for Kara will never truly die, especially not if she continues to be in her life. And she knows that, should Kara ever find someone else, someone that was truly her equal that she could love openly without fear, that Cat would never be able to put on a brave face and support it. “But perhaps we could try.” It’d be torture, this she knows, but it might be worth it, to see Kara again.

To remind herself of her smile, of the sound of her laugh and the way her eyes lit up when she was particularly excited about something. To hear her rambling about the Daily Planet, and how much she hated Lois Lane (and okay, maybe that last part was wishful thinking on Cat’s behalf).

_“Starting with games night?”_ Kara asks, still a little hesitant, and Cat hums a quiet yes. _“So I guess I’ll see you later?”_

“See you then.”


	3. Chapter 3

_"Promise me you'll be nice," Kara pleads as she hears the doorbell ring, closing a hand around her sister's elbow before she has the chance to go and answer it._

_"When am I ever anything but?" Alex replies sweetly, and Kara's grip on her arm tightens._

_"The last and only time I brought someone I was dating home to meet you, you threatened to castrate him," Kara hisses, and Alex smirks, proud of herself – it quickly morphs into a wince when Kara smacks her in the shoulder._

_"Somehow, Kara," Alex murmurs as she takes a step towards the door, rubbing at her arm. "I doubt Cat Grant is going to be affected by any threat I make against her."_

_"I know but - "_

_"Relax," Alex cuts her off as her hand curls around the door handle. "It's going to be fine."_

_Kara doubts that. She's been dreading this day for a long, long time – the day the two most important women in her life would meet for the first time, and she's terrified of something going wrong._

_Because Cat can be kind of... abrasive, when you don't know her very well, and Alex is protective to the point of being smothering, sometimes, and she has no idea how having the two of them in the same room is going to end._

_She'd invited Carter, too, to act as a buffer._

_Her sister had been floored when Kara had eventually told her that she and Cat were together. She'd been nervous about it, worried that Alex would try and talk her out of it and hating the thought of losing her sister because she couldn't support her relationship._

_It had taken a long, long conversation, stretching well into the night, before Alex relented, realising that Kara was in too deep with Cat to walk away even if she wanted to. She'd demanded to meet her, though, and Kara's been nervous and fidgety all day._

_She'd chosen Alex's apartment for the meeting, because Alex would be more welcoming when she was comfortable, and she doesn’t know if she can ever see Alex at ease in Cat's gigantic apartment._

_"Cat, Carter," Alex greets with a smile as she pulls the door open, Kara hovering over her shoulder. "It's nice to finally meet you." Alex has been to visit Kara at CatCo several times of course, had heard her sister's mispronounced name being yelled across the bullpen, but she and Cat have never really interacted before._

_Until now._

_"Please, come in."_

_"Thank you for having us." Cat's got one hand wrapped around a bottle of wine, which she offers to Alex as she passes her, the other on Carter's back as she guides him inside._

_"It's no trouble," Alex replies, watching as Cat pauses at Kara's side, pressing a chaste kiss against her cheek. "I wanted to meet the woman my sister's been gushing about for the past three years. Honestly, I don't know how I didn't realise that she had a crush on you sooner."_

_Kara flushes scarlet, as Cat smirks and Carter grins, and wonders if maybe this was such a good idea, after all – she'd much prefer them arguing than teaming up to embarrass her._

_"Do you need any help with dinner?" Cat asks, and Alex gives her a considering look before nodding._

_"Sure. Kara's kind of useless."_

_"Oh, I know," Cat murmurs as she moves towards the kitchen after giving Kara's hand a gentle squeeze. "She tried to cook for me once – the kitchen very nearly didn't survive."_

_"Hey!" Kara protests, pouting, and Cat just turns to look at her with smiling eyes. "I was trying to do something_ nice _."_

_"I know, sweetheart."  There's mischief sparkling in green eyes, and Cat looks surprisingly relaxed considering that last night when they were in bed and Kara was half-asleep, she'd run a hand down Kara's back and whispered that she was nervous, because the last time someone had taken her home to meet someone's family had been over seventeen years ago, and she hadn't cared nearly as much of their opinion of her as she did now._

_Kara had rolled over and slipped her arms around Cat's waist, pressed a kiss against her shoulder and told her that she was sure that Alex would love Cat almost as much as Kara herself did._

_"But next time maybe take me out to dinner, instead." Kara makes a face and Cat just smiles, and Kara turns her head to find Alex watching them with an amused expression on her face, her eyes softer than Kara has seen them in a while._

_"Come on, kid," she murmurs to Carter. "Let's go find a game to play in my sister’s very limited collection."_

_She settles on Alex's couch beside Carter and tries to pretend she's not eavesdropping as she hears Cat and Alex strike up a conversation behind them._

_"Thank you, for this," she hears Cat say quietly, accompanied by the sound of a knife against a chopping board. "I know that you can't exactly be thrilled about our relationship."_

_"Why wouldn't I be?" Alex tries to come off as aloof, but it falls flat._

_"Oh, I don't know – she's half my age, she's my employee, and I'm sure you're worried that, considering my profession, I might expose her. Which I'm not going to," Cat adds hastily, and Kara wonders whether Alex's eyes had flashed in warning. "But you don't know that. I imagine you know very little about me."_

_"I know that you treated her like shit while she was your assistant." They're quiet now aside from the sound of their voices, both focused solely on the other, and Kara holds her breath. "I know that you're the Queen of all Media and you could ruin her, if you wanted." Kara hears Cat swallow, and Alex take a deep breath. "But I trust my sister, and she trusts you. I know you've only been here for five minutes but the way she looks at you, and the way you look at her... you love each other, I can see that. I get that. And if she's happy then that's... that's good enough for me."_

_"Thank you," Cat replies quietly, and there's a catch in her voice that lets Kara know that she's more affected by Alex's words then she'll ever admit. "That... means a lot."_

_"That doesn't mean that I won't kick your ass if you hurt her, though," Alex warns, back into protective-older-sister mode, and Cat lets out a quiet chuckle._

_"Oh, I don't doubt that. It's something I have little intention of ever doing, though." Kara chances a glance up, looks over the back of the couch to find Cat's affectionate gaze on her, knows she's aware that Kara is listening to every word._

_"Yeah, try not to. She's never... I've never seen her like this. She's never allowed herself to... to_ be _with someone like this. And I'm scared of what might happen to her if it ever ends."_

_Kara looks away, back at an impatient Carter, waiting for her to take her go, and knows that Alex is right. She's so dizzyingly in love with Cat that it should terrify her, and there's a part of her that dreads to think what losing Cat might do to her._

_"To be honest with you," Cat is saying, so quietly that even Kara has to strain to hear her. "I'm scared of what might happen to me, too."_

x-x-x

"I think I might have done something potentially very, very stupid," Kara murmurs as Alex is walking through her front door. She's been curled up on Alex's couch ever since her loaded conversation with Cat, and she's been desperate to talk it out with someone, to get it out of her own head.

"Is it the kind of stupid I need to keep my coat on for?" Alex asks, one arm already free of the leather as she pauses by the hooks next to the door. When Kara shakes her head she shrugs it the rest of the way off and hangs it up before dropping onto the couch beside her sister.

She takes one look at the two empty cartons of Ben and Jerry's sitting on her coffee table, and sighs.

"What happened?"

"I saw Cat today." She can still barely believe it herself – Cat has haunted her for so long that the sight of her in-front of her, tangible and real, still has her feeling shaken, hours later.

"Are you okay?" Alex's eyes quickly turn concerned, because she's been there for each and every single one of Kara's late-night breakdowns on the phone, curled up in her bed a whole city away while Alex tried desperately to console her.

It had been hard for her to adjust to a life without her sister nearby. The only time they'd ever been apart was their college years, and even then Alex had come home almost every other weekend, and had constantly been visiting Kara to make sure that she was okay when she began two years later.

But she'd needed to get away from National City for a while, and while Alex had offered immediately to come with her, she'd shaken her head and told her to stay.

Because Alex had a job and a life here, and Kara couldn’t bear the thought of her throwing all of that away for her.

And that wasn't to say they never saw one another. Kara would come back whenever the DEO needed a hand with something extra-terrestrial, though she'd only ever set foot in the DEO base because it was the one place out of all her old haunts that wasn't haunted by memories of Cat.

They called one another every day, and they Skyped at the end of the week to watch their shows together, each with a box of pizza in-front of them on the couch.

And it wasn't the same, but it was _enough_ , for the both of them, for now.

"I... Not really," she eventually replies, eyes on her hands so that she doesn't have to see Alex's concern – at least when they're on the phone, she can't see her sympathy.

"I thought you were going to keep your distance while you were here?" Alex asks gently, and Kara shrugs.

"I _was_ but Lucy mentioned that Cat had a bunch of meetings out of the office all day and I just... I guess I just wanted to see if things were still the same over there."

"She didn't lie, did she?" Alex asks disapprovingly, because Lucy has been sort of the champion for Cat and Kara's relationship from the start – she'd been the first one to notice Kara's crush, and to try and push them together, and Kara knows she'd been devastated when they'd broken up.

"No," Kara shakes her head quickly. "Cat _was_ supposed to be gone but she... she had to cancel a meeting, and she came back and she saw me and I... it was... strange."

"Did you talk to her?"

"Kind of. She was with Carter, and she said I could spend the day with him if I wanted." After they'd had ice-cream they'd gone bowling, and Kara had had more fun than she's had in a long, long time. "I forgot how much I missed him."

Her voice cracks for the first time, and Alex is quick to shuffle closer to her, wraps an arm around Kara's back. She rests her head on Alex's shoulder and tells herself that she won't cry, not again. She's done more of it today than she has for months.

"And then I... did that stupid thing I mentioned."

"Which was?"

"I kind of invited him and Cat to games night." She hears Alex let out a tiny, exasperated breath, and manages a soft smile because that was _exactly_ the reaction she'd predicted her to have.

"Kara..."

"I know, I know. It's a bad idea."

"It's just going to hurt you even more," Alex says gently, but it's too late for her to change Kara's mind, because the damage has already been done, Cat has already said yes (and said so much more than that, and Kara's head is still reeling from the fact that Cat had basically said she forgave her).

"I know," she agrees, because she'd been aware of that even as she was extending the invitation to Carter, but she'd just had such a good time with him, had forgotten, for possibly the first time ever, the near-constant ache in her heart even if only for a handful of hours. "But I... I miss them. And maybe it'll get easier, the more I see them. Maybe I'll start to get over her."

"Oh, Kara," Alex murmurs into her hair, her voice sad, because they both know it's a blatant lie – Kara will never get over this. Even years down the line, long after she had last kissed Cat goodbye, she'll always remember, and she'll always be there in the back of her mind, the ghost of the best years of her life.

"Cat called me, after Carter told her. She said... she said she doesn't blame me." That had been one of the hardest things for her to bear – that Cat might hate her, might look back at their relationship and regret every single part, and Kara would never get to see her smile again.

But her conversation with Carter, and the follow-up with Cat, hard as it was to hear her voice, to quash the little flutter of hope she'd heard in Cat's voice when she'd asked if anything had changed, had begun to ease a little of that guilt.

"I told you she wouldn't."

"I know. I never believed you." Alex chuckles quietly, and squeezes her a little tighter. "She said she'd come later. I never... I never thought she'd ever want to see me again."

"She still cares about you, Kara." The words make her ache. "Just like you couldn't stop yourself from asking her, she wouldn't have been able to stop herself saying yes. You're both so desperate to see one another again, after so long, that you don't care how much it'll hurt you in the long run. You're both... absolutely infuriating, and you belong together."

"You think we should get back together," Kara realises, then, her voice turning accusing as she raises her head and turns on her sister with narrowed eyes.

There have been hints of it before, in the many conversations she's had with Alex, especially in the beginning when the breakup was fresh, but she'd thought her sister had dropped it after Kara had told her, in no uncertain terms, that it wasn't a risk she was willing to take.

"I think that I hate seeing my sister in pain," Alex says, and Kara can tell that she's choosing her words carefully. "I think that I've never seen you as miserable as you have been since you left, and as happy as you were for the near two years you were together. I think that you deserve to have someone in your life like Cat, who loves you and cares about you, who knows who you are and embraces it, who'd die to keep your secret."

Kara flinches, because Cat very nearly had, and the image of her, with a hand wrapped around her throat and squeezing the breath from her lungs, is her most vivid and terrible nightmare.

"And don't you think that maybe Cat should get a choice in that? In what she's willing to risk to be with you? She knew the dangers when you got involved."

"No, she didn't. She was involved with her assistant before she knew she was involved with Supergirl, too."

"Oh, please," Alex replies with a roll of her eyes. "You and I both know that Cat Grant had you figured out for months before you finally got up the courage to tell her. She knew what she was agreeing to."

"She didn't," Kara whispers, her voice hoarse, and whenever she blinks she sees Cat almost dying before her eyes over and over again. "She had no idea."

"I think she did." Alex's voice is gentle, but Kara shakes her head almost violently. "And I know that nothing I say is going to change your mind, I do, but... do you really want to be alone forever, Kara?"

"Of course I don't." She aches every day when she comes home from work to an empty apartment, whereas once she'd walk through her front door to the sound of laughter and the mouth-watering smell of food, would nearly be knocked over by an enthusiastic teenager eager to tell her about his day at school, a pair of emerald eyes watching them fondly. "But I will because the thought of anything happening to someone I love because of who I am... I can't, Alex. I can lose her from my life but I can't live in a world without her. I don't want to know what that feels like."

"I think you already do," Alex murmurs quietly, and there's a knowing look in her eyes that makes Kara's skin itch. "But okay, if you want me to drop this, I will."

"I do."

"Okay." Kara wonders if she truly has heard the end of it, though. She doesn’t want Alex saying any of this to Cat, to try and put the idea that there might be another chance for them into her head because Kara doesn’t know if she's strong enough to take it away again, and she vows to keep a close eye on her sister later.

X-x-x

_"Musical that never fails to make me cry." Kara is leaning towards Alex as though that might make them more in sync, because this is the final round and if they can get just two more answers then they'll beat Cat and Carter, and one of the first things that Kara had learned about Cat when she'd been invited to her home for the first time was that, when it came to games, she was ridiculously competitive._

_That, and she gets an adorable pout on her face whenever she loses, and really, that just always makes Kara even more determined to win._

_"Moulin rouge!" Alex answers without hesitation, and Kara slams the card down onto their 'right' pile and begins reading from the next almost immediately._

_"Greatest female character to ever grace the face of television."_

_"Buffy the vampire slayer!" Kara lets out a triumphant cry as she slams that card down, too, glances at the timer and sees they still have time for one more._

_"Oh, oh, neither one of us can believe that he's an actual presidential candidate."_

_"Donald Trump!" Alex yells, just before Cat calls 'time', and Kara grins as she leans forward to high-five her sister, hard enough for Alex to wince. Carter is watching them with an amused smile, and sure enough, Cat is pouting, and Kara's grin widens as she settles back on the couch between Cat and Alex, leaning over to wipe it away with a kiss._

_"Do they do that a lot, kid?" Alex asks Carter, who's making a face at them when Kara pulls away._

_"All the time," he sighs dramatically. "It's gross." Cat ruffles his hair with one hand as her other reaches for Kara's, tangling their fingers together._

_"Hey, you could see worse," Kara teases, and his look of horror deepens. "So don't complain."_

_"And remember to always knock before you waltz into our room," Cat adds, dryly, and both Kara and Carter flush pink as they remember Carter doing just that – if not for the creaky floorboard just outside of Cat's door that had tipped Kara off, he could've seen something a lot more compromising than the two of them scrambling off of one another._

_Neither he nor Kara had been able to look the other in the eye for almost a whole week afterwards._

_"Okay, now that is a story I'm going to have to hear," Alex says, her voice coloured with amusement._

_"Maybe some other time," Cat tells her, even as Kara shakes her head._

_"Yeah, and that time is never," Kara intervenes hastily, because the_ last _thing she needs is to give Alex more ammunition to embarrass her in the future. "Is it time for dessert yet?" She asks as her stomach rumbles, despite the masses of food she'd managed to devour earlier._

_"Give me a hand," Alex murmurs with a roll of her eyes, and Kara is quick to bound over to the kitchen and unveil the chocolate cake she'd bought earlier. "You're sleeping with her?" She asks, quietly, and Kara's fingers twitch, the knife that she'd been holding clattering to the counter._

_"I... um, yeah."  She'd never had sex before, because she'd been terrified of losing control of her powers and unintentionally injuring the other person._

_Most had shied away as soon as she'd told them she wanted to wait, but Cat... Cat hadn't even blinked, hadn't treated her any differently, and she'd been so, so patient and god, the end result was so worth the wait._

_"And you didn't tell me?" Alex presses, looking a little wounded._

_"Sorry," she says, a little sheepishly. "But if I'd told you, you'd ask who I was seeing and I... was not ready for that conversation." Alex just shakes her head._

_"And how was it?"_

_"Amazing," Kara replies, a little dreamily, and Alex smirks. "And that's all the detail you're ever getting."_

_"It's all the detail I want, sis, don't worry."_

_"Do you like her?" Kara asks the question that's been burning on the tip of her tongue all night, and Alex smiles as she glances over her shoulder to where Cat and Carter are talking quietly._

_"Yeah," Alex answers, genuinely, and Kara's heart swells. "She's... different than I expected, I guess. Different than the brief glimpses I've seen of her at CatCo. It's almost like she softens around you. And I can tell you're absolutely head over heels for her and the kid, so... don't worry about me standing in your way, Kara. I'll talk Hank down if I need to. I'm glad you finally found someone."_

_"Yeah," Kara murmurs in reply, eyes on Cat and a soft smile on her face. "I am, too."_

x-x-x

Kara fidgets more and more as the day goes on and her night with Cat looms. Alex grows tired of her eventually, sending her out to go and buy some drinks and snacks, and Kara is grateful to be out in the open air, enjoying the feeling of the fading sunlight on her skin as she steps foot on the sidewalk and makes her way to the grocery store down the street.

She returns with double what Alex had sent her for, but Kara's pretty sure she's going to stress eat at least two bags of chips before anyone actually arrives.

Winn is the first, wrapping Kara in a tight hug as soon as he's through the door. She knows adjusting to life at CatCo without her had been hard for him – they'd started the same week, both terrified and feeling completely out of their depth, and had become fast friends as they'd tried to fumble their way through their first real jobs together.

James and Lucy aren't far behind them, Lucy hugging Kara for at least five minutes because 'she had to make up for lost time', and Kara just grins and hugs her back, because she's never met anyone quite like Lucy Lane before, and while she has a couple of friends at the Daily Planet, she's not as close to any of them as she had been with Lucy before she'd left town.

When there's another, tentative knock on the door sometime later, when Kara's already devoured a whole pizza to herself while the other four struggle to finish one between them, she feels a flutter of panic before she schools her expression into something neutral, wipes her hands on a towel in Alex's kitchen before she tugs the door open, not having to fake a smile when she comes face-to-face with Cat and Carter on the other side.

"Hey." Her eyes meet Cat's, and she allows herself a moment to drink in the sight of the other woman in a way she hadn't allowed herself to before.

She still looks the same, still just as breathtakingly beautiful as she always has been, though Kara can see carefully, painstakingly hidden bags under her eyes, and a sadness in them that remains even though there's a smile tugging at her lips.

"You came."

"Of course we came," she replies quietly, and Kara's eyes can't help but dip to her lips as she speaks, remembers the feeling of those lips against hers, on her skin, and she takes in a sharp breath, thinks that maybe this was a terrible idea, after all. "Carter hasn't talked about anything else all day."

"Cause I can't wait to kick your butt," he says, looking down at Kara with a smile so wide that his eyes crinkle at the corners.

"Yeah? We'll see. Come on in. There's pizza on the table. I... I got a small one for you. Half-cheese, low fat." Something twists in Cat's expression at Kara remembering her order, and Carter shoots his Mom a worried glance, only steps inside Alex's apartment when she gives him a tiny nod. "Is this... are you sure this is okay?" Kara asks, when Cat makes no move to follow him, looking as if she's at war with herself trying to decide whether or not to step over the threshold.

"No," Cat answers honestly, and it's like a breath of fresh air, that she's as uncertain as Kara feels. "But I'm here now, I suppose." She wonders how close Cat had gotten to telling her driver to keep on going when he'd pulled up at the curb below.

She steps forward and Kara moves aside to let her past, eyes closing for one brief second as she's assaulted by the scent of Cat's perfume, still the same as it always was.

The same one that Kara had tasted on her skin, the same one that had lingered in the air between them at night when Kara's face rested in the crook of Cat's neck.

God, she shouldn't have done this, should have kept her mouth shut earlier and accepted that neither Cat nor Carter could be a part of her life anymore, because this?

This is torture, and the night has barely even begun.

Kara allows herself a moment to get herself under control, keeping her back to the room as she presses the door closed with her palm and slides the lock into place, taking a breath so deep that her shoulders shake before she turns on her heel and slips back onto the couch between Alex and Lucy.

James is wedged beside his fiancée, Winn is perched on a footstool, Carter on the remaining chair and Cat sitting regally on the arm beside him.

Once upon a time, Kara and Carter would be in switched positions, and Cat would be sprawled in Kara's lap, Kara's arms around her waist and her chin resting on her shoulder.

"Okay, who's ready for our first game of the night?" Lucy asks when the pizza is all gone, a childish excitement in her eyes – Kara was pretty sure she enjoyed these nights more than all of the rest of them put together.

"What are we playing?" James asks beside her, and Lucy throws him a 'do you even need to ask' look because her favourite thing in the world is probably to beat everyone else at Taboo.

Alex and Kara always give them a run for their money, though, and Cat and Kara, after they'd been together a while, had made an equally formidable team.

"I'll keep score," Winn chips in, because he likes to stay out of it when they all get too competitive. "Because I don't want to get yelled at if I get an answer wrong." He throws Kara a pointed look, and she smiles back a little sheepishly. "We should mix the teams up, make it more interesting."

"But that's no fun," Lucy pouts, and Kara laughs at the petulant expression on her face. "Unless I can be with Kara. She gets me."

"Does anyone really get you, Luce?" She teases, and gets a shove in the shoulder.

"Yeah, let's do Kara and Lucy," Winn decides, looking thoughtful, "Carter and James?" Carter nods. "And Cat and Alex."

"We got this, Kara," Lucy hisses into her ear as they all switch positions to join their teammates. "Let's crush them."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're scarily competitive?" She murmurs in reply, because Kara had thought _she_ was bad until she'd met Lucy Lane.

"Me? No, never." Kara chuckles before she's pushed to her feet by an insistent hand at her shoulder, their team nominated to go first.

They win, just barely (Kara doesn’t care too much about that, though – she’s too busy being transfixed by Cat whenever it’s her turn, by the sound of her voice and the way she moves her hands and god, she’s still got it so, so bad). Cat and Alex aren't far behind, though James and Carter are firmly in last place, and Lucy whoops when they're the first ones over the finish line.

"Have I lost my place in the dream team?" James asks good-naturedly as he watches his fiancée wrap Kara in a hug tight enough to wind a human.

"Well, clearly it's me who carries the team seeing as we won and you lost," Lucy points out, and Kara chuckles as James wryly shakes his head. "But I guess I can take you back. You're too cute to say no to."

"And I'm not?" Kara asks, offended, and Lucy eyes her thoughtfully.

"Oh, no, you definitely are. I mean, if James and I weren't together when we met..." She trails off with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows, and it's Kara's turn to shake her head, exasperated. "Let's play again, family teams this time."

It's more of a fair fight this time, the three teams neck and neck up until the last round, but Kara and Alex manage to clinch it at the last second, and they all laugh at the pouting look on Lucy's face as she shoves James' arm off her shoulder and tells him she's replacing him with Kara.

"So how are you liking the Daily Planet, Kara?" Lucy asks when they pause before starting another game, and Kara can feel Cat's curious eyes on her as she waits for an answer. "My sister treating you okay?" She hears the tiny scoff Cat lets out into her wine glass, too quiet for anyone else to hear, and has to fight to stop her lips twitching into a smile.

"Yeah, it's okay," she shrugs, because it is, she enjoys it, a lot, but it's not CatCo, and it'll never truly fill the hole in her heart that had been born the day she'd quit. "And Lois has been great, actually. She and Clark really helped me… adjust."

She’d lived with them, for a brief two weeks whilst she was waiting to find an apartment of her own. She’ll never be able to let either of them know how grateful she is, because she’d been a complete and utter mess when she’d shown up on their doorstep, the only place she felt she could go other than home to her mother (and she didn’t want Eliza to see her in such a state), and they’d taken her in without a word.

She doesn’t know what she would have done without them. Without Clark taking her flying, racing her through the skies to try and keep her mind from Cat, sparring with her high in the air to try and keep her sharp, taking her along with him to help whenever something threatened the city.

And then there had been Lois, always keeping a steady supply of ice-cream in the freezer, always ready to sit and listen to Kara talk if she wanted, or to fill the silence with her own words when Kara was too upset to speak. She’d talked about Cat, sometimes, about their early days working at the Daily Planet, and Kara had hung on to every word, tried to imagine what Cat must have been like, all those years ago.

Lois had never told her why there was such a fierce rivalry, though. That, she’d said with a small, sad smile, was Cat’s story to tell.

“We’ll have to come and visit you, see your new place.” Both Alex and Winn have already been several times, but Lucy and James had always been busy with wedding planning or work or dealing with Lucy’s difficult father.

“Yeah, you will.” She can feel the heavy weight of Cat’s gaze on her, but can’t stand to turn her head, doesn’t want to know what look is in her eyes – whether it’s grief or regret or wistfulness, so she stares resolutely at the side of Lucy’s head, instead. “After the wedding.”

“You both still okay to come try your dresses on tomorrow?” Lucy asks then, eyes lighting up in delight as Alex’s dim with horror.

“I can’t wait,” Alex replies sarcastically, and Kara pokes her in the side.

“We’ll be there.”

“Promise me it won’t be too awful?” Alex pleads, and Lucy throws her a disbelieving look.

“You really think that my taste is that awful?”

“Well…” Alex trails off at the dangerous look that flashes through Lucy’s eyes. “I just hate dresses, okay? Just tell me it’s not too… floofy.”

“It’s… not?” Lucy replies unconvincingly, and Alex tips her head back against the couch with a drawn-out groan.

“I hate you, Luce.”

“Hey, you agreed to be a bridesmaid. I didn’t force you,” Lucy points out cheerfully. “Lois should be here tomorrow, too, to join us.”

“Lois is coming to town?” Cat speaks for the first time in a long while, her voice a note sharper than usual. She and Lois had never crossed paths whilst she and Kara had been together, and Kara’s kind of curious what might happen if she ever manages to get the two of them in the same room.

“Well, she _is_ the sister of the bride, Cat,” Lucy replies carefully, eyeing Cat warily. “So… yeah. She won’t be setting foot in CatCo though, don’t worry.”

“Apparently you said that about Kara, too, but that didn’t stop you, did it?” She murmurs that so quietly that no-one else hears it, Carter too distracted by talking about some new comic book with Winn – but Kara does.

Cat’s eyes lift immediately, as though she’s only just remembered that Kara can hear everything in the room, an apologetic look on her face before she rises to her feet and crosses over to the kitchen, snatching up the half-empty bottle of wine on the counter and pouring herself another glass, Kara’s helpless eyes watching her go.

Alex takes one look at Kara’s face and slips away, leaning against the counter beside Cat, and Kara knows that she shouldn’t listen but she can’t _help_ it as she turns her head away.

“You okay?” Alex asks, her voice gentle, and Kara hears Cat take a long sip of the wine before she replies, a bitter edge to her voice.

“Did she ask you to check up on me?”

“No.” Cat makes a noise in the back of her throat like she doesn’t believe her. “She didn’t, Cat. I… I care about you, too. Not just because of my sister. We spent a lot of time together, me and you and Kara and Carter and you guys… you were family. So no, I’m not here asking you this because of Kara. I’m asking because I can tell that there’s a part of you that’s just about ready to break, I can tell that you’re not over this any more than she is, and I want to check that you’re okay because you’re practically a sister to me too.”

Kara’s hands are curled into fists so tightly that if she were holding anything it would have snapped long ago, and the tiny little gasp of air Cat lets out at Alex’s words, practically a sob, makes her heart clench, her throat feeling tight.

Carter’s eyes are on her, sympathetic and knowing, and Kara stares at her hands and tries not to listen to Cat’s reply, even though her attempts prove to be futile.

“Thank you, Alex.” Her voice wavers, and Kara aches to turn around and take Cat into her arms and tell her that everything’s going to be okay. “I appreciate that. And I… I’m sorry for not keeping in touch with you, I know you called but I… I couldn’t.”

“It’s okay, I get it. It’s easier to move on without being surrounded by the past.” Cat’s laugh is bitter, and Kara hears Carter climb carefully to his feet and pad over to his mother.

“You okay, Mom?” His fierce concern about Cat warms Kara’s soul, because they love each other so much and she’s just so glad that they have one another. Cat must have nodded because he presses with, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, sweetheart, I’m sure. Go and have fun, I’m fine over here with Alex for a little while.” Kara manages to drown them out as Carter bounds back towards them, claiming Kara’s attention by starting another game whilst Alex keeps Cat company at the kitchen counter.

Kara has to fight the urge to turn her head and look back at them every few seconds. She manages it, just barely, with Lucy at her side to keep her from getting distracted, lest she lose another game.

When they finish (and win, much to Lucy’s delight, and James is firmly renounced from being on her team ever again in the future), Kara stretches her arms above her head and rises fluidly to her feet, finally plucking up the courage to go and grab a drink from Alex’s fridge, which has her walking straight past Cat.

She tries not to look at her, but fails, and Cat’s looking right back at her with soft, affectionate eyes that make her breath catch, and she almost trips and falls over her own feet because she’s too distracted by the other woman, hears Alex let out an exasperated huff of laughter and shoots her a glare over her shoulder.

When she turns from the fridge with a bottle of water in her hands, it’s to find that Alex has slipped away, and she and Cat are alone.

“I’d ask you if you were okay,” Kara can’t resist saying, leaning her hip against the counter and lifting the bottle to her lips, keeping a good few feet of space between them, “but you’re probably tired of hearing it.”

“Just a little.” Her eyes are a little unfocused, as Kara’s throat bobs when she swallows, and she feels a shiver of desire at the look on Cat’s face. “Are you enjoying being back?”

“Yeah.” Kara’s eyes glance over to her friends, laughing and joking along with Carter, and feels a flutter of contentment in her chest. “I’ve missed it.”

“You could come back for good, you know.” Cat’s voice is quiet, and she looks away as she says it, focusing on her fingers, drumming against the stem of the glass held tightly in her hands.

“I don’t think I could.”

“The Tribune is better than the Daily Planet,” she argues, because of course she would. “You’re more than suited for a position there. Your sister is here, along with the rest of your makeshift family. I’m sure you could get your old apartment back, or something similar. The only thing holding you back is…”

“You.” Cat raises her head at that, looking at Kara through her lashes, her eyes haunted and mesmerising. “I can’t… I don’t know how to exist around you. I don’t know how to be in the same room without… without wrapping my arms around you and never letting go, without kissing you.” She hears Cat’s breath catch. “If we lived in the same city I’d always be looking over my shoulder, wondering if you’d be there when I turned around. Hoping you were. _Wishing_ you were. I’d spend my lifetime drowning in the memories of what we had, even more than I already do. At least now I can try and focus on other things, I can push them away until I’m alone in my bed and wishing you were there next to me.”

“And what do you think it’s like for me?” Cat replies, voice little more than a whisper. “I go into work sometimes and I still expect to see you at your desk. I sit in my office and I look at the couch and I remember… I remember the day that you first kissed me. I stand on my balcony when it gets too much and I need to be alone and I remember the first time I told you that I loved you. I go home to my bed in the apartment that we once shared, to where I touched you for the first time and I swear that sometimes the pillows on your side of the bed still smell like your perfume. So don’t stand there and tell me how hard it is, Kara, because I do it every single day. I _know_.”

Cat’s eyes are glistening with tears, and she takes a shaky breath as she fights to stop them falling, lifting her eyes towards the ceiling as she attempts to blink them away. Kara can only stand and stare, guilt crawling over her skin and through her veins and making her stomach turn, a sick feeling at the back of her throat.

“Cat, I-I’m - ”

“Don’t,” Cat whispers, shaking her head. “I can’t stand to hear another apology from you, Kara. I meant what I said before. I understand it. All of it, and I don’t blame you.”

“But I _am_ sorry,” she pushes, taking a step closer, itching to reach out and brush her fingertips against Cat’s cheeks, down her arm to take her hand within her own. “I didn’t… I ran away because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand staying behind but I… I never thought about how hard it would be for you. I never thought about how any of this would affect you. I never should have… I never should have kissed you on that day. You never would have been the one to make the first move, so I should have just… let you go. But I was selfish and I wanted you and I’m _sorry_.”

“I’m an adult, Kara,” Cat reminds her, not unkindly. “I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. I knew what I was signing myself up for when I told you I was tired of hiding the way I felt about you. And don’t you _dare_ ,” Cat’s voice turns sharper, and Kara flinches at the force behind her words. “Say that you wished this never happened.”

“I didn’t – and I don’t. But I should have stayed away. If I could go back…”

“I’d want you to do everything exactly the same,” Cat murmurs, her eyes sincere as they hold Kara’s gaze. “Because I don’t regret a thing, Kara. All those months of happiness you gave me, I… I wouldn’t give them up for the world.”

“But I broke your heart.”

“Yes,” Cat admits with a shrug. “And you broke yours along with it.” Kara doesn’t deny it, because they both know that it’s true – she’s sure it’s shining in her eyes, the shattered pieces of her soul that she’s sure she’ll never be able to put back together. “And we both know you’re too stubborn to ever change your mind but… if you do, and you want to try again, then I’ll be here.” Kara wonders what it would do to them, if she did cave to the want and desire swirling in her gut, if she ever reached out and took Cat back into her arms once more.

She wonders if it would erase all the months of pain and heartbreak, if they would ever be able to be the same again.

She wonders if this time, they would be able to make it last – and what it would do to the both of them if they couldn’t.

Whether they’d survive it.

Kara doesn’t think she would.

“But I won’t wait forever,” Cat finishes, throwing it over her shoulder before she turns and strides away, back to her son, whose shoulder she squeezes as she passes him to let him know that she’s okay.

Kara stands there in the kitchen for a little while longer before she finds the strength to move, and she leans into Alex’s shoulder when she pulls her into a hug once she’s back beside her on the couch. They’d moved onto charades whilst she and Cat were talking, and Kara has absolutely no idea what the hell Winn is supposed to be doing, and she thinks Lucy, who is on his team along with Carter, might actually be about to murder him.

“Time!” James calls, gleefully, and Lucy lets out a long-suffering groan.

“What the hell, Winn? What was it?” He just hands over the tiny slip of paper instead of answering, rolling his eyes when the next words out of Lucy’s mouth are, “oh my god, _Winn_! This is so easy, why didn’t you just do this?”

She stands up to demonstrate as Alex’s phone rings, and both she and Kara frown when they see Hank’s name emblazoned across the screen, because usually, it doesn’t bode well.

“Yeah?” Alex answers, pressing the phone to her ear.

_“We have a situation,”_ they both hear Hank’s reply, and Kara feels a thrill of anticipation run through her, because it’s been a while since she’s gotten to kick someone’s ass, and she really feels like she could use it, today of all days. _“We need you at the base. Are you with Supergirl?”_

“Yeah, she’s here.”

_“We could use her, too.”_ Kara is already rising to her feet, extending a hand towards Alex as she makes to stand, too, and she pads down the hallway to Alex’s guest room to grab her suit as she hears Alex telling the others that they’ve got to go.

It was getting pretty late anyway, so there’s very little protest, and when Kara returns from her temporary bedroom in her supersuit, it’s to find the others getting ready to leave. Carter grins when he sees her, and Cat’s eyes turn haunted as they run across her body, and Kara wonders if she’s thinking about what had happened, the last time she’d been face to face with Supergirl.

She lifts a hand to her throat almost subconsciously, and Kara swallows thickly, wonders if she’s remembering what it felt like to have the life squeezed from her, wonders if she’s thinking about how she’d nearly died because Kara almost hadn’t been fast enough to save her.

“Ready?” Alex asks her when she notices Kara hovering in the hallway, midway through strapping her gun to her thigh, and Kara nods, thinking she’s never been more ready for a fight in her life. “We’ll see you guys soon,” Alex directs to the others, and Lucy reminds them not to be late to the dress fitting tomorrow as Kara is shouldering open the window to Alex’s fire escape, ready to fly her and her sister out to the desert.

“Be careful.” It’s quiet, so quiet that Kara almost doesn’t catch it over the wind rushing through her ears, but when she turns her head she sees Cat watching her over Alex’s shoulder with fearful eyes, and she nods, once, because for Cat, she always will be.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Wait, Cat, there's... there's something I need to tell you." Kara's hand, that had been tangled in her hair to press her closer as Cat's mouth made a slow descent down the side of her neck, tightens, tugging her away, and Cat leans back and tries not to pout, because the sound of Kara's ragged breathing as Cat's tongue trailed across her skin?_

_Music to her ears._

_"What's wrong?" She asks with a frown as she notices the nervousness that practically radiates off the other woman – her hands tremble as she reaches up to adjust at her glasses, a nervous tic that Cat has always found secretly adorable._

_They've been on several dates since, in a moment of weakness, Cat had reached for Kara and pressed her against her desk, exhausted from trying to pretend that she was completely unaffected by her assistant when in reality, Kara was all she thought about. It had only gotten worse since Kara had gained the courage to kiss her that first time, and Cat knew, the second that their lips had touched, that she wasn't going to be able to keep her distance any longer._

_She'd made a valiant effort for several weeks, but Kara had worn her down with her shy smiles and her hideous cardigans, and Cat just hadn't been able to take it any longer._

_And she doesn't regret it, because she's happier than she's been in a long, long time. There are a dozen reasons,_ good _ones, why this should never have started, but Cat can't bring herself to think of any single one of them when Kara is in-front of her._

_Four dates, they've been on. Four dinners in various restaurants across the city where Kara had sat opposite her and hesitantly allowed Cat to get to know her better. All had ended with a chaste kiss outside of either Cat's or Kara's apartment door, the invitation to come inside never offered by either one of them – Cat because she was scared of pushing too hard, too soon, because the girl was still her employee and she didn't want to ever put Kara in a position where she was scared to say no, and Cat has no idea why Kara is doing the same, but she is content to wait, because she already has been for so long, and a few more weeks won’t kill her._

_But then Kara had asked her, with a trembling voice and shaking hands, if she could come over on Friday night while Carter was staying at his father's for the weekend, and the enthusiastic_ yes _from Cat had surprised them both._

_She'd made them dinner before they'd curled up on the couch with the intention of watching a movie – it had been paused less than ten minutes in when Kara had turned to her and kissed her senseless before pulling Cat onto her lap, but now, as Cat studies Kara's face, she sees very little of that confidence on her face. Only nerves._

_"Kara?" She presses, cradling Kara's cheek gently in her hand and tilting her head upwards to meet her gaze. "Talk to me."_

_"I... promise me you won't get mad?" Cat's frown deepens, but she nods her head._

_"I promise."_

_"I... I-well, I'm Supergirl." Cat just sits back on her haunches and watches Kara closely, has to fight a smirk at the cringe on the girl's face, clearly terrified that Cat is about to snap at her._

_"Yes, darling, I am aware of that," she says, eventually, putting Kara out of her misery – her eyes widen at Cat's response in surprise, and she gives a wry shake of her head. "You're not exactly a super sleuth, Kara. I've known for a long, long time. You made me doubt myself for a while when there were two of you..." She trails off, quirking her eyebrow as she waits for Kara to fill in the gap._

_"I... I know someone that can shapeshift," she answers quietly, and Cat nods, filing that away in her brain to think about later. "How... how come you never said anything?"_

_"Because you were clearly terrified of me finding out," she answers with a shrug. "So I played along. I pretended your friends were awfully convincing when they told me you'd just gone to the copier, or the supply closet, or for lunch whenever you disappeared. Coincidentally whenever Supergirl appeared on the news," she adds, "and really, Kara, how stupid do you think I am?"_

_"I... I'm sorry." Her eyes are sheepish, and she hangs her head until Cat tilts her head up once more, brushing a gentle kiss against her lips._

_"It's okay. You didn't trust me, and I can understand why." It stings, to think that Kara might fear that Cat would expose her, but she can't blame her – she_ is _the Queen of all Media, after all. "I was content to sit back and wait for you to feel safe enough to tell me." Kara's eyes fill with tears, and Cat's heart clenches in her chest. "And I'm glad you did. I'm glad you trust me with your secret."_

_"I was just so scared that you'd fire me," she murmurs, sounding small. "And my job is the only thing that's ever made me feel normal. Until... until this." She flexes the fingers of the hand at Cat's hip, digging into her skin for one blissful second, to illustrate her point._

_"I shouldn’t have said those things," Cat admits quietly. "But the thought of me running National City's hero ragged whilst you could be out there saving all those people..." She trails off with a shake of her head. "I couldn't understand why you wanted to stay. Why you_ had _."_

_"Because I need you," Kara whispers, her eyes earnest and vulnerable as they gaze up at her. "I need you, and I need CatCo and I... didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose you."_

_"Well, I'm not going anywhere," she assures her, because Cat isn't entirely sure she ever could, even if she wanted to. "And neither are you, if you don't want to. You can keep your job. Just... tell the Cardigan Hobbit to stop lying to my face whenever you're gone."_

_"That 'cardigan hobbit'," Kara replies, trying to fight a smile. "Is my friend."_

_"God knows why," Cat replies with a delicate shudder. "The way he looks at you sometimes..." She trails off, fingers curling almost possessively into Kara's shoulders. "He likes you."_

_"I know. He kissed me once." Kara makes a face, and Cat almost growls, digs her fingers in harder, enough for Kara to let out a tiny moan. "You don't have to worry about him," she murmurs quietly. "I only have eyes for you."_

_"And James Olsen?" Cat presses, because there had been a time when she'd been sure that there was something between them, and it had made her blood boil, even though she had no_ right _. And she still doesn't, not really – she and Kara are yet to define what this is, though she suspects it's much more than casual dating for the both of them._

_"Was a hell of a lot easier to pretend I had a crush on than my boss." Kara's fingertips stroke against her hip in the most distracting of ways, her other hand dropping to the back of Cat's neck and playing idly with the ends of her hair. "Nothing ever happened."_

_"I think that's enough talk about boys for one night, don't you?" Cat queries as she slides the hand at Kara's cheek over to her glasses and lifts them from her face. "And you won't be needing these anymore." She folds them neatly and leans backwards to place them delicately on the coffee table at her back. "They'll just get in the way."_

_She breathes that against Kara's lips before she kisses her again, Kara's lips parting easily for her tongue. The hand on her hip tugs her ever closer, and Cat can't help but groan when she feels Kara's stomach against her sex, grinds her hips just once as she trails the fingertips of one of her hands teasingly down the side of Kara's neck and over her sternum, until she's cupping one of her breasts gently in her hand._

_Kara's groan echoes Cat's at the feeling, her back arching into her touch, and Cat parts their lips to catch her breath, presses a kiss against the corner of Kara's jaw and breathes out a quiet moan when she feels Kara's hand settle tentatively on her thigh just beneath the hem of her skirt, the touch burning against Cat's already overheated skin._

_She presses a bite against Kara's pulse point and feels her hand slide higher in response, nails dragging lightly across Cat's skin and she feels heat pool low in her stomach as Kara's fingers creep higher. Cat busies herself with the buttons of Kara's blouse, popping three open one-handed before sliding her hand beneath the silken material and brushing against one of Kara's nipples with her thumb._

_Kara lets out a stuttered gasp, and then she freezes, and so does Cat, raising her head from Kara's neck as she snatches her hand from out of Kara's shirt. "What's wrong?" She murmurs when Kara won't even look at her, leaning back with a frown. "Did I do something wrong? Move too fast?"_

_"No, no!" Kara is quick to assure her, cheeks flaming pink – she reaches the hand not currently resting on Cat's leg to her face before she remembers that her glasses are no longer on her nose. "I just... god." She closes her eyes, shakes her head and Cat cups her cheek gently._

_"Look at me," she murmurs, imploringly, and when Kara's eyes flicker open she looks mortified and Cat doesn't know_ why _. "What is it?"_

_"It's... I thought I could do this without... that it would just be..." She pauses, searching for the right words, fidgeting nervously between Cat's knees, and Cat just sits back and waits, patiently. "There's something else I guess I need to tell you."_

_"I'm listening," she urges, keeping her voice soft because Kara looks like she's almost ready to bolt._

_"I... I've never done this before," she admits in a whisper, unable to look Cat in the eye – she stares at the long-forgotten TV screen over her shoulder, instead._

_"With a woman?" Cat presses._

_"With... with anyone." Kara says it so quietly that Cat has to strain her ears to hear her, still looking resolutely anywhere other than at Cat's face._

_"You've never...?"_

_"No." Cat has to admit, she's a little surprised, because Kara is drop-dead_ gorgeous _and she can't imagine that it was to do with a lack of interest. "I... I was always too scared. That I'd lose control of my powers and hurt them by accident. Does this... this doesn't change anything between us, does it?"_

_"No, sweetheart, no." Cat uses her index finger under Kara's chin to tilt her head up, because she sounds so small and vulnerable and it breaks her heart. "Why on earth would it?"_

_"It has before," she says quietly. "Whenever I told people that I was a virgin and I wanted to wait they always... they always left, sooner rather than later."_

_"Well, every single one of those people is an idiot, Kara," she murmurs, keeping her gaze steady as she looks down at the other woman. "And like I told you earlier, I'm not going anywhere. Sex is... wonderful, yes, but there are so many more things to a relationship than that."_

_"Is that what we are?" Kara asks, almost like she can't believe it. "In a relationship?"_

_"Well I don't about know about you," Cat replies, and it's her turn to feel vulnerable. "But I'm not interested in anyone else right now."_

_"Neither am I," Kara answers immediately, and Cat feels her heart beat a little faster, knows that Kara's smile is because she can hear it. "Does this mean I can call you my girlfriend?"_

_"Only in your head." Kara grins, and leans upward to brush a barely-there kiss against Cat's lips._

_"Thank you."_

_"I haven't done anything," Cat protests, resting her forehead against Kara's and keeping her eyes closed._

_"Yes, you have," Kara replies earnestly, and Cat can't help but shift a little restlessly as she squeezes at Cat's thigh. "And I... I've never been with anyone who knew about my powers before." Cat's eyes flicker open, sensing that this is something important. "I've never been with someone who could be aware of them while we were doing... things." Cat's lips twitch, but she doesn’t say a word. "But I think... I_ want _to try with you. I want to..." She trails her fingertips a little higher, and Cat's lips part in a quiet moan as they brush against her underwear, Kara's breath stuttering as she feels how wet Cat is through the lace. "I want to feel you."_

_"Not yet," Cat breathes, catching Kara's wrist and dragging her hand away, settling it at her waist instead. "We'll take it slow," she promises against Kara's lips. "We'll explore a little." She feels a little thrill of excitement at the thought – it's been so long since she'd truly taken the time to learn another's body, every single spot that drove them wild. "We'll see what you're comfortable with and what your limits might be and we'll go from there."_

_"Can we start right now?" Kara asks, an eagerness to her voice that makes Cat laugh, breathless against her mouth, and Kara kisses the 'yes' right from her mouth._

X-x-x

It always makes Cat think of the nervousness in Kara's eyes when she'd admitted who she was whenever Cat sees her in her suit, zipping over the city almost too fast for the human eye to follow. She thinks about it as she stands in her office and reviews the footage from the previous night, watches a handful of videos of Kara flying and a few more of her fighting until she can recall every second of them in her mind.

The last sighting of Kara had been her hurtling into the sea, a wave of water following the impact, before she fought her way to the surface and pursued her attacker, one that Cat prays hadn't been stronger than her, in the end.

It leaves her more than a little shaken, and the nerves she can feel from Lucy, James and Winn tell Cat that they haven't heard from Kara either, and it doesn't help her. She eats her way through a whole bowl of M&M's before lunch, and screams at her assistant to go out and buy her some more when she reaches into the bowl and her fingers only scrape against smooth porcelain.

On the plus side, Supergirl's triumphant return to National City gives Cat a story to focus on, and she wonders if she can wrangle an interview with Kara whilst she's in town.

She gets her wish later that afternoon, when she hears the flutter of a cape and turns her head to see Supergirl standing on her balcony, hair mussed from the wind but otherwise looking none the worse for wear, and Cat is out of her chair and walking towards her only a moment after she's landed.

"What are you doing here?" She asks as she pulls the balcony door open, leaning against the side of one of her sofas as Kara makes herself at home against the railing.

"I thought you might be worried." Kara nods her head towards the screens in Cat's office, which still show the same footage of Kara falling into the water. "I came to tell you that I was okay." Cat nods, more grateful than she'll ever let Kara know, feels some of the anxiety that had been churning through her stomach all day begin to ease. "And I... kind of wanted to see you again."

"Is National City safe?" Cat asks, because acknowledging Kara's last remark is too much for her to bear.

"It took a while – and a lot of the sun's rays to get my powers back – but yeah. The alien's back at the DEO, and the city lives for another day." Cat doesn’t necessarily agree with the DEO's methods of locking away suspects without a fair trail – a fact that she and Alex had often debated – but she knows that without them, National City, and maybe even the world, wouldn't be still standing.

It's hard for the journalist in her to ignore, sometimes, though.

"I... there is actually another reason for me coming here." Kara sounds nervous, and Cat quirks an eyebrow upwards, encouraging her to continue. "It's Carter's birthday on Thursday." Cat nods, because she is in fact aware of that – neither one of them has been looking forward to it, not really, because the last two had been spent with Kara, one in their apartment and the other in Paris. "I was wondering if it would be okay with you if I got him something."

"Of course it would, Kara." Cat hates that she's so hesitant about asking for things when it comes to Carter, because yes, he's Cat's son, but once upon a time he'd been _their_ son, and she hates to feel like she's taking that relationship away from either one of them. "In fact..." She trails off and takes a deep breath, because it's something she's been thinking about since last night, since seeing that spark in Carter's eyes whenever Kara had struck up a conversation with him. "We were planning on celebrating just the two of us for dinner at home, but you... you're welcome to come, if you like."

"Are... you sure?" If Cat's being honest then no, she's not, but - 

"I think having you there will be the best present either one of us could give him," she answers quietly, knowing in her heart that it's true.

"O-okay." Kara throws her a hesitant smile that looks so strange from her in the suit that she wears like an armour, trying to project a confident version of herself to the world. Cat doesn’t know how she'd ever been fooled whenever Supergirl was before her, because it was so easy for her now to look through to see the nervous woman beneath.

Kara had always hated wearing the suit in-front of her, and when Cat had dared to ask her about it once, she'd murmured that it was because she'd wanted Cat to fall in love with Kara Danvers and not Supergirl. She'd said it like she feared that only her persona was worthy of her love, and Cat had wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her lips and murmured that she'd always love them both the same.

It _had_ been Kara that she'd fallen for, though. Supergirl left her awed and amazed, but Kara... Kara had snuck into her life, into her heart and into her soul, slowly but surely, chipped away at Cat's every wall with a smile on her face and a latte in her hand every single morning until one day Cat had woken up and realised that she couldn't live a life without her in it.

"I would like one thing in return, though," Cat says sweetly, and Kara's expression turns wary, waiting for Cat's request. "An interview."

"With me?" Cat hasn't published a single one since that first one, had pestered James for another for a while after but the second she'd realised it was Kara she'd dropped it, had settled for reporting Supergirl-related news instead.

"Yes, Kara, with you. It wouldn't have been ethical for me to ask you whilst we were dating but now that that's no longer an issue..."

"And why should I?" Kara looks defensive, and Cat wonders if she's remembering Cat's sharp tongue that first time on that hill, or the equally pointed words she'd written about Kara the following day. She remembers her offence at being called Supergirl and smiles.

"Really, it's the least you can do, after you left." It's a low blow, and they both know it. "Not just me, but the city, too. They deserve some kind of explanation. And you owe me. I branded you, and you left me for Metropolis, gave the Daily Planet your business instead of Tribune, but while you're here..."

"You're really guilt-tripping me?" Kara asks, with an exasperated shake of her head. "Really?" Cat just waits, arms folded across her chest, until Kara sighs. "Alright, fine."

Cat is delighted, directs Kara onto one of the sofas whilst she pops back into her office to snatch up her phone and a notebook and pen to scribble things down with. She closes the curtains lining the balcony windows in her office to keep them away from prying eyes before she settles down on the couch opposite Kara and sets the phone on record on the table that separates them.

"So, Supergirl," Cat begins, crossing one leg over the other and resting her notebook on her thigh, pen poised between her fingers. "Why did you leave National City?"

"Really, Cat?" She asks, frowning, because they both know _why_. Cat thinks about the why every time she wakes up disorientated in bed after a bad dream and rolls over, expecting Kara to still be there, on her side of the bed.

"Don't you think the public should know why you left them, Supergirl?" She's careful not to slip and use Kara's name, lest this recording get out there in the world somehow. "Why you left the city completely at the mercy of those that you once protected it against?"

"At their complete mercy is a bit of a stretch," Kara argues, frown deepening. "National City survived without me before I revealed myself. When I left – for personal reasons that I'm not willing to discuss – I didn't leave the city defenceless."

"Oh?" Cat presses, even though they both know she's talking about the DEO. Kara's frown turns into a glare, and Cat has to fight a smirk – she rarely got to see this side of her in the past.

"Besides," Kara continues with a shrug. "Most of the threats against National City that happened whilst I was here were _because_ of me. They were trying to get to me. When I left... they followed."

"And why Metropolis? To re-unite with your cousin?"

"Yes." Kara doesn’t offer anything other than that, and Cat hums quietly as she makes a note on the page.

"And why are you back now? Is it to do with the footage of you fighting with presumably another extra-terrestrial that hit the news last night?"

"Yes."

"You're not giving me much to go on, Supergirl," Cat pushes, but Kara just smiles sweetly back at her.

"Because I don't particularly want to be doing this, Miss Grant." It's been months and months since Kara called her that, and she's a little ashamed to admit that it makes a shiver roll down her spine. She hopes Kara doesn't notice. "Your city is safe, it doesn't need me anymore. And if it ever does... I'll come. Just like I did last night."

"What's it like, working with your cousin?"

"Amazing." Kara's eyes light up, in that way that they used to whenever she'd talked about home. Over the course of their relationship, Cat had learned a lot about Krypton, about their customs and beliefs (even some of the language), had heard about how Kara grew up, and what life was like there.

It had absolutely fascinated her, and Kara had been only too eager to share as much as she could remember.

"It's fun to be around someone... someone who understands." Cat knows that Superman doesn’t have the same memories that Kara does of her home planet, knows it had been difficult for her, to not have anyone to share the memories of the past with.

She thinks that that is one of the many reasons why losing her Aunt had been so hard.

"Any regrets about leaving?" Cat asks, then, and Kara's eyes cloud over, and Cat feels a flash of regret, wonders if she should have asked Kara to regale her with tales of hers and Clark's adventures, instead.

"Some," she answers quietly, holding Cat's gaze. "But not enough to come back." Cat swallows, thickly, and nods, pressing pause on her phone and setting her notebook down.

"That'll do for today I think, Supergirl. Thank you."

"You didn't really give me much choice," Kara shrugs, but there's little malice in her tone.

"I still would have let you come to dinner if you'd said no, Kara," Cat sighs, because she's not a _monster._ "Don't pretend I forced your hand."

"You're a lot meaner when you're at work," Kara says conversationally, leaning back in the chair, more relaxed now that Cat is no longer in journalist-mode.

"I always have been," Cat points out, because she knows that none of her employees would believe how soft she could be, alone in her apartment with Kara at her side, how she would curl up in her arms and murmur how much she loved her, how she would worship her body with hands and lips and teeth and tongue after a particularly trying day, taking away the sting of the words she'd yelled in the office with gentle, soothing touches against heated skin. "So I don't know why you sound so surprised."

"Guess it's just been a while since it was directed at me," she replies quietly. "I should... I should probably get going. If I'm late to meet Lucy I think both she _and_ Alex might kill me." Kara rises to her feet, stretching her arms above her head and letting out a tiny groan when the bones crack.

It's a noise that Cat's heard countless times before, but usually because of something _she's_ done, and it takes her a moment to clear her mind of highly inappropriate thoughts that she should _not_ be having with Kara standing right in-front of her.

"Are you coming to the wedding?" She asks before she flies away, and Cat shakes her head as she pushes herself upright. "You should."

"And see you looking absolutely beautiful when I can barely stand keeping my distance from you now?" The words slip out before she can stop them, and she curses her lack of self-control – blames it on Kara and her stupid distracting noises. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Cat..." Kara takes a step forward, and Cat is unable to take one back – it leaves them closer than they have been in months, and Cat loses all her composure, forgets how to even breathe. "If it's... if it'd be easier for me to just... go, then you can tell me. I don't... I don't want to feel like I'm forcing myself on you.”

“You’re not, Kara.” She’s drowning in the scent of Kara’s perfume, her head spinning from her being so close, and Cat blames her fuzzy mind for what she does next, reaching up a trembling hand to cup the side of Kara’s face. “Believe me when I say that I’d let you know if you were.”

Her skin is soft beneath Cat’s fingertips and exactly as she remembers it, and Kara’s eyes flutter closed as Cat’s thumb grazes across her cheek, her breath stuttering and Cat’s heart pounding, and she’s transfixed by every reaction, even as she knows that she shouldn’t be doing this, she should turn and walk away.

But there’s too much longing in her to want to try, her body pulling her towards Kara like a moth to a flame, and Cat doesn’t think she’ll ever be strong enough to resist the burn.

“I should go,” she breathes again, and Cat can only nod, because she _should_ , but Kara doesn’t move away. Cat allows herself a single moment of weakness that she’ll know she’ll regret the second Kara is gone and leans closer until her forehead is practically touching Kara’s shoulder, and then a pair of warm arms are encircling her back and Cat nearly lets out a sob.

It’s the first time she’s been held since before everything had gone to hell, and Cat practically melts into the embrace, breathes Kara in and never wants her to let go. Kara tightens her hold and Cat wonders if she’s accidentally said the words aloud, but she forgets how to care about that when Kara’s breath stirs her hair as she rests her chin on the top of Cat’s head, and Cat feels content for the first time in what feels like years.

But it’s over too soon, Kara’s lips brushing against the top of Cat’s head in the ghost of a kiss before she’s whispering ‘I’m sorry’ (Cat wishes she could erase that word from Kara’s vocabulary, because she says if far too often and Cat is sick of hearing it), and then she’s gone, disappearing with a flutter of her cape and a rush of air that leaves Cat shivering, staring up into the sky long after the red dot of Kara flying ahead has faded over the horizon.

x-x-x

_I’ll get Lucy to drop Carter’s present by your office on Wednesday._

That’s the text Cat receives as she’s climbing into her car to make her way home, after a long day of yelling at her employees and writing up her latest Supergirl interview to print in the Tribune the following morning, and Cat rolls her eyes skyward as she reads the words.

_Don’t be ridiculous. You’re coming over for dinner._

So yeah, maybe she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Kara all day, and maybe the feeling of Kara’s skin beneath her fingertips and the feeling of her lips brushing against her forehead had been haunting her since that afternoon.

And maybe it was a terrible idea for them to spend any more time together because she’s always on Cat’s mind, now worse than ever before, and Cat fears that she’s _falling_ even harder for her than she ever has before, but she’s always been a masochist, and she can deal with the consequences of all of this when Kara is gone again, back in Metropolis with little intention of returning to National City anytime soon.

_Even after what happened before?_ Kara replies as Cat’s fumbling with her keys to open her front door, pleasantly surprised to be overwhelmed by the smell of food as she steps over the threshold. Cat had taught Carter well when it came to knowing his way around a kitchen, and on the days where she has to work late she’ll often come home to find her son with an apron around his waist, ready to set dinner on the table.

_Yes, even after what happened before._ Cat shoots back as she’s shrugging out of her coat and kicking off her heels by the door, padding further into the apartment on bare feet, letting out a grateful sigh when she sees a glass of wine waiting for her on the kitchen counter.

“What did I do to deserve a son like you?” Cat asks as she snatches it up, and Carter glances at her over his shoulder where he stands stirring a pot on the stove.

“Who said that was for you?” He teases as Cat takes a sip of the wine, and Cat levels him with an unamused glance over the rim of the glass. “And I don’t know. Guess you just raised me well.” Cat smiles softly, because she’d made so many mistakes with Adam and when she’d been pregnant with Carter she’d been terrified of making each and every one all over again.

Her biggest fear had been losing her second son like she’d lost her first, and she’d done everything in her power to ensure that she didn’t. She’d taken time off work to make sure that she was there for Carter’s biggest milestones, had ensured that he knew that he came first, over everyone else in the world, and had made sure she’d fought long and hard for custody when his father had threatened to take him away.

“I’m glad you think so,” she replies quietly, smiling fondly as she watches him frowning down in concentration at the pot in-front of him. “Need any help?”

“You can get the plates out.” She brushes past him to fetch them out of the cupboard, setting them on the counter beside him. “And you have time to go and get changed, if you want.” She disappears to her room to do just that, because Cat’s favourite thing, at the end of the day, is to shed her work clothes and the persona that comes along with them, to change into her sweatpants and an old, worn shirt, to become no-one other than Carter’s mother.

Her phone is flashing with a notification by the time she makes it back to the kitchen, snatching both that and her wine up as she follows Carter over to the table, settling into her usual seat as he sets a plate down in-front of her.

“Very impressive,” she murmurs as she eyes the pasta dish appreciatively, picking up her fork and twirling it between her fingers. “Is this one going to be hot enough to make my eyes water like last time?”

One of Cat’s least favourite parts of Carter starting to cook without her watching carefully over his shoulder is the fact that he’s taken to experimenting with recipes – the last pasta sauce he’d made had enough chilli powder in it to kill a small child, Cat was sure.

“No, I followed the recipe this time,” he assures her. “I swear.”

“Okay.” She catches a piece of pasta with a fork and hums in approval as it passes her lips. “It’s lovely, Carter, as always.”

“You didn’t say that last time.”

“I would have if I weren’t too busy drinking a pint of water at the time.” Carter grins down at his own plate, and Cat uses the silence as they both eat to sneak a glance down at the message on her phone.

_But are you sure? Like… really sure?_ Cat rolls her eyes, types out a reply one-handed as she lifts another piece of pasta to her mouth.

_Yes, Kara, I’m sure. How many times do I have to tell you that before you believe me?_

_One more wouldn’t hurt_ , comes the immediately reply, and Cat shakes her head.

_I want you to come. Carter will enjoy it._

_And you?_

_Do you really want me to answer that question?_

_No._

_Good, then I won’t. How was dress shopping?_

_Awful. Lucy made me try on at least four dresses, and I swear each one was more hideous than the last. If she made us try on another I think Alex might have actually shot her._ Cat feels a smile tug at her lips as she reads Kara’s response, imagines the way her nose would be scrunched in distaste, and she isn’t aware of Carter’s eyes watching her closely until she raises her head.

“What?” She asks, noticing his curious gaze, and he squints at her for one more second before answering.

“Nothing. I guess I just… haven’t seen you smile like that in a while.” He watches her for another long moment. “Is it Kara?” It’s a stupid question, because they both know the answer is yes.

“I invited her to dinner on Thursday.”

“Is that a good idea?” He asks, though Cat can see from the look that flashes through his eyes that it’s something that he wants.

“Why don’t you let me worry about that?”

“Because I worry that your judgement is clouded when it comes to her.” He sounds so grown-up that it makes her ache, because he’s not her little boy anymore. “Because I think that you’re worried that you’re coming between her and I having a relationship and yeah, Mom, I do miss her, but I don’t want her around if it’s only going to hurt you.”

“You shouldn’t be thinking about that, Carter. You shouldn’t be sacrificing things for me – I’m your Mom, that’s supposed to be my job.”

“And you’ve looked after me for my entire life, Mom, now let me do the same for you. I can live without Kara. For thirteen years it was just you and me and it was okay, Mom. It was fine. I don’t need a relationship with Kara. I don’t want to put you through that.”

“I can handle it.”

“Can you?” He asks, and she wonders if he’s thinking about all the times he’d seen her sneaking a drink, trying to pretend that she was sober even when her head was spinning and she felt sick, because she hated the thought of him seeing her so out of control.

“She wants to see you on your birthday. And I can handle it. If I can’t,” she adds, the second she sees his mouth open to protest, “then I won’t invite her over again, okay? But we can do one night. Like it used to be.” He looks like he’s going to disagree again, but eventually nods his head. “Now, tell me about your day at school,” she changes the subject. “Did you get those history grades back you were worried about?”

He didn’t, as it turns out, but he does give her an update on how the rest of his classes are going, and Cat listens just as intently as she always does. She tells Carter about her interview with Supergirl when he asks about her day (earning her a disapproving glance, and he really, truly is her son), because she knows there’ll be no hiding it when it hits the headlines in the morning.

“You really can’t stay away from her, can you?” He asks, dryly, as they’re loading up the dishwasher after finishing dinner. “You guys are a disaster.” Cat can’t even disagree, because she thinks that sums the two of them up perfectly – a disaster waiting to happen, the more time they spend together. “I don’t get it.”

“Maybe you will, one day.” She wants Carter to feel it – true, all consuming love, deeper than any other feeling in the world. She just hopes that he doesn’t feel it only to lose it, never wants him to know that kind of pain and loss.

“Yeah, maybe.” Cat heads down to her study whilst Carter catches up on some homework, putting a few finishing touches to her article while she gives Carter time to finish what he’s doing so that they can play a quick game of something before they go to bed.

She quickly grows bored of staring at her laptop screen and reaches for her phone instead, re-reading Kara’s earlier message and finding her fingers typing out a reply, even as she knew she shouldn’t.

_Can I see the winning dress?_

_It’s awful,_ Kara replies, almost immediately, and Cat wonders if she’d been perched on Alex’s couch, waiting for Cat to text her back.

_With the way you look, you could pull off anything._ She blames the wine for that, though with the amount of bourbon she’s been consuming lately she’s pretty sure it’d take at least three glasses before she was even tipsy.

_Speak for yourself_ , Kara sends back, with an attached photo of a light green poofy monstrosity that actually makes Cat snort a little as she imagines the way it would completely dwarf both Kara and Alex.

_Oh, wow. That is… I don’t even have the words to describe what that is. Please tell me there is photographic evidence of your sister wearing it._

_Well, don’t tell her I sent you this, but…_ Kara sends her another photo, of a thoroughly un-impressed Alex standing in-front of a mirror, Kara just barely visible in the reflection, holding her phone high above her head. It’s the expression on Alex’s face that Cat thinks is the best part, the ‘help me’ look shining clearly in her eyes. _You should come to the wedding just to see the both of us dressed in these because, you know, priceless._

_Maybe I’ll think about it,_ Cat finds herself replying, even though the thought of attending a wedding that they once would have gone as together (that they might have even had their own wedding before watching Lucy be walked down the aisle), makes her stomach churn. _Just so I can take a photo of Lois and blow it up into a billboard on the way into Metropolis._ She smirks at the thought.

_I don’t get what your deal is with her. And she won’t tell me._

_It’s a long story._ One Cat isn’t in the mood to tell, not tonight. _How was the rest of your day?_

_Boring. Can I except a scathing write-up in the Tribune come morning?_

_…Define scathing._

_Really, Cat?_ Cat can practically sense Kara’s exasperation through the screen of her phone. _Again?_

_It’s not as bad as the last one,_ she defends. _And besides, I can’t be too nice to you. People might start to speculate._

_Why did you even want that interview, anyway? I’ve been seen in National City a few times since I left, and the Daily Planet’s been reporting on everything I’ve been doing over there. Lois is probably going to kill me for talking to you._

_Good. She can’t steal my superhero._

_I wasn’t aware that I was._ A second later, she gets another message. _And don’t avoid the question._

_I branded you, didn’t I? That makes you mine. Or, well, CatCo’s, I suppose. And I wanted that interview to boost sales._ Cat bites at her lip, deliberating for a moment and adding another sentence before she hits send. _And maybe because I wanted a not-so-transparent reason to talk to you again._

_I always have been. Yours, I mean._ Cat’s heart stutters in her chest, and she wishes that Kara didn’t _say_ things like this, almost as much as she wishes that she’d never stop. _And you can use transparent reasons to talk to me. I have been. Games night, landing on your balcony, sending you a message… all completely transparent. All because I can’t seem to stay away from you._

_I know the feeling._

_Do you think it’ll ever get any easier?_ Kara asks, after a lengthy pause that makes Cat wonder whether she’d written and deleted something else before pressing send.

_No_ , is Cat’s honest reply, because it’s been six months and all it had taken was the sight of Kara to completely unravel her and bring her to her knees, and she can honestly say that she doesn’t expect things to be better in another year, or even five.

Because a part of her will always remember what they had, will always yearn to have Kara back in her life, back in her arms and in her bed, no matter how much time passes her by.

_At least not for me. I hope it does for you,_ she adds, after a moment. _You deserve to be happy again, Kara, even if you don’t believe it._

_And you don’t?_ Is the immediate response, and Cat shuts her laptop off because she knows she isn’t going to be getting any more work done that night.

_Not as much as you do. You’re young. You shouldn’t spend the rest of your life alone, but me? I accepted that I’d never find love again when I left Carter’s father twelve years ago. You were… a miracle, and I know I’ll never find anything like that again. I’m past my prime, and no-one wants a bitter old woman like me._

_I do._ Cat’s breath catches at the reply, even as she shakes her head, frowning down at the phone in her hand.

_Don’t say things you don’t mean._

_But I do mean it._

_Don’t say things you won’t act on, then,_ Cat amends, and it takes so long for Kara to reply that Cat fears she’s never going to, is almost halfway out of her chair to go and check on Carter’s progress with his homework when her phone finally buzzes.

_I wish I could. I think about it all the time._ Cat’s heart races as she reads the words, collapsing back into her chair as the air rushes out of her lungs in one slow, single breath.

_So do I,_ she finds herself typing, even though she knows that they’re straying into dangerous territory, and she should put a stop to it right now.

_I shouldn’t have started this conversation, should I?_ Kara asks, and Cat’s reply is a quick ‘no’ because she really shouldn’t. Because now all Cat can think about is the way Kara’s skin had felt beneath her fingertips earlier that day, remembering the way other parts of her body had felt under her hands, under her tongue and god, she hasn’t allowed herself to think about Kara like that for months but it all comes rushing back and leaves her breathless.

_Sorry. I should probably go._

_Yes, you should. Before one of us says something we regret._ Like ‘fly over here right now and make me forget how much this hurts’. _Goodnight, Kara. I’ll see you on Thursday._ Cat thinks that it’s probably going to be torture, to be in such close quarters after this, but she can handle it, for her son. _Seven pm. Don’t be late._

_I wouldn’t dream of it._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some violence in the second flashback in this chapter, so be wary of that if it's a potential problem for you. It's not particularly graphic, but it is there.

_“Kara, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” Kara smiles into Cat’s shoulders as she hears the words, because she’s been able to tell that something’s been bothering the other woman all night – she’d been uncharacteristically nervy, and after they’d curled up in bed around one other, exhausted, she hadn’t taken her usual five minutes to fall asleep, and instead had stared at the wall opposite._

_“What is it?” Kara asks sleepily (Cat had driven her over the edge three times with just her mouth and she can barely keep her eyes open), and she loosens her hold on Cat’s waist as she turns in Kara’s arms._

_There’s a tender expression in her eyes when they meet Kara’s, and a reverence to the way that she reaches up to brush a few strands of blonde hair behind Kara’s ear, fingertips lingering at her cheek._

_“Cat?” Kara presses, because her eyes are swirling with nerves and her hand trembles against Kara’s skin, and it makes her_ worry _._

_“I… I was wondering how you’d feel about making this a more permanent arrangement.” Kara’s eyes narrow in confusion, because what’s more permanent than the eight months of dating they’ve been doing? “You staying here, I mean.” Understanding flickers in Kara’s eyes. “I was wondering if you’d like to move in with us.”_

_“Yes.” Kara’s answer is immediate, and Cat’s eyes widen in surprise._

_“You don’t… want to take time to think about it?”_

_“No,” Kara shakes her head. “I already_ have _thought about it. I’ve gone from staying over only on the weekends to practically the whole week, too. Cat, I spend more time here than I do in my own apartment, I have done for weeks. I’ve been dreaming about the day where I get to wake up next to you each and every single morning for months.” Cat’s eyes start to glisten with tears (she’s always more emotional at night, and Kara thinks it’s adorable – not that she’d ever say that to Cat’s face, of course). “Did you really think for a second I’d say no?” She asks, because she’d seen the hesitancy in Cat’s expression._

_“I thought it might have been too soon.”_

_“Well, you’re the only person I’ve ever been with,” Kara reminds her, and Cat gets that pleased expression on her face that she always does whenever Kara points that out. “So I wouldn’t know. But what I_ do _know is that I love you very much – I fall more in love with you every day.” She makes sure that she tells Cat this a lot, because she swears there’s still a part of Cat that thinks she doesn’t deserve Kara in her life. “And nothing would make me happier than getting to share this space with you. Wait,” Kara pauses, remembering that there is another person that lives in this apartment, too. “Did you clear this with Carter?”_

_“Of course I did, Kara,” Cat replies with a disbelieving roll of her eyes. “As a matter of fact, he was the one who brought it up. He thought he was holding us back.”_

_“When really it was just your nerves?” Kara teases, and Cat’s eyes narrow into a glare, making her laugh and lean down to brush it away with the gentle press of her lips. “I feel like a move is going to be awfully anti-climactic, though,” she murmurs thoughtfully when they part. “Seeing as everything I own that I actually need is already here.”_

_A phone charger had appeared in Cat’s bedroom after two weeks, and a toothbrush after three. When she’d started staying over more often Cat had begrudgingly offered her a drawer for her clothes (‘try to only bring your least hideous ones, Kara, there’s only so much I can take’, she’d said at the time, and Kara had pretended to be outraged), and after a while she’d needed so many that they’d started to creep into her walk-in closet, too. The latest book she’s reading is always sitting on the table on the left-hand side of the bed, along with several spare pairs of glasses, and more often than not, her laptop sits on there, too._

_“Yes, well, you can finally get rid of that monstrosity of an apartment.” Cat’s nose wrinkles, and Kara rolls her eyes._

_“I don’t seem to hear you complaining when I invite you over there whenever Carter’s home.”_

_“Because usually I’m too busy kissing you to remember where I am,” Cat replies, and she has a point. Kara’s apartment has become more of a sex cave than anything else – not that she is complaining. Anything but. “Carter will be elated when he hears you said yes.”_

_“He must’ve known I was going to.” Kara’s happiness whenever she’s over here eating dinner with Cat and Carter or getting her ass handed to her at whatever Carter’s video game of the week was (superpowers couldn’t defeat the PlayStation, it seemed) is palpable, and she looks forward to those nights more than any other._

_“Sometimes I think he’s still a little scared that one day he’s going to wake up and you’ll be gone,” Cat admits quietly. “No-one’s ever… no-one’s ever stuck around for him, not really. His father left and it was messy and awful for the both of us and then… everyone else I dated afterwards just… wasn’t interested when they heard I had a son. Not beyond trying to stay in my good graces, anyway. Which is why I never allowed any of them to meet him but you…you make such an effort with him, something he’s only used to with me, and I wonder if a part of him worries that he loves you more than you love him.”_

_“That’s not true,” Kara replies with a shake of her head, because if anything, sometimes she fears it’s the other way around. “I… I love him like he was my own.” She says that part quietly, because while it’s something she’s thought several times before, when she swells with pride as Carter tells her about his latest grades at school, or as she stands and paints with him on Cat’s balcony after a hard week for the both of them, it’s not a thought that she’s ever voiced aloud, and she worries how Cat might take it._

_“He practically_ is _yours, Kara. You remember what he said to my mother when she came over here after finding out we were together?” Kara does, her heart aching at the memory, of hearing Carter call her his Mom for the first (and only, so far) time. “You are his mother just as much as I am, in his eyes. And if one day… if you and I were ever to get married,” Cat adds, and Kara’s breath catches, because it’s something she’s dreamt about before, but she’s heard Cat sneer about marriages before after the drawn-out and messy demise of her first, and she hadn’t known if Cat would ever want to try again. “Then I would hope that perhaps you might sign some adoption papers so that he could become yours in name, and not just in our hearts.”_

_“Is that… would that be something that you’d want?” Kara asks, barely able to believe it, her voice wavering with emotion at the thought of it, and Cat nods, leaning closer to give Kara another kiss._

_“Yes, sweetheart,” she murmurs when they part, lips just barely brushing against Kara’s with every word. “A lifetime with you and our son is something that I want very, very much.”_

x-x-x

Kara feels a shiver of trepidation as she pauses outside of the apartment complex she had once called home, standing just outside of the doors and glancing up towards the top floors, towards where both Cat and Carter wait for her.

She takes a deep breath before she starts moving again, because she’s assaulted by so many memories as she stands on the street that it makes her dizzy. This was the place where Cat had cooked for her for the first time, the place where they’d made love for the first time, where Cat had asked her to move in and where Kara had proposed, where they’d talked about marriages and babies and a life together, and Kara doesn’t know if she can force herself to step inside.

But she does, even though her hands tremble, so hard that she can barely even knock on the door that she’d once unlocked with a key given to her on their three month anniversary, the same key that she’d torn from her keyring and left on the kitchen counter the day she’d walked out of this door for the last time.

God, she should have suggested they go out somewhere for dinner, instead, or she should have just not accepted the invitation at all.

But it’s too late now, because the door is being pulled open and Carter stands on the other side with his eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiles, and Kara thinks that seeing him this happy might just be worth the pain, after all.

“Hey, Kara,” he says as he steps aside to let her through, as she slips her jacket from her shoulders and hangs it up beside the door like she’s done a hundred times before. “My Mom’s running late,” he carries on apologetically as he leads Kara down to towards the kitchen. “David called a last minute board meeting when she was halfway out of the door. I’m pretty sure he did it because he knew she had somewhere to be.”

“She’s going to be in a fantastic mood when she gets home, then?” Kara asks, because if there’s one thing she knows that Cat hates, it’s not being there for her son when she’d promised him that she would be.

She remembers finding a distraught Cat pacing around her office once, when Kara had headed upstairs to see if her girlfriend had time to grab a quick lunch, and when she’d asked Cat what was wrong she’d explained that her assistant had managed to schedule an important meeting at the same time as Carter’s parent-teacher conference, something that she hadn’t ever missed.

When Kara had offered to go in Cat’s place, the look of gratitude and love in her eyes had almost brought Kara to her knees.

“Yep,” Carter agrees cheerfully. “Bad mood and down one assistant.”

“She fired him?”

“Apparently she’d told him to ignore any phone calls from David ever, because he’s been driving her crazy lately, but then he answered and forwarded the call to her…” He trails off, and Kara winces, imagining Cat’s reaction. “I’m pretty sure the temp agency is going to stop sending them soon. She goes through assistants like they’re disposable.”

“What happened to Simon?” She asks, of the guy that that she’d painstakingly trained up to be the perfect replacement for Kara when she’d been promoted, and Carter shrugs.

“Mom got a little… crazy when you left, and he couldn’t handle it. I think the longest one’s lasted since is like… three weeks? Maybe while you’re here you can give her next one some tips.”

“Maybe.”

“You can sit down, you know,” Carter continues as he bends to check on something in the oven, Kara resting her hip against the kitchen counter. “Mom made everything last night – I hope you still like chicken parmesan and chocolate cheesecake, by the way – so we’re just waiting for her, but I don’t know how long she’s gonna be. Can I get you a drink?”

“I’m good.” When he turns to face her, she hands him the gift bag she’d been carrying in her hand. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks, Kara. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” He takes it from her carefully before heading towards the couch in the living area of the open-plan apartment, and Kara settles herself down beside him as he riffles through the bag, opening the card first and giving Kara the chance to cast her eyes around them.

Sitting above the fireplace is a painting of the view outside of Cat’s apartment, that Kara had done one day when she’d lost her powers, sitting out on the balcony for hours and enjoying the feeling of the sun on her skin, Cat joining her for a while and just sitting quietly beside her, watching her work with a mug of coffee in her hands.

If she turns her head, there’s a similar landscape of what Kara can remember from the view outside her window on Krypton, that she’d painted one night when she’d wanted both Cat and Carter to be able to see where she’d come from.

On the opposite wall, there’s a portrait of Cat and Carter, that Kara had made them pose for – it had taken nearly three hours for her to get the outlines right, with Cat and Carter groaning the entire time, but they’d been silent when they’d seen the finished product, awed and amazed, and Kara had filled with pride at the look in Cat’s eyes as she’d promised to frame it and hang it up on the wall for all the world to see.

It makes her ache, to find that her work is still so proudly on display, long after she’d gone, and she remembers the happiness that had bubbled up in her when she’d worked on each and every one. Now whenever she paints it’s harsh stripes of dark colour marring a white background, haunting images of the things that she’d lost as she tries desperately to escape the pain that settles in her stomach whenever she allows herself to remember just how alone she is.

“She wanted to take them down before you came,” Carter says quietly, noticing the direction of Kara’s gaze. “But I told her not to. I thought you might want to see them.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs in reply, blinking as she realises that tears are fogging up her eyes. “Before you open some of those,” she nods towards the three wrapped presents that Carter has in his lap. “I should probably check whether you still paint.”

“I do,” he nods, and Kara manages a slightly watery smile. “I’m actually… That’s what I’m thinking of doing, in college. I’ve been putting a portfolio together.”

“You have?” Kara’s voice wavers, because Carter had always been interested in art but he’d never been confident enough to try it until Kara had coaxed him to, and they’d spent long afternoons in the studio Cat fashioned for them out of one of her spare bedrooms whilst Cat worked away in her study, Kara teaching him everything she knew. “Really?”

“Yeah. It’s… it’s important to me,” he says with a shrug, and Kara feels a tear slip free. “And it’s something I want to try and make a career out of. It helped me deal with the last few months, a lot,” he says that part quietly, like he’s afraid of Kara’s reaction. “And I never would have known how… how therapeutic it is, to sit in-front of an easel and get everything out of your head with paints instead of words so… thank you. For helping me find something I’m passionate about. And for helping me out. I wouldn’t be any good if it wasn’t for you.”

“Are you at that age where you’re too old for hugs yet?” She asks as she wipes at another traitorous tear.

“Usually, yes, but from you? I guess I’ll allow it.” She smiles at his attempt at a joke, and pulls him into a hug so tight that he whispers, “can’t breathe,” into her ear, and she hastily lets him go, more affected by his words than he’ll ever know.

Because yes, she’s shared her art with people before – with Eliza and her sister and her friends over the years and then with Cat, but Carter had been the first one to truly take an interest, to ask her if she could teach him some things because he wanted to try to paint but didn’t know where to start. Her happiest memories with Carter are probably those days in the studio, where sometimes they could just both be silent and work, completely at peace, for hours, or where they’d laugh and chatter about their weeks and Carter would regale her with his latest high school adventures, and the fact that he’d carried on after she left, the fact that he wanted to _make_ something out of himself, makes her more proud than she can ever put into words.

“Thanks, Kara!” He cries when he opens his presents to find a sketch book with thick, crisp pages, a new selection of paint brushes, and a first edition of one of his favourite comic books that Clark had somehow managed to get for her. “Do you… do you maybe want to see my portfolio?”

“I’d love to,” she says warmly, because she doesn’t think anything would please her more, and Carter grins, wide enough to light up his whole face before he carefully gathers up his new art supplies and leads her down the hall to their old studio.

Kara pauses just inside the door as Carter flicks on the lights. They’d each had a side of the room, and her easel is still there on the right, on it sitting the painting she’d been working on just before she’d left. It was a portrait of Cat, half-finished, sleeping in their bed, framed in sunlight that streamed through the open balcony windows.

Kara had been planning on giving it to her on their two year anniversary, and the sight of it now almost brings her to her knees.

“Sorry,” Carter says apologetically when he sees the look on Kara’s face, and when she manages to tear her gaze away from the painting she finds him looking at her with anxious eyes. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to touch anything, after you’d gone. I didn’t think… I should have hidden it before you came in here.”

“It’s okay,” she breathes, even though it’s probably not, even though she feels like she’s been winded, because the contentment she’d felt when she was painstakingly crafting every line of Cat’s body from her memory onto that canvas is a world away from the agony she feels when she looks at it now, so real that she swears that, if she let her fingertips brush against it, it would be as if she were touching Cat’s skin. “I’m okay.”

Her collection of paints still sit beside it (Kara had had to replace them all when she’d moved, hadn’t wanted to step foot back in this place that had once been her safe haven in order to retrieve them), the palette where she’d mixed the colours still sitting in the stand beside the easel, the only sign that it’s been months since she’d touched it the fact that the paint is long congealed.

“You don’t look okay.” Carter still looks worried, and Kara takes a deep breath and forces herself to step into the room, turning her back resolutely on her side and focusing only on Carter’s. There’s a stack of larger paintings in one corner that has grown exponentially since Kara was last here, a dozen more sets of paints and brushes, and she glances at the painting Carter is currently working on and catches her breath, because it’s _wonderful_.

“Carter, this is… this is incredible,” she whispers, the landscape hauntingly beautiful, an eerie forest on the side of the mountain, the moon shining down onto a single lone wolf, its head raised in a howl on the ground below.

“You really think so?”

“ _Yes_.” It’s better than anything Kara’s ever managed to paint herself, and when she tells him that his whole face flushes pink with pride, even as he shakes his head to deny it. “Show me some more.”

He reaches for a folder off to one side and sits on the floor as he sets it out in-front of him, Kara plonking herself down at his side. He turns the pages carefully, and Kara’s breath catches each and every time, because Carter has come along so much since she’d last seen any of his work, and each one is _phenomenal._

The last is one of her, in her Supergirl suit and taking off to save the world, her family crest shining to brightly on the page that Kara’s almost tempted to reach out and touch it to check it’s not real. Her arm is extended above her head, her cape fluttering in the wind behind her, and Carter had managed to make her look almost otherworldly, the likeness almost as if she’s staring at a photograph.

“These are all amazing, Carter,” she gushes, and she’s so proud of him that she wants to burst. “You’ll get into wherever you apply with these, never mind what masterpieces you can come up with in the next two years.” He grins shyly, fingertips tapping nervously against the page cradled carefully in-between his hands.

“You think so?” He asks as he raises his head, looking up at her through his lashes and suddenly he’s thirteen years old again, and Kara’s teaching him how to hold a brush between his fingers, and she has to fight another wave of tears as she smiles back at him.

“I _know_ so.” She hears the sound of someone quietly clearing their throat and jumps, startled – she’d been so absorbed in Carter’s art that she hadn’t heard the sound of Cat arriving home, turns to find her standing in the doorway, resolutely not looking at the portrait of her on display and instead choosing to focus on Kara and her son, a fond expression in her eyes as she gazes down at them.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she murmurs as Carter is carefully setting his portfolio down before both he and Kara rise to their feet. “But dinner’s almost ready.”

“I’ll go set it up,” Carter rushes out before Cat can say anything else, bounding past his Mom and down the hall.

“It’s your birthday, we should be doing that!” Cat calls after him, but Carter pretends not to hear her and Cat shakes her head but when she turns back to face Kara she makes no move to follow after her son.

“How long were you standing there for?” Kara asks, because it could have been hours, for all she knew.

“Long enough,” is Cat’s quiet reply.

“Were you ever going to tell me he wanted to major in art?”

“It’s his story to tell,” she murmurs back, and Kara supposes she can’t argue with that. “He only told me three weeks ago.” That surprises Kara, because it’s clear that he’s been working on things for months. “I think he was afraid of what I might say. That I’d be disappointed that he wanted to follow in your footsteps, rather than mine.”

“These aren’t my footsteps,” Kara argues, because she’s a journalist, too.

“We both know that I don’t have an artistic bone in my body, Kara.” Her lips twitch into a smile, because she remembers playing Pictionary once and even Cat’s stick-men drawing skills were appalling. “This,” she gestures at the room at Kara’s back, “this is all you. I can barely get him out of this room sometimes.” She shakes her head. “But as long as he’s happy… well, I suppose I can’t fault it.” Cat’s eyes flicker towards Kara’s unfinished painting, and Kara watches her expression twist, wonders what had shown on her face the first time she’d ever laid eyes on it. “We should probably go and check how dinner’s going.”

Kara nods and watches Cat make her way back down the hallway, and she allows herself just one more single glance around the room, eyes lingering on her painting, tracing over the lines of Cat’s body, immortalised on canvas forevermore (there are more, dozens more, that Kara has painted over the years, some before they’d gotten together and some after, and Kara wonders what Cat had done with the ones she’d left here), before she follows Cat back to the kitchen.

Cat is batting Carter’s hands away as he tries to help her plate out the things he’d plucked from the oven, and orders him to go and wait in the other room, which he eventually does with a roll of his eyes. Cat asks Kara if she’ll get the bottle of champagne that’s chilling in the fridge out along with three glasses when she notices her hovering behind the counter, and Kara hates how the familiarity of the apartment rushes back, finds herself reaching for the bottom cupboard without even thinking to pause and ask if everything is still in the same place.

Sure enough, though, when she pulls open the door the glasses are still there, and everything is almost as if she never left at all and it makes her ache, makes her crave what they’d used to have more than ever before, pulsing through her like blood and leaving her heart raw and aching.

Cat catches her eye as she turns towards the fridge, frown of concern settling across her face, but Kara is quick to turn her back to Cat before she can ask if she’s okay, snatches the bottle of champagne out of the fridge and takes it and the glasses into the other room before Cat can say a word.

Carter eyes her curiously as she drops into the seat that had used to be hers automatically, her hands trembling as she pops the cork from the bottle easily and pours a splash into each of the glasses, pushing one towards Carter and another towards Cat as she sets a plate down in-front of the both of them, taking the third glass for herself.

“To family,” Cat toasts as she raises her glass, a waver to her voice as her eyes flicker between Carter and Kara. “And to Carter, who’s fifteen today and gets more and more wonderful with each passing day. I couldn’t be prouder to call you my son.” Carter’s cheeks flush pink in embarrassment, and Kara grins, tipping her own glass forward.

“To Carter, aka the greatest kid I’ve met. Happy birthday, buddy. And here’s to many more.” He clinks his glass to the both of theirs and looks relieved when it’s over, the spotlight no longer on him as they begin to eat.

Cat’s cooking is as amazing as always – Kara had missed it a _lot_ these past few months, because whilst Cat had taught her a lot when they were together, after Kara’s first disastrous attempt to cook them a meal, she was still a long way away from being able to fend wholly for herself, and Cat would probably be horrified to find out how much take-out Kara was back to consuming on a weekly basis.

“Oh, Mom, I forgot to ask you – is it okay if I go the movies on Saturday?” Carter asks as they’re finishing up (Kara ensuring to compliment Cat on the food at least every minute because God, it’s incredible), and Kara wonders if he’d waited until his Mom was halfway through her second glass of champagne on purpose as she narrows her eyes at him thoughtfully across the table.

“With who?” Cat asks, and from the face Carter makes Kara can tell that that wasn’t the response he’d been hoping for.

“Um, with Jess.”

“The girl you’re doing your history project with?” Cat’s eyes take on an interested gleam, and Carter groans. “The one you have a crush on?”

“That would be the one.”

“Is it a date?”

“I kinda hope so.” He looks like he regrets bringing it up in the first place, and Kara has to fight a smile. “So, can I go?”

“As long as it’s not too late, I don’t see why not,” Cat relents, and Carter beams. “I’d like to meet her first, though.”

“Mom!” He groans, tipping his head into his hands, and Kara wonders if he’s remembering what had happened the first time he’d brought a girl home to meet his Mom – Cat had practically interrogated the poor thing, and she’d looked almost on the verge of tears before Kara had stepped in and sent the two of them hastily on their way, making sure that Cat refrained from texting Carter every second to check if things were going okay by dragging her to bed as soon as the door shut behind them. “Can I at least go on _one_ date with her before I subject her to you? _Especially_ if Kara’s not here as a buffer?”

“And what’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Cat replies, eyes narrowing, and Carter looks desperately towards Kara for help.

“You can be a little… intense,” Kara intervenes, and Carter throws her a grateful look. “I think he just doesn’t want you to scare her away, right buddy?” Carter nods vigorously. “What’s she like, this Jess? Maybe if you tell us a little more about her your Mom won’t need to subject her to the Spanish Inquisition before you take her out.”

Carter gushes about his crush and Cat’s eyes soften as she watches him, and so do Kara’s, because she’d been around for his heartbreak when the first ever girl he’d taken out had told him that she just wanted to be friends, had been the one to wrap an arm around his shoulders and tell him that everything would be okay.

“So, Mom?” He asks, after he’s told Kara and his Mom all about how Jess’ smiles are like sunshine and how his heart beats faster whenever she laughs. “Can I go?”

“Alright,” Cat relents, after a moment of internal deliberation. “I’ll have one of my drivers drop the two of you off and pick you up.”

“Thanks, Mom!” Carter practically hurtles out of his chair to yank Cat into a hug, and Kara’s surprised when he pulls her into one, too. “And thank you,” he whispers into her ear. “For the help.” She doesn’t reply in-case Cat overhears, just stands once he lets her go and helps Cat clear the plates as she waves Carter away to go and find them a game to play.

“He’s all grown up,” Cat murmurs when they’re in the kitchen watching him set up the Wii in the living room, the dishwasher humming quietly at their backs. Her eyes look a little watery, and Kara has to curl her hands around the countertop to try to refrain from reaching out to comfort her. “Soon he won’t need me anymore.”

“Course he will,” Kara tells her gently. “He’ll always need you. You’re his Mom. You’ll be there to scare each and every single one of his girlfriends in the future until he finds the right one.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Eliza still does it for me, as I’m sure you remember.” Cat’s lips twitch into a smile, and Kara remembers her nerves, the first time Eliza had visited National City after she and Cat were official, and Eliza’s grilling of Cat on her intentions with her daughter.

It had been absolutely mortifying, because it was the first time Kara had ever had someone in her life important enough for Eliza to meet, and she’d been completely ruthless – until Kara had left them alone for thirty minutes as she’d flown briefly away on Supergirl business, and upon her return she’d found them chatting like old friends, arranging a coffee date for later on in the week.

Kara had been stunned, and Cat had never once told her what she’d said to Eliza when Kara was gone, no matter how many times she’d tried to persuade her.

“Somehow I can’t see myself going out on lunch dates with any of Carter’s girlfriends,” Cat murmurs quietly, and Kara shrugs.

“I would’ve said the same thing about Eliza, so you never know.”

“Are you guys coming or what?” Carter asks, then, glancing at the two of them from over the top of the couch, a controller held in each hand. “I’m really looking forward to trashing Kara at this game again.”

“Hey, I might’ve gotten really good whilst I was gone,” Kara mutters as she snatches one of the controllers out of his hand and settles down on the couch beside him, Cat doing the same on his other side.

“It’d take a miracle for you to have gotten good enough to beat either one of us at this,” he says in reply, and Kara elbows him in the side, making him wince. “What? It’s true. You’re awful at this. Which is, you know, still really ironic considering your powers.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kara mutters, kicking off her boots and curling her legs up underneath her. “Let’s just get on with it.”

If anything, she’s gotten _worse_ in the past few months, and it’s barely even worth her playing – except the look on Cat’s face whenever she sees Kara coming in last, both amazed and exasperated that she can be so terrible at something makes it kind of worth it and yeah, okay, maybe she’s still got it bad.

They play until Carter gets bored, and Cat vetoes the decision to play Wii sports next because the last and only time they’d tried, the controller had slipped out of Kara’s hand and she’d managed to hurl it at the window behind the TV hard enough for the glass to shatter, and it taken almost a week to get it replaced.

She’d been banned from playing video games for a while, after that.

He eventually settles on Settlers of Catan, a game that Kara _had_ gotten good at during her the time she’d lived with Grants, because it was both Cat’s and Carter’s favourite and they dragged it out at _least_ once a week, and Kara quickly learned enough from the both of them to make it a fair challenge.

Cat _hates_ being beaten at anything but especially at this game, and especially by Kara (after one particularly competitive night, Kara had found herself sleeping in the guest room because she’d said a few too many things she shouldn’t have during her victory dance, and she’d quickly learned to triumph quietly from then on), but in the end it’s Carter who reigns victorious, just as Kara’s smothering a yawn.

“It’s getting pretty late,” she murmurs when she glances at the clock ticking away on the mantel above the fireplace. “I should probably start thinking about heading home.”

“Okay,” Carter replies warmly. “Thank you for coming tonight.”

“Thank you both for having me.”

“And thanks for the presents.”

“You can repay me by using them well.”

“Maybe I can paint you something with the new brushes.”

“I’d like that,” she smiles, because one of her favourite things about teaching him had been the tiny little pieces he’d give her. She still has his very first sketch, just a cartoon drawing scribbled on a little scrap of paper, folded up in her wallet.

“Kara, before you go,” Cat’s voice stops her as she’s tugging her boots back on. “Y-you left some things here, when you left.” Kara knows that – she’d left so hurriedly that she’d only taken the bare essentials with her. “I didn’t want to throw anything away in-case…” She trails off, and it breaks Kara’s heart to think that Cat might have been waiting for her to return, to tap her fingers against her balcony or bang her fist against the front door. “They’re in your drawer in my dresser if you want to have a look through them and see if there’s anything you want to keep.”

She should say no. She should absolutely not allow herself to set foot inside that bedroom because the rest of the apartment, her _studio_ , that had been enough to nearly break her but that room? The room where she’d slept beside Cat for so many months, where they’d learned one another’s bodies so thoroughly, where they’d spent countless nights curled up in one another’s arms, staring at the ceiling and talking about anything and everything, where Carter would curl up beside them on the weekends as they lounged around watching TV and eating breakfast in bed?

She doesn’t know if she could survive it, but she finds her head nodding before she can stop it, because there’s a sick, masochistic part of her that wants to see if anything in that room has changed, wants to see with her own eyes how unwilling Cat has been to move on.

“You know where it is,” Cat says then, barely above a whisper, her eyes watching Kara’s face carefully. She feels numb, and she wonders if her expression echoes that as she forces her feet to take her in the direction of their old room.

She presses the door open with palm of her hand before she pauses in the doorway, eyes scanning across the room within. Everything’s the same – the same photographs of Carter dotted around the room (the one of her, Cat and Carter still sitting on Cat’s beside table), the same sheets, one of her paintings hanging above the bed.

She walks forward on weak, trembling legs towards Cat’s dresser, manages to tug open the drawer that used to be her own even though her fingers feel like lead. She sinks to her knees as she lets the memories wash over her, and she finds tears filling her eyes as her hands brush against the silken material of the shirt she’d been wearing the day when everything had changed.

It’s ripped across the middle, half of the buttons torn away, and Kara remembers her desperation to get it _off_ and get into her suit, the sinking feeling of horror that had washed over her when she’d realised what had happened, that Cat was in danger, all because of _her_.

x-x-x

_Kara frowns when she glances down at her phone as she’s striding through the front door of her and Cat’s apartment to make a quick change before heading back to work – she’s just had to deal with a multi-car pile-up, and she doesn’t think Cat will appreciate one of her junior editors returning from a break with dust in her hair and grime over her face._

_She’d put it on silent whilst she was in a meeting earlier that day (Cat had a strict ‘no cellphone’ policy when it came to meetings in her office), and her earpiece had been damaged when she’d lifted one of the cars to safety, and when she sees a total of eleven missed calls and almost as many texts, she feels her stomach fill with dread._

_“Kara?” Alex sounds relieved as she picks up the phone, Kara quickly choosing to call her sister over Winn and James, and it only increases Kara’s worry. “Oh, thank god. Are you okay?”_

_“I’m fine, Alex,” Kara replies, eyebrows knitting together into a frown. “Why wouldn’t I be?”_

_“Look, you need to get over to the DEO now. Non’s escaped.” Kara feels the breath rush out of her in a shocked gasp, because she thought he’d been put away for good. It had taken almost a week of hard-fought battles for Kara to triumph over Non and his alien army to prevent them from bringing hell on earth, and he and his minions have been imprisoned in Kryptonite-laden cells at the DEO ever since._

_“_ How _!?”_

_“I don’t know, but he has and he’s going to be coming for you. He’s alone, and he’ll be weakened, so the quicker we can get to him the better.”_

_“Okay.” Kara nods, already beginning to make her way to her and Cat’s bedroom to slip out onto the balcony – and it’s as she steps into that room that she realises several things in quick succession._

_One: there had been something suspicious about the way that the car crash she’d helped clean up had started, with a part of the suspension bridge snapping unexpectedly, almost as if it had been tampered with._

_Two: Non blamed Astra’s death on Kara, even though she hadn’t died at her hands, and what better way to get back at Kara than to take someone she loved, too? Especially someone who was human, and an easy target considering his weakened state._

_Three: she had several missed calls from James and Winn, almost as though something had happened at CatCo that Kara needed to be made aware of._

_Her dread increases exponentially as she realises each and every one of those things, and then she hears Alex draw in a short, sharp breath on the other end of the line as she reacts to something happening at the DEO, and Kara is sure she knows what Alex is going to say before her lips even move._

_“Kara… Kara, there’s something else.” Her voice is hushed, tight with worry, and Kara finds herself leaning back against the wall to support her weight, feeling sick to her stomach. “We just… we just got word of something happening at CatCo. Cat… Cat’s been kidnapped.”_

_The breath rushes out of her in a single, pained gasp as her knees buckle, and she’s holding her phone so tightly in her hand that the plastic starts to crack. It’s a worry that has played on her mind, sometimes – whether Cat would ever be put in danger because of her. But Kara has always been careful to keep her identities as separate as she possibly could, more so now than ever before – the only person who could possibly expose her was Maxwell Lord, but Alex had threatened him into submission long ago._

_It’s not something she’s thought about a lot, recently. That one of her enemies might get ahold of her fiancée in a bid to weaken her but god, she shouldn’t have become too complacent, shouldn’t have become so_ careless _, because now Cat’s life was at risk (_ if, _her mind whispers, and Kara feels as if she’s going to be sick,_ she’s even still alive at all _). It wouldn’t have been difficult for Non to find out that Kara Danvers was dating Cat Grant – there’s an article about the two of them every so often in the gossip columns._

_She’d made it so_ easy _for him to completely destroy her._

_Her only solace is the fact that Alex hasn’t mentioned Carter, and hopefully he’s safe at school and none the wiser._

_“Kara?” Alex is saying her name over and over again, and it snaps Kara out of the spiral of despair she’s fallen into, because she’s useless to Cat like this, curled up on the floor of their room like a child, straightens her spine and climbs to her feet, setting her jaw in determination._

_“Find him,” she tells Alex, her voice deathly quiet, and steadier than it probably ought to be. She feels a flash of anger that the DEO – that Alex, or Hank, who knew her identity and who was most important to her in the world – hadn’t sent someone to ensure Cat’s safety the second that Non had gotten out, but she shouldn’t blame others for her own complacency. “Before it’s too late.”_

_She can’t even think about that. About losing Cat for good, never seeing her again, having to tell Carter that his Mom isn’t coming home, all because Kara hadn’t been enough to save her._

_God._

_She hastily blinks away the tears that spring into her eyes, because she needs to be strong. She needs to be at her best, because that’s the only way she’s going to get to Cat. She needs to be the superhero that Cat had branded her as, needs to put aside her emotions, and she’s beaten Non before and she can sure as hell do it again with the love of her life at stake if she makes a single mistake._

_“Make sure that Carter’s okay,” she tells Alex before she hangs up. She seizes her spare earpiece from her bedside table and jams it into her ear in-case Alex manages to find Non before she can, before she yanks at her shirt and pants, not caring that the material tears, to reveal the suit beneath._

_She hurls herself off the balcony and into the sky, her heart beating too fast in her ears and her breathing coming in quick short gasps that feel like the beginnings of a panic attack, and she has to force herself to calm down, to take deep breaths as she hovers in the air high above National City and closes her eyes, because if there’s one sound she knows better than anything else in the world, it’s the sound of Cat’s breathing._

_It lulls her to sleep every single night._

_It takes a long time before she can make out anything above the cacophony of noise that is city life – the roar of car and jet engines, the honking of horns, the bustle of civilians below – but she forces herself to stay calm, ignores the worry clawing up the back of her throat that makes her want to scream, and eventually she hears it, the tiny whimper of her name, and she spins in the air and hurtles towards the source of the noise, because Cat sounds so small and so scared._

_She almost breaks the sound barrier in her hurry, and she barely remembers to slow down as she makes her way back down to earth, crashing through the roof of the warehouse and hitting the floor hard enough to leave imprints in the concrete at her feet._

_She’s too busy frantically searching for Cat to notice Non until it’s too late – she feels something embed itself into her skin the same second she hears Cat scream, and she sinks to her knees as she feels a wave of nausea roil through her body, glances down to see a dart sticking out of her arm with the tell-tale green glint of Kryptonite shimmering within the syringe._

_Cat has her hands secured behind her back and is looking at her with wide, frightened eyes, and Kara is filled with too much relief to allow herself to feel the effects of her powers draining out of her as the Kryptonite begins to rush through her veins._

_She scrambles for the dart in her arm and yanks it out, even though most of the damage has been done, manages to scramble to her feet and take a stumbling step forward to where Non stands, halfway between her and Cat with a dark fury etched across his face that makes her terrified of what he might do next._

_“Did you really think you’d get away with locking me up like a rabid dog forever?” He spits, and there’s a gleaming green sword in his hand, the same type that Alex had used to end Astra’s life. “I’m going to make you pay for it.”_

_“And you can,” Kara says as she takes another step forward, even as her head spins so fiercely that for a moment she fears she might collapse. “But let her go. Your fight is with me, not her.” Cat is shaking her head, her eyes never leaving Kara’s face, and the bruise that mars her left cheek makes Kara ache, because it’s all because of_ her _._

_Cat is only here because of who she is, Cat might_ die _because of her, and if, by some miracle, they both do manage to survive this she thinks that the guilt will eat her alive._

_“Silly girl,” Non says with a shake of his head, a wicked smile on his face as he turns his head to look at Cat. “I want you to suffer as I have suffered. I want you to feel the same pain that I have felt. I am going to kill her and make you watch.” Kara’s heart clenches, fury licking through her veins as he takes a threatening step towards Cat. “And then I’m going to torture you until you’re begging me to kill you, too.”_

_Kara throws herself towards him even as she hears Cat scream at her to go, to run and get Alex and the others before it’s too late, but Kara’s decision had been made the second she’d heard Cat say her name._

_The GPS on her phone would lead Alex and the DEO to them, eventually, and Kara just had to hope that she can be enough to keep the two of them alive until then._

_She’s weakened by the Kryptonite but so is Non from his months of imprisonment, and she manages to disarm him with a kick to the wrist, hard enough to shatter the bones of a human, the sword flying from his hand and clattering to the ground._

_She’s too slow to avoid the punch he aims at the side of her head, and her vision swims for several long seconds as pain radiates across her cheek, and then her ribs as he levels another hit at her chest, sending her clattering into a stack of boxes at her back._

_Non’s next hit misses, colliding with the wall behind Kara’s head as she ducks, and she kicks his legs out from under him and slams her palm into the centre of his chest to knock the breath from his lungs before she’s wrapping an arm around his neck with the intention of cutting off his air long enough for him to pass out and give her enough time to get Cat out of there._

_She doesn’t see the cuff until it’s too late – he fastens it around her wrist even as she’s squeezing his throat, and the effect is immediate, the strength draining out of her slowly. It’s the same restraints he’d been kept in to keep his powers in check whilst he’d been in his cell, and Kara curses the DEO for developing the technology as her fingers scramble desperately to try and yank it away from her skin but it’s fixed tight and she has no idea how Non managed to get the damn things off._

_Cat is screaming at her again but Kara doesn’t manage to duck Non’s next hit, or the one after that – she feels punch after punch, can barely even raise her hands to defend herself, and she feels the metallic tang of blood fill her mouth as she falls to the ground, Non’s foot pressing against her neck and holding her in place._

_“Foolish little girl,” he hisses, eyes glittering with malice, and all Kara can think of is Cat, how she hasn’t been good enough, strong enough or fast enough to save her, how she doesn’t_ deserve _her, how maybe she never did._

_She should have_ never _allowed them to be in this position. She’d always been dangerous, and she always would be, for as long as Supergirl flew over the skies of National City with a watchful eye. All Kara had ever wanted was a normal life, but she shouldn’t have been stupid enough to ever believe that she could have one, not without consequences, because she was anything but normal._

_“Did you really think you could defeat me?” He leans on her neck with more pressure, until Kara can barely draw breath, and she thinks, as her vision begins to fog, that if she can provoke him into killing her, then he will have no reason to keep Cat his prisoner, that maybe then she’ll be safe because Kara is the target here, not her._

_“It was pretty easy the first time,” she manages to gasp, and Non snarls, pressing more of his weight down until Kara starts to see black, and then he steps away, leaving her gasping for breath as the pressure is released._

_She manages to crawl into a sitting position when she sees him begin to walk towards Cat, terror seizing at her heart because she can’t watch this, can’t survive it, and Cat doesn’t deserve this because her only fault is falling in love with Kara._

_“It’s okay,” Cat is saying, her eyes locked with Kara’s, and her cheeks are stained with tears but she doesn’t look scared even as Non is reaching down to fist his hand in the material of her blouse and yank her upright by the collar. “I’m okay.”_

_Kara can only shake her head, because Cat is the farthest thing from okay, she’s about to die and it’s all her fault, and as Non steps behind her and wraps his hand around her throat, Kara is paralysed with fear._

_“I love you,” Cat murmurs just before Non squeezes, hard enough to lift Cat into the air a little, and she still doesn’t look scared, eyes still firmly fixed on Kara’s, and it’s not until they start to slip closed as she begins to lose consciousness that Kara can finally move, the sheer panic of watching Cat slip away from her taking over and compelling her to move._

_She rises to her feet even though her head swims and she feels nausea turn her stomach, even though she feels like every single bone in her body is broken and it aches to take just a single step, because she can’t just sit there and watch, helpless, as the life drains from Cat before her eyes._

_She must move faster than should have been possible, considering the way Non’s eyes widen as he watches her, his grip on Cat’s neck slackening as Kara lurches for the abandoned Kryptonite sword on the floor, fingers trembling as they wrap around the hilt, and she doesn’t think as she propels herself forward, just knowing that he needs to be stopped, she needs to get Cat to safety, and she thrusts the blade forward, feels it slice through flesh and muscle and sinew as Non’s eyes widen in shock._

_Kara’s hands come away bloody as she releases her hold, Non falling backwards towards the earth, and Kara catches Cat before she can hit the ground, collapsing to her knees and cradling Cat in her arms, sobbing because her eyes are closed and for one dizzying moment she fears that she’s too late, she’d been too slow to react and it had all been in vain because Cat was already gone._

_But then her eyes are blinking open, and her hand is settling at Kara’s cheek and the tears stream down Kara’s face and onto Cat’s shoulder as she pulls Cat into a fierce hug, the both of them trembling against one another because they’d both been so close to death and can barely believe that they’re still breathing._

_When Alex barrels through the doorway of the warehouse some time later with the rest of the DEO at her heels, she finds Cat and Kara wrapped in each other’s arms, Kara whispering ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’ into Cat’s ear over and over again, Non’s lifeless body behind them._

x-x-x

While that night often creeps into her nightmares, Kara tries not to think about it too much in the cold, harsh light of day because the emotions it brings out in her are so visceral that it knocks the breath from her.

The overwhelming panic of nearly losing Cat never fails to shake her to the core, the sight of the life draining out of her worse than any other horrors she’s seen during her life, but worst of all, god, worst of all was the feeling of hot, sticky blood on her hands from where she’d sunk that sword into the hilt.

Until that day she’d never taken a life, and she’d done it so thoughtlessly, too terrified by the thought of Non attacking Cat again to consider any alternative, and the memory of that haunts her almost as much as the sight of Cat whispering ‘I love you’ before she prepared herself to die.

She’s unable to stop the tears that run down her face as she remembers, and she chokes on a sob as she tries to get herself under control, still clutching the tattered remains of the shirt that Cat must have found on the bedroom floor when she’d returned to their apartment whilst Kara attended a debriefing at the DEO.

She hears a flutter of movement from the doorway and quickly wipes at her eyes with her sleeve, but she knows there’s no hiding her tears, and she hears Cat let out a little gasp when she gets a glimpse of Kara’s face.

“Kara?” She asks, worry lining her voice. “What’s wrong?” She’s there at Kara’s side, then, and Kara hears her breath catch as she sees what Kara holds in her hands, understanding dawning, and Kara wonders if she’s thinking of that day, too.

If she’s thinking about how she’d nearly died just because she’d fallen in love.

“I… I should go.” She wants nothing more than to sink into the comfort that she knows Cat would offer her, if she would only ask – they’ve never talked about that day, not really, and Kara wonders if Cat replays it as often as she does, if she wakes screaming in the night, haunted by the sight of Non’s hands colliding with her flesh. “I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

She shoves the shirt back into the drawer filled with so many memories of happier times, tainted now by the creeping despair that fills Kara’s gut whenever she thinks about Cat, and rushes past her and out of that room, out of that apartment that she never should have stepped foot in again, ignoring Cat’s calls behind her to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone still with me??
> 
> The end of this chapter marks the official halfway point, and hopefully you're not hating the answers you're getting to what happened. I know I'm not gonna be able to please everyone, but this was always the vision I had for this story. 
> 
> The next chapter is a painful one, I will warn you now, because it features the actual breakup scene buuut it's also a turning point towards happier things, I promise there is stuff to look forward to!!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's commented so far. This story is the longest thing I've written for a while and it's close to my heart so to hear you're enjoying it and sticking with it despite the masses of angst makes me super happy, and I hope you enjoy the rest.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get those tissues ready, folks.
> 
> I promise this chapter is the worst it will get, and happier times are on the horizon.

Cat waits until Carter's gone to bed before she allows herself to break down.

He's frowning at her in confusion when she emerges from her bedroom, the front door slamming behind Kara's retreating back, but she forces a smile when he asks her if everything's okay because it's his birthday, and she thinks she's already ruined so many days over the past few months and she can't take this one away from him, too.

They play another game of Settlers of Catan, and Cat doesn’t allow herself to think about anything else. About the devastated look on Kara's face as she'd knelt on their old bedroom floor, the tears that had been running down her cheeks and onto the thin scrap of material held in her hands, or the way that the sight of that shirt had taken her back to the worst day of her life.

Carter's reluctant to leave her alone, but his eyes start drooping soon enough, unable to stop yawning so she sends him to his room with a hug, and she waits until she hears him crawl into bed before she snatches a bottle of scotch from the kitchen and makes her way into her bedroom, closing the door, and the rest of the world out, behind her.

It's been a while since she'd allowed herself to completely and totally breakdown, and she thinks that really, considering Kara's unexpected re-appearance in her life, she's long overdue for one.

That damn drawer is still open, Kara's belongings spilling out of it, a potent reminder of what they'd had. Cat hasn't allowed herself to open that drawer since she'd stuffed everything of Kara's she could find in it the day after she’d left, with shaking hands and an aching heart.

It was filled with all the clothes she'd left behind, dozens of pairs of glasses, the sketchbook she'd kept beside the bed for those long nights where she couldn't sleep, and Cat would wake up at the scratching of a pencil against paper to find Kara watching her with an artist's gaze, mapping the contours of her body onto the page.

She lets herself look at it now, though. She lets her fingers grip at the ripped, silken shirt that Kara had been holding, presses it against her cheek and drowns in the scent of Kara's perfume, feeling the tears that she'd kept at bay around Carter come rushing to the surface.

She remembers the paralyzing fear of Non crashing through the windows of her office, Cat too astonished to put up any kind of fight as he reached for her and flew them away. She remembers the certainty in her gut that she was going to die as she'd been propelled through the air and dropped into a warehouse, her hands quickly restrained as she'd stared up at the unfamiliar man, and she'd _known_ , known that it was because of Kara, and she prayed that she wouldn't come rushing in to save her without a single thought for her own safety.

Because Cat had lived a long and fruitful life, had had almost two years of love and laughter, and Kara and Carter could go on without her.

But then the second she'd accepted her fate she'd heard the sound of shattering glass, Kara hurtling herself into the earth in-front of her, and Cat was too slow to scream out a warning as she watched Non fire something at Kara, watched her stumble, and Cat thought she'd felt fear before, when she was dangling dangerously high in the air, certain she was going to die, but it was nothing, _nothing_ compared to watching Kara trying to fight for her life against Non when she was so clearly weakened.

It was nothing compared to the look in Kara's eyes as Cat had been lifted into the air, the fingers at her throat pressing too tightly for her to draw air, and Cat's only regret was that Kara would have to watch this, would have to go on without her, and the hopelessness in Kara's expression when she thought that she'd lost will haunt Cat until the end of her life.

And then the pressure was gone, and Kara was cradling Cat in her arms as Cat gasped for breath, and she'd known even then, as Kara had shaken and whispered apologies over and over again even though none of this was her fault, that nothing would ever be the same again.

x-x-x

_"Kara?" Cat had been frantically pacing the length of her apartment ever since she'd been brought here by two DEO agents – Kara had gone back to their headquarters, but she'd told Cat to go home, that she'd put her in enough danger already, she didn’t need to expose her to the base of a secret government agency that she wasn't even supposed to be aware existed, as well – but she pauses as she hears the sound of a key in a lock._

_Cat had only agreed because the look on Kara's face ever since Alex had rushed over to the two of them, the horror in Kara's eyes as she'd seen the body of her uncle (Alex had explained that to her, because Kara had been too shaken to speak, had told her all about the ongoing battle between the pair of them while Cat was trying (and failing) to keep things between them strictly professional), and had reluctantly allowed two agents to take her back home._

_A doctor had appeared to check her for injuries, but she knows the emotional trauma is much further-reaching than any physical injuries she might have sustained. Other than the bruise to her cheek, from where she'd found her tongue and spat something furious at the man holding her and the blue outlines of fingers around her neck, a slight ache whenever she speaks, she's unscathed._

_She thinks, though, as she gets a glimpse at Kara's face as she steps through the front door, that the wounds inflicted on her so far today are going to pale in comparison to whatever comes next, and she's thankful that Carter is staying with James and Lucy tonight, and won't be around to see the fallout of what comes next._

_"Kara, are you okay?" Cat doesn’t know why she asks, because it's obvious that 'okay' is the farthest thing from what Kara is right now – her eyes are dark and stormy, haunted with something that Cat doesn’t know if she'll ever understand. "Talk to me," she pleads when Kara pauses before her, and when she reaches for Kara's hand she flinches, and Cat feels like she's been punched. "Thank you for your help tonight," Cat directs towards the two DEO agents who had kept a watchful eye on her until Kara returned, "but you can go now."_

_They don't wait to be told twice, slipping out of the front door and down the hall almost before Cat has finished speaking – the door shuts with an ominous click of finality, and Cat feels her sense of dread skyrocket as she and Kara are left alone._

_"You almost died today." Kara's voice is a pained whisper, raw with emotion, and Cat scrambles for her hands, squeezes tightly because she never wants to let her go. "You almost died because of_ me _."_

_"Not because of you," Cat disagrees with a violent shake of her head. "You can't blame yourself for the actions of others, Kara."_

_"I put you in danger. Because of who I am, I nearly... I nearly lost you." Her voice breaks, and so does Cat's heart, and she steps closer, forces Kara to meet her gaze, and the amount of anguish swirling in blue eyes leaves her breathless. "I never thought... I've been so_ stupid _." She says the word like it's poison. "All I ever wanted was to be normal, to have a family but I'm... I'm dangerous Cat, and maybe I've been fooling myself this whole time."_

_"Don't say that." Cat hates how weak she sounds, how she's practically pleading, holding onto Kara's hands so tightly that her arms shake with the effort of it. "Yes, I could have died today." Kara flinches, and Cat takes a deep breath, remembers the feeling of choking and of falling, falling, falling until Kara was there to catch her. "But I_ didn't _. I'm still here."_

_"Barely." Kara's breath catches, and tears pool in her eyes, and Cat reaches up to wipe them away as they begin to fall._

_"You saved me," Cat murmurs, cradling Kara's cheek in the palm of her hand, feeling her ragged breaths against her lips. "You will always save me."_

_"And what if I'm too late next time?" The words burst out of Kara angrily, though Cat knows it's directed at herself more than Cat. "What then? What am I supposed to tell Carter? How am I... how am I supposed to go on living without you, Cat? How?"_

_Cat thinks, for a moment, what it would do to her if their positions were reversed, if she were watching Kara slip away before her eyes, and she understands, understands the pain and the heartbreak in Kara's eyes because god, she doesn’t know if she could stand it. She'd felt a hint of it, as she'd watched Non's fists connect with Kara's flesh again and again, and even that had been enough to make it hard to breathe._

_"It won't happen again," Cat tells her, an edge of desperation tinting her every word because Kara looks like she might be getting ready to leave her and Cat doesn't know how_ she's _supposed to go on without her. "Kara, he's gone, and he can't hurt us anymore."_

_She shivers as she remembers the sickening sound of a blade sliding through flesh, of the blood on Kara's hands as she'd held Cat in her arms._

_"There will be someone else. There's always someone else to fight, always someone else who wants to destroy me. And I can't... I can't go through that again." She twists her hands out of Cat's grip and reaches for her hips, instead, holding her tightly enough to rumple the material of her blouse._

_"And what about me, Kara?" Cat asks, her heart racing in her chest and her breath quickening, and she hasn't had a panic attack since she was fifteen years old but god, she feels close to one now. "I watch you go out and risk your life for this city every single day, sometimes I see you... I see you almost defeated and I wonder if this is it, if this time I'm going to go home to an empty bed and you'll never walk through my balcony doors and slip under the sheets beside me ever again."_

_Only twice, has she feared that Kara had been killed. That first, awful time where afterwards she'd whispered that she loved her on the balcony at her office, and once more, months later, where there had been no news footage, only the tiny, scared voice of Kara's sister in her ear, telling her that something awful had happened and she should get to Kara's apartment right away._

_She'd been lying on her bed when Cat had gotten there, the windows open to let a stream of sunlight coat her skin, her chest barely rising and falling, and for the entire twenty hour vigil Cat had kept at her beside with Kara's hand clutched tightly within her own, she'd been terrified that she wouldn't wake up._

_They'd had a terrible argument after Kara had recovered enough to regain her powers, Cat screaming at her to be more careful because she'd never felt as much terror before in life as when she'd sat there with her fingers pressed against the faint pulse in Kara's wrist, desperately praying for it to strengthen, and for her to open her eyes and let Cat know that she was okay._

_"That's different," Kara insists, her voice as pained as her eyes. "I'm... I'm not breakable like you are." She reaches up to run a single fingertip down the slope of Cat's cheek and down over the side of her neck, and Cat knows that she's thinking about how she could break Cat's bones with just a single flick of her wrist._

_"You're not unbreakable against some of the people you fight." She pokes the bruise that Non had left on her jaw to make her point, and Kara winces._

_"But I'm not human." Cat's hands tremble as they rest on Kara's shoulders, and she wonders if her expression reflects the hopelessness she sees swirling in Kara's eyes. "I can defend myself, but you... you can't. I put myself at risk everyday because I can handle it. Because it's my_ choice _but what happened today, to you? That's not a choice, Cat, and I should have never put you in this position."_

_"I chose_ you _, Kara," Cat insists, fingertips digging into Kara's skin as if that will make her point sink in further. "The day I kissed you, I chose you, and everything that comes along with you. I knew your identity going into this, I knew you had enemies because I'd reported on you fighting them. I knew that there would always be a risk, should your identity ever be compromised, and I didn't_ care _. What happened today doesn’t change that. I wouldn't change a_ thing _about this, Kara, because I love you. I love you so much that it terrifies me, and I don’t want to lose you. I_ can't _." Her voice breaks, her own tears finally escaping and she watches Kara's jaw clench as she looks down at her and she wonders if maybe she's already lost her._

_Maybe there is no coming back from this._

_"I love you, too, Cat," Kara whispers, but it's agonised, and Cat hates the way it sounds. "Which is why... I don't think I can do this anymore." It's been building this entire time, ever since Kara's eyes had first locked with hers across that dusty warehouse, but at the actual words falling from Kara's lips Cat gasps, pain rushing through her as she only grips Kara more tightly. "I... I'd rather live a lifetime without you, but knowing you're still breathing, than lose you for good. Than to know that something happened to you because of me. Because someone wanted to destroy me because it would, Cat. It would ruin me."_

_"And you think this won't ruin me?" She should have known, she should have known right at the beginning of this that it was a bad idea, should have listened to her gut when it told her to stay away, should have fired Kara the second she'd started to creep over every single one of Cat's walls because god, nothing hurts quite like love._

_"You'll survive it," Kara whispers, but there's a blank look in her eyes that makes Cat wonder if Kara herself can. "You and Carter... you'll be okay without me."_

_"We won't." Cat's desperation increases, clutching at Kara harder than ever before, imploring her to stay with the harsh bite of her nails into her shoulders. "_ I _won't, Kara, I... I need you." She'd used to feel weak, admitting that, admitting how much Kara meant to her, how sometimes, it felt like she was as necessary to Cat's wellbeing as the air she breathed, but it had stopped feeling like weakness a long time ago, when Kara's eyes would light up whenever Cat told her exactly how she was feeling, when she'd wash away Cat's insecurities with the gentle brush of her lips._

_"I need you, too," Kara gasps, dropping her head forward so that it rests against Cat's. "But I won't let you risk your life for me. Not again. Not like this. You're too important to me, to Carter and I... I don't want to put you through anything like this again. I never want to have to look Carter in the eye and tell him his Mom's never coming home, Cat, I_ can't _."_

_"And what if that's a risk I accept? We've been together for nearly two years, Kara, and this is the first time anything like this has ever happened, and only because he knew your identity long before we got together. You'd really throw us away over something that might never happen again?"_

_"It's not a risk I'm willing to take." Cat wants to scream at her that it's not her choice to make, but she knows that, god forbid, if anything_ did _ever happen to her, the guilt would eat Kara alive and Cat doesn’t know if she wants that weight on her conscience. "And what if this had happened to Carter? What if the next guy gets ahold of our son? Are you still willing to take the risk then?"_

_She's playing dirty, and Kara knows it, Cat's heart contracting in fear as she thinks of her poor, sweet boy being taken by one of Kara's enemies, of a hand closing around his neck and choking off his supply of air, and she feels like she's going to be sick._

_"And we... we talked about having another one. A baby." Cat feels like her heart is being squeezed in a vice-like grip, remembers that conversation as clearly as if it happened yesterday – the nervous way in which Kara had asked her if she'd ever be willing to have another child, the surprise that had bloomed in her eyes when Cat had admitted that she'd never expected to have another, after Carter, but she could think of no-one better to raise a family with than Kara, knew she would make an incredible mother and wanted her to feel the unbridled joy of holding her own flesh and blood in her arms._

_Kara had kissed her until she was dizzy, and the happiness that had settled in her stomach that day is a world away from the heartbreak she feels now._

_"What would you do if the next person took them, instead? How could you ever look me in the eye again, if I was responsible for the death of one of our children? How would I ever be able to forgive myself, when I knew that there was something I could have done to stop it?"_

_There were a lot of things that Cat had thought would be an obstacle for them, when this had started: the age gap, the fact that they worked together, that Cat had a son. What Kara's family would think, when they found out she was dating her boss._

_But this? Kara leaving her because she thought she was too dangerous? Something coming between them that couldn’t be solved with a conversation, that maybe couldn’t even be solved at all?_

_Maybe it hurts so much because she'd never seen it coming._

_"Kara," she still tries to plead, even though she can see, from the way the light in Kara's eyes has gone out, that her decision has already been made. "Kara, we can talk about this - "_

_"No, Cat," she cuts her off, though her voice is gentle. "I don't think that we can." Cat feels a sob building in her chest, feels terror clutching at her stomach, at her heart and clawing its way up the back of her throat, because the thought of waking up without Kara in her arms come morning is unimaginable._

_She does the last thing she can think of to try and urge Kara to stay, tightens her hold on Kara's shoulders as she begins to step away and surges forward, leaning up on her toes to press their lips together. It's desperate and messy and Cat can taste the salt of both of their tears on her tongue, and she wonders if this was a mistake, if she'll look back on this and regret that their last kiss was tinged with so much sadness, but she can't bear to let Kara go without reminding herself what it felt like, just one last time._

_"I'm sorry, Cat," Kara whispers against her mouth before she's pulling away, disentangling Cat's arms from around her neck, and Cat feels cold as Kara takes a step back, numbness creeping through her veins. "But I can't do this anymore."_

_She turns, and starts to walk away, and Cat knows that the second she steps foot out that door she might never see her again, and it makes her desperate, makes her want to break down but it makes her feel something else as well – anger, anger at herself that she's not enough to make Kara want to stay, and anger at Kara for being the one to leave her behind._

_"You promised," she calls, voice much calmer than she feels, and Kara's back stiffens before she turns, finds Cat pulling the glittering diamond ring from her finger with a trembling hand. "The day you knelt on one knee and put this ring on my finger, you promised me you wouldn't leave me."_

_Kara's expression is pained, and Cat knows that she shouldn’t be doing this, she should have just let her go because they're already both broken, and she doesn’t need to inflict more damage on Kara, on the love of her life, but she can't just stand there and watch her go, stand and watch while everything crumbles to dust at her feet._

_"I'm sorry," Kara repeats, and Cat wants to scream that it's not enough, that her apologies mean nothing, that she can fix this by staying and they can overcome whatever is thrown at them next together, but the words die in her throat at the look in Kara's eyes, knows that whatever she can think of to say will be in vain._

_Her mind is made up, she's going to leave, and Cat will fall apart without her._

_She flings the ring towards Kara without thinking, because she doesn’t want it, doesn’t want it weighing down her finger with broken, wasted promises, with words of love whispered into her ear late at night, with the memories of what might have been, if things were different for her._

_Her mother had been right – love is weakness, because Cat feels anything but strong as Kara lets the ring hit her cheek, hard enough to split the skin if she were human, and it clatters to the floor as she takes one last look at Cat, her eyes swimming with tears, and Cat can barely even see Kara, her own eyes foggy._

_"You'll never have to see me again," she says, like a promise, like she's doing Cat a_ favour _, and maybe it'll make this easier but god, she doesn't want that, doesn’t want a life without Kara in it, doesn’t want Carter to have to suffer through it either, but before she can find the words to voice any of it aloud, Kara is gone, the door rattling the frame as she shuts it behind her, the last thing Cat hears before it closes the sound of Kara's ragged, broken exhale._

_And for the first time in a long, long time, Cat Grant is alone._

X-x-x

It’s that sound that haunts Cat the most – Kara’s final, broken breath that she hears every night when she closes her eyes, hears the door click shut and reminding her that she’s alone, that she’ll be alone until the day she dies because she knows she’ll never love another the way she’d loved Kara.

The way she still loves Kara.

She takes a gulp of scotch at the thought, straight from the bottle, ignoring the burn as it slides down her throat and into her gut. She wonders if she’ll ever stop feeling like this, if the day will ever come where she can stand in her bedroom and glance at this drawer filled with Kara’s belongings and feel indifference, or if it will always feel like this, like she’s taking in tiny shards of glass with every breath, stinging at her skin and at her throat and at the shattered pieces of her heart.

She wonders if she’ll ever be the woman she was before Kara. Cool, calm and collected, not at risk of an emotional breakdown every day at work whenever she looks at Kara’s old desk for too long, whenever she catches a glimpse of a red cape on the news, of crying herself to sleep every single night because somewhere along the way the only way she’d been able to fall asleep had been with a pair of arms wrapped securely around her waist.

She wonders if the wounds that had torn through her on the day that Kara had left, still gaping and ragged now, months later, will ever heal, or if she really, truly is broken beyond repair.

It’s a ridiculous idea, and years ago she would have scoffed at the thought of it, that a girl half her age would reduce her to this, to sipping from a bottle of amber liquid kneeling alone on her bedroom floor, but she’s not the same woman she used to be.

She wishes she could go back to that indifference, but she thinks that Kara had changed her for good and sometimes, on her worst nights, she hates her for it. Hates her as much as she loves her, wishes she could hate her more, wishes she could hold onto that anger she’d been filled with those first few days after she had left, but she can’t.

She was never very good at staying mad at Kara.

She decides that, while she’s already in such a state, barely able to breathe through the force of the tears that roll down her cheeks, the taste of the scotch heavy on her tongue, that she may as well torture herself further, because she hasn’t looked in this drawer for so long, but now it’s open and she’s already a mess, and any further reminder of Kara probably won’t do her any more harm.

She finds the sketchbook, next, and knows she’ll regret looking inside even as her fingers are curling around the cover, but it doesn’t stop her from opening it and resting it in her lap, wiping hastily at her cheeks so that she doesn’t stain the paper within.

Kara’s a wonderful artist, manages to make her look ethereal and beautiful in every single sketch, and Cat runs the tips of her fingertips over the outlines on the pages, until they are dusted with charcoal, remembering the reverence with which Kara had always gazed at her with whenever Cat was the subject of her art.

Her favourite sketch is the final one, of her and Carter on a Saturday morning. The three of them would always lounge in bed watching cartoons until late afternoon, eating breakfast in bed but on that particular morning, Cat had been too exhausted by Kara’s ministrations the night before to even be able to keep her eyes open for more than a few minutes at a time.

Kara had been the one to make the pancakes, to prod Cat awake for long enough to get her to eat some of them, and then Carter had curled up between them to watch TV, and Kara had sketched the two of them, Cat fast asleep with an arm curled around Carter’s stomach, her other stretched out under her pillow, and Carter’s attention rapt on the TV screen.

Now Cat can barely sleep past eight a.m., even on the weekends, if she even sleeps at all, and she spends her Saturday mornings in the gym, letting Carter sleep until almost noon.

She closes the sketchbook carefully and lets it rest on the floor beside her, brushing her fingertips over the cover one last time. Kara’s art haunts this apartment still – Cat had been unable to take them down when it had ended, because each and every single painting was beautiful, and Cat knew her walls would be bare without them.

She’s glad that Carter had thrown himself into art when she’d left, because it had provided him with an escape that Cat knew he needed, wished that she’d had herself rather than the endless bottles of alcohol she’d tried to be subtle in consuming during those first few weeks.

It makes her so unbelievably proud whenever he unveils something new (always, always in his bedroom or the living room, never in the studio – Cat had glanced inside one day and saw Kara’s unfinished portrait and her heart had broken all over again, and ever since she’s only ever knocked on the door whenever she’d needed Carter, until today), and she remembers the nervousness in his expression as he’d told her he wanted to study it further, as if he was terrified she was going to scoff at the idea.

But she never could – she’d always taught him to go after the things that he wanted, and she knew, from the look in his eyes whenever he showed her something he’d created, that this was something that he wanted very, very much.

Most of Kara’s clothes had disappeared when Cat had been at work the day after Kara had walked out, and she knew that Alex had been by to get most of her sister’s things but a few things had remained. Mostly the ratty, worn pairs of pyjamas that Kara liked to lounge around the house in, and when Cat’s hands brush against her favourite pair – the shorts had sat low on Kara’s hips and the shirt had been short enough to expose her stomach for Cat’s hungry eyes – she lifts the shirt out gently and does something that she hasn’t allowed herself for a long, long time.

She slips her own shirt over her head and tugs Kara’s on. It smells like laundry detergent and her perfume and shampoo, and Cat’s eyes flicker closed as she takes a deep breath, can almost pretend that she’s lying in bed with her arms around Kara’s waist and her face buried in the side of her neck, breathing her in.

She’s putting everything back into the drawer, deciding to put an end to her pathetic little pity party for the night, when her fingertips brush against a velvet case, and she sucks in a sharp breath as she clenches her fingers around it, and tugs the tiny black box from the drawer, letting it settle in the palm of her hand.

She flicks it open and stares at the ring within it, still gleaming proudly. After Kara had left that day, Cat had drank herself into oblivion, because Carter wasn’t home and she was alone and she wanted to forget, wanted to wipe away the memory of Kara’s face and hadn’t cared how many gulps of whiskey it would take for her to get there.

She’d been collapsed in a heap on the kitchen floor, halfway through a bottle, when she’d seen something glittering in the light. She’d leant forward and found the ring where it must have bounced off of Kara’s cheek, had picked it up and clutched it so tightly in her fist that it had sliced through the skin, her blood dripping onto the wooden floor of her kitchen as she’d stared at the sight of it, a stark, bright red, and remembered the pool of blood that had surrounded Non and had felt nausea roil through her stomach.

She’d let the ring drop back onto the floor as she’d rushed to the bathroom, thrown up the contents of her stomach and sunk down onto the floor, back against the tile. It hadn’t been until the morning when she’d been able to find the energy to move, cleaning up the kitchen before Carter had come home to find his mother a complete wreck, and Cat learned that Kara had gone over to Lucy and James’ that morning to explain to him what had happened (though none of the true, grisly details, and for that she was grateful – he didn’t need to know how close they had both come to death, not on-top of everything else), and why she wouldn’t be home when he went back there.

Cat was relieved that Kara had told him, because she was sure she wouldn’t have had the strength to do it herself.

She’d found the ring for the second time before Carter had gotten back, and even though there was a part of her that had wanted to throw it away, instead she’d found a box for it and had later stuffed it into the drawer along with every other lingering reminder of Kara that remained in her apartment.

Of course, it hadn’t been enough – Kara remained no matter what she did. Cat’s sure that she always will, unless she moves.

She runs a finger over the diamond and sighs as she remembers the way she’d felt the very first time she’d set eyes on it, glittering in a tiny black box just like this one.

x-x-x

_“Kara?” Cat calls as she walks through her front door to find her apartment suspiciously silent, empty of the usual sounds of quiet chatter and laughter and she frowns as she shrugs out of her coat, checking her phone to see if there was a message explaining that Kara had taken Carter out for the night, but her screen is blank. “Carter?”_

_There’s no reply, and Cat’s frown deepens as she makes her way towards her bedroom, confusion growing when she hears the sound of music echoing down the hall. That room is empty, too, though the balcony door is open, curtains blowing gently in the wind, and when Cat steps out onto the balcony beyond, her breath catches as she finds Kara standing with her back against the railing, the table set up for two, the place illuminated in the soft glow of candlelight._

_“What’s this?” Cat asks as she leans in the doorway, noticing curiously the way Kara wrings her hands nervously in-front of her, and the way her hair is ruffled as though she’s been constantly running her hands through it._

_“I wanted to do something nice for you.” Kara gestures towards one of the chairs and Cat takes a step forward, drawing Kara into a gentle kiss before sitting down. “I-I know it’s been a rough week.”_

_“And where is our son?” Kara pours her a glass of her favourite wine with a trembling hand before she settles in the seat opposite her. Cat can see the pulse jumping in Kara’s neck, and wonders what’s managed to have her so on edge – they’ve done this a hundred times before._

_“He’s staying with Alex for the night.”_

_“And I don’t get a say in that?” Cat asks. She’s far from complaining, because with the place to themselves neither one of them has to hold back the way they usually would were Carter home, worried about waking him despite his bedroom being down another hall, but it makes her smile when Kara flushes._

_“I-I didn’t t-think you’d mind.” Kara hasn’t stuttered around her in a long, long time, and even then, it was usually when they were in bed together and Cat was trying to coax words she’d never usually say out of her, and her curiosity only increases. “I thought it might be nice to spend some time alone.”_

_She’s looking down as she says it, and Cat’s hand curls over the back of Kara’s on the table and squeezes gently until she glances up._

_“Nothing would make me happier,” she tells her quietly, and Kara’s answering beaming smile makes her heart skip a beat. “Did you make this?” She asks of the food that’s sitting in-front of them, Cat’s favourite sushi, and Kara quickly shakes her head._

_“No. Poisoning you is not part of my plans for the night.”_

_“Oh?” Cat arches a suggestive eyebrow, and Kara’s cheeks colour red. “And what_ are _those plans, hm?”_

_“You’ll have to wait and see,” Kara tells her sweetly, and Cat bites at her bottom lip, wonders if she can persuade Kara to forget all about dinner because it’s been almost a week since she’d last felt Kara come undone against her, Cat busy with work and Kara busy saving the world._

_But then her stomach grumbles and it_ has _been a while since she’d eaten, so she pops a piece of the sushi into her mouth and groans appreciatively because it tastes_ amazing _, and she has the pleasure of watching Kara’s eyes darken at the sound, smirks around her wine glass as her eyes run across the length of Cat’s body._

_“How was your day?” Kara asks around her own mouthful of sushi, and Cat shudders delicately at the question._

_“Ugh, let’s not talk about it. How about you? Any fires to put out, aliens to destroy, people to save?”_

_“No,” Kara shakes her head. “It’s been a quiet day.”_

_“Then why did you leave CatCo three hours early?” Kara’s head snaps up, her eyes widening and Cat realises that she isn’t supposed to know about that, and her own eyes narrow into a frown of suspicion._

_“I-I… I had something to take care of,” she answers eventually, carefully, and Cat decides to press her on the matter later, but right now she’d really just rather enjoy a night in with the amazing girlfriend that she’s absolutely sure she doesn’t deserve._

_When they’ve finished eating Kara reaches for her hand and tugs her to her feet, murmurs “come and look at the stars,” into Cat’s ear and so she does, letting Kara’s arms wrap around her waist and leaning her head back so that it rests against Kara’s chest, looking up at the sky above them._

_Cat has always been fascinated by space, and her amazement had only grown the first time she’d opened her eyes whilst Kara had flown them home one night, because the stars looked as if they were close enough to touch, and the only thing more beautiful than them had been the woman holding her gently in her arms._

_“Do you remember where Krypton was?” Kara asks quietly, mouth right by Cat’s ear and Cat nods, raising her hand and pointing towards the sky, towards where Kara had once shown her, one night when Cat had asked her where she’d come from after listening to Kara talk about her home planet. “That’s right,” she murmurs, arms tightening around Cat’s waist._

_“Do you miss it?” Cat’s never asked that before, because a part of her had always been afraid of the answer – that Kara would rather still be there, with her parents and her cousin, and not here in Cat’s embrace._

_“Yes,” she breathes, and Cat squeezes at her hands gently, because there’s that same sadness in her voice that’s there whenever she talks about Krypton and all the things she’d been forced to leave behind. “But I… I don’t want to go back there anymore.”_

_Cat tugs Kara’s arms away from her a little so that she can spin in her arms so that they’re facing one another, Cat’s back against the railing and her arms around Kara’s neck, Kara’s wrapped around her waist._

_“When I first came to earth, all I wanted was to go back home. Everything was strange and I had all these powers that I didn’t know how to control and I… I just wanted to go back. I hated my parents for sending me away, because what purpose did I have, now that Kal-El had grown up and survived without me?” She pauses to take a breath, and Cat runs her thumb in a comforting circle against the back of Kara’s neck. “I felt like that for a long time. Like I wasn’t at home here, but then… Alex and I got closer and I found myself a family and it started to get a little better. But I still didn’t feel like I_ belonged _._

_“And then I met you,” she almost whispers, a reverence in her eyes as she gazes down at Cat, like she can barely believe that she’s real. “And everything changed. I fell in love with you, so completely effortlessly, and you showed me what it meant to truly be alive. You amaze me every single day, you_ and _Carter, and I know now that if I could go back, if I could somehow stop Krypton being destroyed or myself getting sent to earth I... I don’t know if I’d do it. Not if it meant never meeting you.”_

_Cat’s breath catches at the admission, at the emotion she can see swirling in Kara’s eyes, and she watches her take a deep breath and feels the second her fingers starts to shake at Cat’s back when she shifts, and Cat’s heartrate spikes when Kara sinks down onto one knee in-front of her, a tiny box held in her hands._

_“So what I’m trying to say, Cat,” she continues, looking up at her with watery eyes, “is that_ you _are my home now. You’ve given me love and laughter and happiness and the greatest son I could have ever asked for and every single day with you I fall more and more in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side, I want to grow old with you, and I never want to leave you. That’s what I’m promising you, if you put on this ring.”_

_She flicks the box open and Cat lets out a little gasp when she sees the ring within it, beautiful and sparkling, just like Kara._

_“And now I’ve done the long-winded speech and you’re probably tired of hearing me rambling,” Cat lets out a breathless laugh through the tears that have started to slip down her cheeks, “so there’s only one thing left for me to say. Cat Grant, will you marry me?”_

_She’s looking up at Cat through the curtain of her hair, a look in her eyes like there’s a part of her that thinks that Cat will refuse, and she almost wants to laugh, that Kara still thinks that there’s any part of Cat that doubts this relationship, that doubts_ Kara _, because the thought of a life without her now is… unimaginable._

_“Yes, Kara,” she breathes, and just like that, Kara’s nervous energy transforms into a radiant smile, and Cat’s heart thumps almost painfully in her chest, and she doesn’t think, as Kara gently takes her hand and carefully slips the ring onto her finger, that she’s ever felt happiness quite like this before._

_The ring fits her perfectly, like it belongs there, and both Cat and Kara admire the way it catches the candlelight before Cat is tugging Kara towards her and winding a hand through her hair and kissing her, hard and desperate, needing to be close to her now more than ever before._

x-x-x

She snaps the box shut with a violent twist of her fingers, as though that might make the memory, the echo of that happiness, now only tainted with the bittersweet reminder of what might have been, disappear along with the sight of the ring, but it doesn’t.

It still sits churning in Cat’s gut, long after she’s shoved the box and the rest of Kara’s belongings back into that damn drawer, even when she’s curled up in bed and trying not to let the tears fall.

She still sleeps on the same side as she had when this bed had slept two, and she lies there wearing Kara’s clothes and catching the scent of her whenever she moves, and if she closes her eyes just right she can almost imagine that Kara is there, looking back at her through sleepy eyes.

The bottle of scotch sits on her bedside table, and she itches to reach for it whenever Kara’s face swims before her eyes, but she’s already had enough to have a killer hangover in the morning, and she doesn’t want to see the disappointment in Carter’s eyes when he notices the bags under her eyes and the way she squints under the bright lights of their kitchen.

She doesn’t allow herself to cry, even when she closes her eyes and lets the memories wash over her like the tide, even when she thinks about how, after Kara had slipped that ring onto her hand, Cat had dragged her back into this very bed and made Kara forget her own name. She bites them back even as she remembers the way Kara had whispered ‘I love you’ over and over again into Cat’s ear that same night, as her fingers had pressed into her in the most delightful of ways, and Cat had felt like she would burst, from the way it all made her feel.

The ringing of her phone snaps her out of drowning in the past, and she rolls over and hunts for it with her hand, letting out a groan as the movement makes her head spin. When she sees Kara’s name on the screen Cat knows that it’d be a colossal mistake to take the call, whilst she’s in bed and drunk and sad, but she can’t seem to stop herself from answering it, all the same.

“Hello?” She’s relieved that her words aren’t slurred, though her voice is heavy with exhaustion and when Kara replies Cat can practically see her frowning.

_“Did I wake you?”_

“No,” she answers as she shifts in the bed so that she’s lying on her side, the phone pressed against her ear. “I don’t really sleep anymore.” She says it quietly, but she still hears Kara suck in a pained breath on the other end of the line. “It’s late, Kara.” Her name feels strange on her tongue tonight. “What do you want?”

_“I wanted to apologise for running out on you earlier.”_ There’s more that she wants to say, though, Cat can tell – she wouldn’t be calling her at two thirty in the morning if there wasn’t – so she waits, listening to the quiet sound of Kara’s breathing. _“I was just… I was thinking about that day.”_ Her voice is anguished, and Cat’s heart aches, wishes she could comfort her but she can’t even manage to comfort herself. _“And then you were there beside me and I… I just had to get away. I don’t know how you can stand to be in the same room as me, after everything.”_

“Because I love you.” Cat blames the scotch for letting that slip out, but it’s too late to take it back now. “And I’ll always love you. What happened at the end… it doesn’t change that. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, so of course I still want you around, Kara. No matter how much it hurts.”

_“We never… we never talked about that day. About what happened.”_

“You didn’t really give us the chance to,” Cat points out, gently. “You got back from the DEO and then you left for Metropolis and you never came back.”

_“I know,”_ Kara whispers, and she sounds like she’s in pain. _“I thought it would be better like that, easier, but it’s… it’s not. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this, Cat. How many more times I can see you before I…”_ She trails off, and Cat aches to know what comes next. _“I’m tired. I’m so, so tired. Of trying to stay away from you, of trying to pretend that one day maybe I’ll stop loving you.”_

“What are you saying?” Cat asks, barely able to breathe, convinced that she’s fallen asleep and this is just some twisted dream, that she’s going to wake up with false hope and tears drying on her cheeks once again.

_“I’m saying that maybe… maybe we_ should _talk about what happened. About why… why things ended.”_

“Why?”

_“Because maybe it’ll give us the closure we need to move on.”_ Cat feels her heart sink at that. _“Or… or maybe it’ll convince us that maybe it’s worth trying again.”_ Her pulse quickens, and her breath catches, and she knows that it’s a bad idea to get her hopes up like this, that it will only come back to haunt her but god, she can’t help it because she’s hopelessly in love with this woman and maybe one day it will ruin her even more than it already has, maybe she’ll regret agreeing to this but there’s a part of her that _needs_ it.

“Carter has his date on Saturday,” Cat murmurs in reply, and neither she nor Kara are breathing. “Why don’t you come over then?”

_“I’ll be there.”_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first scene in this chapter jumps back before the phonecall between Kara and Cat at the end of the last chapter, just so you're aware of the timeline :)
> 
> I have a feeling that this is going to be the most anticipated chapter so far?? So hopefully you guys like it.

Kara manages to stop crying by the time she gets back to Alex’s apartment, though she knows the evidence of it still shows clearly on her face, knows there’s no hiding what she’s been doing as she slips her spare key into the lock and presses the door open, part of her hoping that her sister has been called out on DEO business and isn’t sitting up waiting for her.

But Kara has no such luck, because Alex’s head pops over the back of the couch when she hears the door, and the look of concern that flashes across her face when she gets a look at her sister makes Kara want to cry all over again.

“Kara?” She asks, and Kara wonders if she can get away with just… walking past her and locking herself away in the guest room, but there’s a part of her that doesn’t want to be alone. “What is it? What happened?”

She doesn’t answer, just curls up on the couch beside Alex with her knees pulled up against her chest, arms wrapped around her lower legs and chin resting on her knee, and she hears Alex shift and wander over to the kitchen, manages a small smile when an unopened tub of ice cream is deposited on the coffee table in-front of her.

“I went out and bought some more this afternoon,” Alex tells her, wrapping an arm around Kara’s shoulders and pulling her into her side. “I figured you might need it.”

“Thank you.” She doesn’t say anything else as she eats, and Alex is quiet beside her. Kara focuses on the TV, on whatever crappy romcom Alex had been watching before Kara had come home – usually she’d have changed the channel by now and claimed that she’d just been flicking through to see what was on, but tonight she stays quiet and leaves it on, because they both know that it’s her guilty pleasure, anyway.

Kara’s not paying enough attention to recognise what film it is, but when she hears one of the characters tearfully say ‘I can’t do this anymore’ she lets out a tiny whimper, mind flashing back to when she said those words herself, to the look on Cat’s tearstained face as she’d looked up at Kara and begged her to stay, and she shoves another spoonful of chocolate ice cream into her mouth to stop a sob.

Alex glances down at her face and changes the channel quickly, to some gory horror film that Kara would normally watch with glee, but tonight she feels only empty, and when the tub in her hands is finished she sets it back down on the coffee table and turns her head into Alex’s shoulder and wills herself not to let anymore tears fall.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” Her voice is muffled, but she and Alex had long ago learned how to translate one another’s words, no matter how distorted, and she rubs Kara’s back sympathetically.

“You’re allowed to be,” she tells Kara, gently, and Kara wonders how she would have managed to get through these past few months without her sister, is more grateful for her than ever before. “It’d be nice if you told me what happened, though. Did Cat… say something? Do something?”

“No.” Kara lifts her head, lets it rest against the back of the couch instead and stares at the ceiling above them. “No, nothing like that, I just… she kept my stuff.” Kara had been too distraught to go back to their apartment after she’d left, had turned up at Alex’s doorstep a sobbing mess, and after she’d managed to coax the whole miserable tale out of her had told Kara that she’d go back in the morning to grab everything she could, but there was no way she’d have been able to get everything unless she took a van with her, Kara had accepted that.

She’d just kind of figured that Cat would get rid of it all. Burn it, probably. She knows that was what she’d done after she’d thrown her ex-husband out.

“And she told me to look through it in-case there was anything that I wanted and it just… I saw the shirt I was wearing the day that Non escaped and I… I try not to think about that day, you know?” She shudders whenever she does, whenever she thinks of the feeling of blood on her hands, of the desperation to keep Cat safe. “But I did and then I couldn’t _stop_ and I… I _miss_ her, Alex.”

She thinks of the heat of Cat beside her when she’d knelt at Kara’s side, thinks of wanting nothing more than to let Cat take her into her arms and pretend, for just a few brief moments, that everything was okay again.

“And I thought I could handle being back here but I don’t think I can. Because whenever I’m around her I… I forget. I forget about why I left, about why we shouldn’t be together and I just… I want to stop it hurting.” She closes her eyes, hates the desperation in her voice, the way that whenever her heart beats lately, it feels like there’s a shard of glass buried within it, aching with every pulse. “I just want to feel okay again.”

“You know you could.” Alex’s voice is quiet, like she’s afraid of startling her, and Kara remembers the last time they’d had this conversation but this time she actually wants to listen. “What happened with Non, it was… it was _awful_ , Kara.” Alex had been the one to see the aftermath, the first one into that warehouse to make sure that her sister was okay, the first one to take her aside and find out what had happened, the first one Kara had gone to after she’d broken things off with Cat.

She’d tried to talk her out of it. Alex had curled a hand around Kara’s wrist before she’d left the DEO and told her to really think about this, to make sure that this was really, truly what she wanted because it was something she’d never be able to take back, and Kara hadn’t realised, at the time, just how true Alex’s words were.

Because even if she and Cat did get together again, Kara doesn’t know if it would last, if these wounds that she’d inflicted on the both of them will ever be able to heal, if things between them could ever be the same again.

“It was awful,” Alex repeats, and Kara’s eyes open as she turns her head to face her sister. “And it should never have happened and I blame myself for it every single day.”

“What?” Kara frowns, because this is new information to her. “Why?”

“I killed Astra,” she reminds her, and Kara winces at the mention of her aunt’s name, just like she always does. “And maybe I could have… maybe I could have gotten her away from J’onn without resorting to that. I see it every night, when I close my eyes.” Kara knows that Astra wasn’t the first person Alex had killed, but she knows that it’s different, because of who Astra was. She knew her, and it’s left a lasting impression on her, and Kara hates that she wasn’t there for Alex in the fallout, like Alex had been there for her after Cat.

“And maybe if she wasn’t dead,” Alex continues, staring down at her hands, “then Non wouldn’t have wanted to hurt you like that. Maybe he wouldn’t have taken Cat. And he should have never gotten out of the DEO in the first place.” Alex’s jaw clenches, and Kara remembers the panicked look in her eyes as she’d tugged on Kara’s shoulder in that warehouse, desperately searching for signs of damage, remembers Alex screaming at her in the DEO afterwards for not letting her know where she was, and she knows that that day, Alex had feared she’d lost her sister for good.

(In some ways, she had, because Kara’s never been the same woman she was before it all).

“It’s not your fault he escaped.” Kara had no idea that Alex felt like this, aches to comfort her because she doesn’t deserve to feel the guilt. “You had nothing to do with it.”

“I should’ve kept a closer eye on him,” she says with a shake of her head, voice sounding small. “I should have checked on him every single day to make sure that the Kryptonite levels were high enough to make sure that he never even got close to getting out but I… I was content to just forget he was there and move on. If he was still there, you and Cat would still be happy. Hell, maybe you’d even be married, but instead you’re both miserable and I can’t help but wonder… if a part of that is my fault.”

“It’s _not_ ,” Kara stresses, locking eyes with her sister and willing Alex to believe her. “Alex, it’s not your fault. The only person at fault for any of this is Non and he’s… well, he’s long gone now.”

She tries not to think about that too much. About the sound of a sword slicing through flesh, about the feeling of hot, sticky blood on her hands and how they hadn’t felt clean even after she’d washed them a dozen times.

He was the first (and only) life she’s ever taken, and she knows that the scars of it will remain for years to come.

“But my point,” Alex says with a deep breath, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. “Is that it shouldn’t have happened. And the chances of it happening again… Kara, is it worth it? Is a lifetime of misery worth the tiny, almost impossible chance of it happening again?”

It’s so eerily similar to what Cat had said that day, and Kara thinks about the desperation in her voice as she’d all but begged her to stay and feels her heart break all over again, and she doesn’t know how Cat can even look at her anymore.

“No-one’s discovered your identity since you and Cat got together,” Alex is still talking. “And how many aliens have you fought in that time? A hundred? More?”

“All it takes is one,” Kara whispers. One with the determination to find out who she is, to follow her home one night to the apartment she shares with the love of her life, to see the woman and son that Kara so obviously dotes on, to decide that to lure her into a trap all they need to do it snatch up one of them and fly away.

God, just the thought of it makes her want to be sick. 

“National City’s gone on without you for six months,” Alex says then, and Kara feels like this is her hook, because there’s almost an eager glint in her eyes. “You’ve only had to come back here what, four, five times since you left to help us out? And the DEO did an okay job before you. Nothing disastrous happened before you revealed yourself.”

“What are you saying?” Her voice is little more than a whisper, and she hates that there’s a tiny flicker of hope in her chest, because she isn’t sure she deserves it.

“I’m saying,” Alex replies in a rush, “that maybe if you came back, you wouldn’t have to be Supergirl all the time. You could be Kara Danvers, and our secret weapon only when we had no other option. If you weren’t out there, flying through the skies and an easy target for whoever’s out there and wants to hurt you then… then Cat and Carter? They wouldn’t be in danger. _You_ wouldn’t be in danger. I know you put on that cape because you want to help people and god, I think that’s amazing Kara, I really do.

“But you can’t… you _shouldn’t_ have to sacrifice your own happiness, your own _life_ , for others. You shouldn’t have to be put in that position, and you sure as hell shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Your cousin, he has Lois. They’re _happy_.” Kara doesn’t need Alex to tell her that – she’d lived with them for several weeks, she’d seen the loved-up way they’d acted around one another, ached with the memories of what that had felt like. “And there’s no reason why you can’t be, too.”

“You really think so?” She hates that she sounds so uncertain, but there’s still that same part of her that’s always just wanted a normal life, and she craves it now more than ever, and she’d thought that she could be as strong and stoic as she had been the day she’d left Cat behind whilst she was back here, but her resolve had started to crack when she’d laid eyes on her in the CatCo building, and it had withered and died tonight, surrounded by the heady reminders of what they’d used to have.

“Yeah, Kara, I think so. This city… sometimes it’s going to need you, it’s true. But it doesn’t… it doesn’t need a full-time hero. It never has, and you’ve never wanted to be one.” She thinks of the first time Cat had confronted her about Supergirl, the threat to fire her unless she could prove that they weren’t one and the same, the desperation that had run through her at the thought of losing the one thing in her life that made her feel at home. “You deserve to be happy, you and Cat both do and I don’t think you’ll ever find someone who makes you feel like she does. And love isn’t easy, Kara, it never is, there’s obstacles in any relationship and maybe not like this, maybe not like in yours but… I think losing her might kill you, Kara. Not right now, not right away but you’re not… you’re not the same, and sometimes… sometimes I wonder, if you were in a fight, a _bad_ fight, and someone got one over on you and you had to fight to survive, sometimes… sometimes I wonder if you’d even bother.”

Kara’s breath catches at the worry in Alex’s voice, meeting her gaze and seeing so many emotions swirling in her eyes that it’s hard for to make a single one of them out.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Kara promises, but she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it. That, when she’d been lying in bed at night unable to sleep, staring up at the stars and remembering the ghost of Cat’s touch, sometimes she’d wondered if the only way to stop it hurting would just be… to give up.

But then she’d thought of Alex, who’d already been destroyed when her father had died, of Cat and Carter, and what it would do to all of them, and she’d continued to struggle on.

“I know,” Alex says, blinking away tears. “I know you wouldn’t, not intentionally, but… sometimes I can’t help but think it. Like the other day, when you hit the ground I thought - ” She cuts herself off, takes a deep breath and holds Kara tight enough that, were she human, she might have bruises in the morning. “I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”

“I’m sorry.” Kara reaches up to fiddle with her glasses, a habit that she’d only picked up when she’d started as Cat’s assistant but had never quite been able to stop. “I never… I never realised you felt like this.”

“Because you needed me to be strong. So I was.” Kara feels a flood of gratitude towards Alex, who’s sacrificed so much for Kara, the sister she’d never asked for and had probably never wanted.

“I love you.” She thinks she doesn’t say it enough, not nearly as much as she thinks it, because Alex is her rock, and sometimes Kara forgets that she needs to be Alex’s rock in return, too.

“And I love you.” Alex hugs her closer, and Kara shifts to press a kiss against her sister’s cheek, making her scrunch up her nose. “You should think about what I said. About you and Cat.”

“I will,” she promises, because she already is. “Would it… would you mind if I went out flying for a bit? I need to clear my head.”

“Of course not.” Once upon a time, Alex had always used to join her whenever she flew among the stars, her delighted laughter ringing in Kara’s ears as she’d spun them around and around, Eliza and Jeremiah watching them with anxious eyes, far below. “Whatever you need, you know that.”

She squeezes Alex one last time before she rises to her feet, trudging into the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face and washing away any lingering remainder of her tears, wiping her face clear with a towel before tugging off her clothes and pulling on her suit.

She slips out of the fire escape and leaps high into the air, rising above the clouds until even she can feel the icy effects of the atmosphere pressing against her skin, the wind whipping through her hair. She turns onto her back and stares up at the stars high above her, floating closer and closer as she admires the beauty of them, shining brightly in the darkness.

This had always been Cat’s favourite part of flying. She’d lie in Kara’s arms and stare above her, and Kara would tell her all about the constellations that Alex had taught her when she had first arrived on earth, the only way she could think of to try and make Kara feel a little more at home.

Kara herself never really stopped to appreciate the sight, until Cat. The sky had looked different on Krypton, and Kara had never been able to get close, and it had used to just serve as a reminder that she was no longer at home.

She sighs as she thinks about Cat, her breath fogging in the air in-front of her as she replays Alex’s words over and over in her head. She hadn’t allowed herself to hope for another chance with Cat, for another chance at love with anyone, in so long, that the feeling is foreign in her heart.

She wonders if it will be worth it, if she will ever be able to let go of the lingering fear that something awful might happen, if she’ll ever be able to be truly happy with Cat again, or if terror will eat at her heart every time they’re apart.

She wonders if Cat will even _want_ to try again, but then she remembers the whispered words in Alex’s kitchen ‘ _I’ll be here, if you change your mind_ ’, the feeling of Cat trembling in her arms on her balcony, of the pain in her eyes whenever she looks at Kara, knows that it’s killing Cat to stay away just as much as it’s killing her, and she knows that she’s not too late.

Will Cat be able to trust her again, though? Or will she always be worried that Kara will leave her again without warning, leave them both broken once again, only this time without any chance of repair, without any chance of trying again?

She doesn’t know, but she thinks she’d like to. She thinks that maybe she and Cat are long overdue a conversation, one that Kara’s been putting off for far too long.

She stays out for a long time, thinking about things – about Cat and their past, and for the first time allows herself to think that maybe they can have a future, too.

When she gets back to Alex’s she’s asleep on the couch, the TV still playing quietly, and Kara knows that she’d been trying to wait up for her to make sure that she was okay. She takes the blanket draped over the back of the couch and settles it across her sister gently, before she reaches for the phone she’d left on the coffee table and heads towards her bedroom.

She knows it’s late, but she doesn’t think she can go another moment without hearing Cat’s voice, without telling her what’s on her mind, and she thinks that Cat will answer because Kara knows that, no matter the hour, if she saw Cat’s name emblazoned across the screen of her phone she’d always pick it up, no matter what.

x-x-x

If Kara had felt nervous the last time she was standing at Cat’s door, it’s nothing compared to how she feels now. She’d barely been able to sleep last night, mind churning over everything she wanted to say, everything Cat might say in reply, allowing herself, for the first time in months, to entertain the idea that maybe they would be able to get over this, after all.

Cat answers the door wearing yoga pants and a thin black shirt, her hair damp from a shower and curling around her shoulders, and Kara feels her breath hitch at the sight of her, never quite as beautiful as she was like this, dressed down and lounging around her home.

“Come in,” she murmurs, stepping aside to let Kara pass her by, and her hands are shaking as she struggles to slip her jacket from her shoulders, kicking off her boots and leaving them both by the door.

“Carter gone?” She’s not sure that either of them want the questions from him, knows that Cat had scheduled this for a time when he was out for a reason.

“Mm.” There’s a glass of wine sitting on the kitchen counter, and Kara wonders how many Cat has gone through already, can sense her nerves in the way she drums her fingers erratically against the marble. “I think he was a little nervous.”

“With the stellar dating advice I gave him the first time he ever took a girl out?” Kara teases, falling easily back into the old dynamic they’d used to have. “Never.”

“ _You_ were a wreck on our first date,” Cat points out with a soft smile. “You kept dropping everything in the office during the day before it, and then you were a bumbling mess the whole way through dinner, and I thought you were going to pass out when I kissed you goodnight.”

“I got better,” Kara defends, because the terror she’d felt that night, scared of doing or saying the wrong thing, had quickly faded when Cat had kissed her and gently reminded her that she was there for a reason, and Kara had nothing to fear.

“Eventually,” Cat agrees, and there’s a sparkle in her eyes that Kara hasn’t seen in so long, and it makes her pulse quicken. “With a little coaching.”

Kara’s unable to stop her mind from flashing back to… other, decidedly less innocent activities that Cat had talked her through for the first time and she swallows thickly, remembering the feeling of soft hands a warm mouth brushing against her skin.

God.

_Focus, Kara. You’re here for a reason._

“Why are you here, Kara?” Cat asks, then, her voice tinged with her curiosity, and Kara takes a deep breath and tilts her head towards the couch.

“Can we sit?” Cat just hums, snatching up her glass and padding over to the couch, settling down with her back against the arm of it so that she was facing Kara, who curls up in the seat that had used to be hers, Carter always cuddling up between them. “Okay, so I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days.”

“Unusual,” Cat hums, and Kara narrows her eyes towards her, though it just has a smirk tugging at her lips. “Sorry. Go on.”

“I’ve been thinking about… about Non.” She watches the way Cat’s grip tightens on her glass so tightly that her knuckles flash white, wonders if the shock and trauma of that day had lingered long after Kara had left. “And about what he did.”

“Trying to kill me, you mean?” Cat’s trying for nonchalant, but her voice tremors just enough to let Kara know that it’s an act.

“Yes.” Kara swallows around the lump in her throat that never fails to appear whenever she thinks about Cat being held in a vice-like grip, of the life being choked from her while she could only watch. “And I’m sorry, again, that you ever had to feel that. That your life was ever put in danger because of me.”

“I’ve told you before, Kara,” Cat’s voice is soft, wraps around her like an embrace. “I don’t blame you for what happened. You weren’t the one to kidnap me that day. You weren’t the one to… to strangle me.” She runs her thumb across the side of her neck as though she’s tracing the bruises Non’s hands had left behind. “And you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel guilty over the actions of others.”

“But how can I not?” She sounds almost like she’s pleading, her emotions reflecting clearly in her voice, and she takes a deep breath to try and get herself under control. “If I wasn’t Supergirl, then - ”

“Then you wouldn’t be _you_ , Kara.” Cat’s looking at her like she’s the rising sun, devastating and beautiful. “And I wouldn’t have fallen for you. Look, what happened was terrible and awful and… the worst day of both of our lives but it _did_ happen, and there’s not a thing that either one of us can do to take it back.” Cat pauses to take a breath, and Kara can hear the frantic beat of her heart, the only sign that she’s as nervous about whatever’s going to happen here between them tonight as Kara is.

“I wish every day that I could,” she whispers quietly, and Cat smiles a sad little smile that says that maybe she does, too.

“But you can’t.”

“So I should just, what? Forget it ever happened?” God, if only it were that easy. If only she could sleep without waking up screaming, seeing Cat’s life ripped away right before her eyes again and again and again.

“No.” Cat shakes her head. “But perhaps we should try to… put it behind us. Try to move past it, because dwelling on it, dwelling on everything that’s happened… I don’t know about you, Kara, but I don’t know how much longer I can do it before I break.”

She looks at Cat, then, really, truly looks at her in a way that hasn’t allowed herself to since she came back. She takes in the deep bags under her eyes, more prominent now than ever before because her face is bare of make-up, the tired bloodshot eyes that speak of many sleepless nights, the sadness that seems to radiate off her like an aura, and she thinks that it’s like looking in a mirror, wonders how people are so eager to fall in love when it ends in such a ruin.

“That’s what you wanted to do tonight, isn’t it?” Cat continues, looking at Kara with inquisitive eyes. “Get everything out in the open? Get closure?” The way Cat’s lip curls around the word makes Kara think that that’s not what Cat wants at all, and it makes her heart sing.

“I said to get closure or to convince us that it might be worth trying again,” Kara reminds her, gently, and she hears the catch in Cat’s breathing and knows that that is something that they both want, is just terrified that they might not be able to get over everything that stands in their way.

“And is that something that you want, Kara?” Cat’s voice is quiet, like she’s scared of the answer. “To try again? Because just a few days ago you told me that nothing had changed.”

“That was a lie,” she admits, with a small shrug. “Because everything changed the day I left you. And I’m _scared_ , Cat. I’m terrified of the fact that I’m still just as in love with you now as I was back then.” She remembers the way her heart had nearly beat its way out of her chest when she’d heard Cat utter those words into the phone last night. “I’m terrified of being close to you, because it makes me want to forget everything that happened and just… take you into my arms and never let you go again. And I’m terrified of being away from you, because it… I _ache_ , every second of every day, and I can barely _think_ about anything other than you and I… I hate it.”

“Then don’t.” It’s Cat’s turn to sound like she’s pleading now, and she sets her glass down on the coffee table and shuffles closer so that their knees are brushing against one another, so that Kara is drowning in the scent of her shampoo. “Stay here, with me. I know you left because you thought it would keep me safe but I… what I’m doing now is barely living, Kara. A piece of me died in that warehouse that day and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it back. I still need you, and I still want you, and I think I will forever and I… I don’t want to ever watch you walk away from me again. So if you’re going to, if there’s even a single doubt in your mind that you might do it again, that if in an hour or a week or a month or hell, ten years, you’re going to decide that it’ll be for my own good if you leave then… just go now. Because it’ll hurt a hell of a lot less than it will in the future.”

“I can’t promise you that, Cat,” Kara whispers, and her voice is an anguished whisper. “Because once upon a time I would’ve laughed in the face of anyone who’d told me that one day I’d walk out on you. But things change, and I’m not going to sit here and promise you forever because it would kill me if it turned out to be a lie.”

“How did I know you were going to say that?” Cat breathes, with a laugh that sounds more like a sob, and when she reaches for Kara she forgets how to breathe, Cat’s palm settling at her cheek and Kara pressing their foreheads together, tasting Cat’s breath on her lips.

“Because you know me,” Kara answers, “better than I even know myself, sometimes.”

“What if it happens again?” Cat asks, her eyes open and wary, and Kara thinks that it would be so, so easy to drown in pools of green and never come up for air. “What if someone else gets ahold of me, or Carter? What will you do then?”

“Hopefully react better than I did the first time.” Her voice is quiet, and Cat is frowning at her, and Kara sighs. “I think maybe… maybe I let my fear take over when I broke your heart. Maybe I should have handled it better and maybe if we could’ve talked about it more then I wouldn’t have… But I just… I saw your eyes closing and you struggling to breathe every time I closed my eyes, Cat.” She feels a tear slip down her cheek, and Cat immediately swipes it away. “And all I wanted to do was make sure you were safe.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Kara closes her eyes, loses herself in the familiar warmth of Cat around her, in the little jolts of electricity that shoot through her every time Cat’s thumb sweeps across the angle of her cheekbone. “But I trust _you_ to keep me safe.”

“You shouldn’t,” Kara says with a shake of her head, and she reaches for Cat’s waist without thinking about it, feels her breath stutter against Kara’s lips and nearly stops breathing herself at the way it feels to splay her fingers across Cat’s hip, feel the heat of her skin beneath her fingertips. “I didn’t then.”

“Those were extenuating circumstances,” Cat murmurs, so softly that Kara almost has to strain to hear her. “And you _did_ keep me safe.” Kara’s eyes flicker open to find Cat watching her closely. “I’m still here. I’m still breathing. All because of you.”

“You’d really still trust me?” Kara asks, voice trembling. “After everything?”

“I never stopped, Kara,” Cat tells her, honesty shining in her eyes.

“You’d trust me not to break your heart again?” She watches the way Cat bites at her bottom lip, watches the decision bloom in her eyes.

“Yes,” she breathes, barely loud enough to be heard at all. “If you say you want to try again then I believe you, Kara. I trust you. But I want to know what happened to make you change your mind.” Cat shifts a little so that they’re no longer pressed so tightly together, leaning her head back against the couch instead, though her eyes never leave Kara’s face, and her hand still cradles her cheek, fingers warm against her skin.

“Alex,” Kara admits quietly. “She told me that I deserve to be happy, that National City’s survived six months without me and maybe I can take a step back from the superhero stuff for a while. I’m not a target if no-one knows I’m here. And if I’m not a target, then, well, neither are you.”

“But… saving people, helping people, that’s… that’s important to you.” There’s a tiny frown between Cat’s eyebrows, and Kara aches to smooth it away with her thumb.

“You’re more important to me,” she whispers, because she is, Cat has been the most important person in her life for a while now and Kara’s certain no-one else is going to be taking over that position any time soon. “And it’s not like I’m never going to put the cape on again, so stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re about to reprimand me about how selfish I’d be to give up Supergirl for you.” Cat’s lip twitches, and Kara knows she’s right. “Because I wouldn’t be. I’d still help the DEO out when they needed me, help people when there’s a disaster but I… the DEO’s done okay without me, for the most part. The city’s still standing, and I… I can’t justify wanting to stay away from you to myself anymore. I think I stopped wanting to try the day I walked back into CatCo and saw you again. I love you, so, so much, and I hope I haven’t fucked things up between us so much that you’ll still take me back, even after everything.”

“Oh, Kara.” Cat’s voice breaks, and there are tears pooling in her eyes and she’s looking at Kara like she’s saying everything she’s ever wanted to hear, Kara thinks about how long they’ve both been waiting for this, all those weeks of heartbreak and pain, and thinks that maybe they can be worth it, if they manage to find their way back to one another, in the end. “Of course I will. As if there was ever any doubt.”

Kara’s heart thumps painfully in her chest, and for the first time in what feels like forever she smiles a real, genuine smile, and then Cat is surging towards her and tangling a hand in her hair, and bringing their lips together.

It’s desperate and messy and _frantic_ , and they both moan at the feeling of it, Kara using her hand at Cat’s waist to urge her close until she’s practically in her lap, one knee on either side of Kara’s hips and Cat sobs against Kara’s mouth, tears running down both their cheeks. Kara knows, as she slides her hands up and down Cat’s thighs gently, as Cat’s tongue slips inside her mouth to tease at her own, that she will never want another person besides Cat for as long as she lives, that no-one else will make her feel like this, be able to ignite her with a single kiss.

“I love you,” Cat murmurs when they part, lips brushing lightly against Kara’s with every word, a flush on her cheeks and a sparkle in her eyes that Kara hasn’t seen in a long, long time and god, she’s the most beautiful thing that Kara’s ever seen. “And don’t you dare break me like this again.”

“I won’t,” Kara replies, her breathing laboured, and she can taste Cat’s wine on her lips and smell her perfume on her skin, and she’s never felt quite so alive. “I don’t ever want to.”

“Good.” Cat dips down and claims her lips in another kiss, open-mouthed and deep enough for Kara to feel it all the way down to her toes, curling and digging into the rug at her feet as her hands slide just beneath the hem of Cat’s shirt, spreading her fingers across the warm skin beneath and marvelling at the way that Cat shudders against her.

She thinks that maybe they should put a stop to this, that maybe they should take a step back and think about all the things that had been said between them that night but god, Kara doesn’t know how to stop, not when Cat is kissing her like the world is ending, her hands running through her hair and her hips restless in her lap, and she doesn’t think she could tear herself away even if she wanted to.

But then, distantly, as Cat’s pressing a kiss to the underside of her jaw and making her eyes roll back in her head, she hears the ding of the elevator on Cat’s floor, and then she hears the sound of shuffling footsteps and she freezes, gripping Cat’s hips hard to still her.

“Carter,” Kara hisses, as Cat looks down at her with confused eyes. “Will be walking through that door in about three seconds.”

“Bedroom,” Cat murmurs in reply, adding, “I don’t want him asking questions I’m not ready to answer yet,” at Kara’s questioning look, and she nods, zipping off down the hallway in a burst of superspeed and hoping Cat can regain her composure in the time it’ll take Carter to throw himself down onto the couch beside her.

She hears Cat let out a shaky breath as Kara shuts the bedroom door quietly behind her, hears the couch creak as Cat settles herself back down onto it, the television flickering to life a moment before the front door opens and Carter comes trudging in.

_“Hey, Mom,”_ he murmurs, Kara listening as she makes her way out onto Cat’s balcony, looking up at the sky above.

_“How was your date?”_ Cat replies, voice steadier than Kara’s would be, if she tried to speak right now. Her heart is still beating triple time in her chest, her breathing still laboured from the effect of Cat’s lips, and she knows her cheeks will be flushed and her pupils blown, desire thrumming through her veins like blood.

_“Good.”_ Carter sounds a little shy, and Kara smiles – he must really like this girl. She thinks about the fact that she might get to meet her, that she’s _allowed_ to do that now, and feels a little giddy, even as she’s telling herself to stop getting her hopes up, because she and Cat are just back at the beginning, and things could still change.

_“Is that all the detail I’m going to get?”_ Kara can imagine the little pout that will sit on Cat’s lips. _“Really?”_

_“Yep.”_ She hears the sound of Cat shaking her head and smiles. _“I’m going to bed,”_ Carter announces, then, and she can hear the frown in Cat’s voice when she replies.

_“Already? It’s only… nine thirty. On a Saturday.”_

_“Yeah, but,”_ Kara listens to the sound of Carter rising to his feet, swears, from the sound of his voice, that there’s a smirk on his mouth, _“there’s a pair of boots and a jacket by the door that I know for a fact do not belong to you, your hair is all messed up, your shirt is all rumpled and I know you’re not that flushed because it’s warm in here.”_

Kara can hear Cat’s mortified little gasp and winces – damn Carter for being so observant, but then, he wouldn’t be Cat’s son if he wasn’t.

_“So I’m going to bed, because I’m guessing Kara’s in your bedroom waiting for you.”_ Kara bites her lip and debates whether it’s worth emerging from the balcony and going to rescue Cat, or whether she should stay put.

_“Carter, I - ”_

_“We can talk about it in the morning, Mom,”_ he replies, and Kara hears the sound of ruffling fabric as he must shrug. _“But just… go and figure things out with her, okay? You guys deserve it.”_ Cat takes a tiny little breath like she’s struggling not to cry again. _“I’m gonna go listen to music really, really loud for the next… three hours.”_ Kara hears Cat shove at Carter’s shoulder, his laughter echoing in Kara’s ears as he retreats down the hall.

True to his word, Kara hears rock music start up almost the second his door has clicked closed behind him.

“That boy…” Cat is muttering as she appears in the balcony doorway, leaning one shoulder against the frame as she admires the sight of Kara illuminated in the moonlight. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with him.”

“At least he didn’t freak out,” Kara points out, because she’d been kind of terrified about Carter’s reaction, considering his new-found protectiveness towards his Mom.

“No,” Cat agrees, and when she steps forward Kara gathers her into her arms and rests her chin on-top of her head. “Though perhaps that would have been less mortifying.” Kara grins, and holds Cat more tightly when she shivers in the cool night air. “Do you think we’re rushing back into things too quickly?” She asks, then, gaze focused on the horizon as her hands draw errant patterns across Kara’s forearms, crossed at Cat’s waist.

“Honestly?” She murmurs, mouth pressing close to Cat’s ear. “Maybe.” Cat hums quietly, fingers still swirling across Kara’s skin. “But… I feel happy, for the first time in almost as long as I can remember.” Cat squeezes her wrist like she agrees, and Kara smiles, pressing a gentle kiss to Cat’s cheek. “And maybe I should fly off this balcony right now and go home in-case we regret this in the morning but I… I don’t want to. I’d like to stay, if you’ll let me.”

“I want you to stay,” Cat replies, leaning her head back so that it’s resting against Kara’s shoulder. “Do you think we will? Regret this in the morning?”

“No.” Kara breathes it against the side of Cat’s neck, is unable to resist turning her head and pressing an open-mouthed kiss there, against her pulse point, beating furiously beneath her lips, and Cat’s soft moan is music to her ears. “I don’t think I’ll regret a single thing I’ve said tonight. And I know I sure as hell won’t regret anything that follows.”

She drops her hands to Cat’s delicate hips, is intensely grateful that the pants she’s wearing sit loose on them, and Kara runs her thumbs along the sharp outline of Cat’s hipbones, left bare where her shirt rides up, and Cat shivers beneath the deliberate touch.

“No?” Cat still questions her, voice breathy, and Kara hates that she’s so uncertain about this, wonders if there’s a part of her that will expect to find Kara gone come morning, and she resolves herself to showing Cat that she’s here to stay every single day for the rest of their lives, if that’s what it takes.

“No,” Kara says firmly, dipping her thumbs beneath Cat’s pants and brushing against the outline of rough lace beneath, Cat’s breath stuttering as Kara lets her nails drag gently against her skin. “I’m here to stay, Cat,” she murmurs into her ear, letting out a tiny whimper when one of Cat’s hands reaches backwards to twist into her hair, nails scraping across her scalp. “I’m here for as long as you want me.”

“Forever,” Cat whispers it like a promise, before she turns her head and guides Kara’s lips to hers, kissing her over her shoulder, her free hand reaching for one of Kara’s at her hips and tangling their fingers together.

And they still have a lot of things to talk about, so much to sort through, but when Cat parts their lips only to whisper “take me to bed, Kara,” against her ear, Kara is powerless to do anything other than obey.

She takes Cat’s hand and tugs her back inside, shutting the door behind them before walking Cat over to the bed, and her mouth goes dry when Cat’s hooks her thumbs into her pants and lets them fall to the floor, stepping out of them in one fluid motion that sets Kara’s heart racing.

She’s wearing black panties beneath them, and when she tugs her shirt over her head to reveal the matching bra Kara can’t resist stepping close and pulling Cat against her, because she’s even more perfect than Kara remembers and she’s desperate to get her hands on her.

Cat moans into her mouth when Kara’s fingertips drag from her hips and over her ribs, cupping both of her breasts in her hands. Cat tugs impatiently at the buttons of Kara’s blouse, and she laughs against Cat’s lips at her impatience, bats her hands gently away and making quick work of the remaining buttons, letting Cat push it off her shoulders as she shuffles out of her slacks.

Cat spreads herself out across the bed, and Kara stands and watches her for a long moment, barely able to believe what she’s seeing, that this is actually happening, and Cat is welcoming her into her bed once again.

And then she stops thinking as Cat crooks a finger towards her, Kara crawling onto the bed and settling a knee on either side of Cat’s hips, and they both let out a sigh at the feeling of being pressed against one another, skin to skin.

Kara feels like electricity sparks wherever they touch, and she dips her head to kiss Cat again eagerly, slower this time, making sure she really feels it as Cat arches against her, pressing closer, and Kara trails a hand back to her breasts, thumb slipping beneath the cup of her bra and teasing at one of her nipples, Cat’s answering groan making heat pool between her thighs.

She wants to worship every inch of Cat’s body, wants to tell her just how sorry she is for everything she’s put her through with her lips and teeth and tongue, and she undoes the clasp of Cat’s bra with a twist of her fingers as her mouth makes a slow descent down the side of Cat’s neck, her head tilting to one side to give Kara better access.

She lets out a breathless sigh when Kara nips at her pulse point, and another when she swirls her tongue in the hollow of her throat and the dip of her collarbones, Cat’s hand winding through her hair and tugging, hard enough to make Kara hiss against her skin.

Cat’s hips are restless beneath her as Kara kisses a path down her sternum, pressing a biting kiss to the side of one of Cat’s breasts, desperate to leave a lingering reminder of her touch on Cat’s skin, and Cat gasps and arches against her when she feels the bite of Kara’s teeth.

She raises her head only to take one of Cat’s nipples between her lips, tugging gently with her teeth before swirling her tongue, and Cat breathes her name and holds her close and Kara never wants to stop doing this, never wants to stop feeling Cat quaking around her, never wants to stop tasting her skin and make her lose control.

“Kara, please,” she murmurs when Kara lifts her head, arching her hips upwards, her voice breathless as she shifts to slide one leg over Kara’s hip, and Kara breathes out a stuttered moan when she feels how wet Cat is beneath her underwear as she presses her sex deliberately against her thigh. “Please don’t tease me.” It’s practically a sob, a desperate tinge to Cat’s every word. “Not this first time, I-I need you.” Cat arches against her again, and Kara watches her eyes flutter closed, lips parting in a silent moan and fuck, Cat like this is definitely the hottest thing she’s ever seen. “Please.”

It’s the pleading that gets to her, because Cat rarely begs, not like this. She’ll make _Kara_ beg, tease her for hours on end until she’s an incoherent mess, aching for release, but Cat never does, rarely offers herself up so freely, likes to be in complete control, so Kara doesn’t drag it out.

She doesn’t _want_ to drag it out, because she wants nothing more than to remind herself of what Cat feels like around her fingers, and she breathes out a quiet groan against Cat’s skin when she slides her hand between their bodies and beneath Cat’s panties, finds her soaked and wanting. She listens to Cat’s breath catch when Kara’s fingers draw a lazy circle around her clit, thighs already quivering, and Cat tightens her hand in Kara’s hair when she slides first one, then two fingers inside of her, tugging her mouth away from her breasts gently.

“Come here,” she breathes in-between moans as Kara starts to work her fingers inside of her, curling them with every thrust, and Kara allows Cat to pull her upwards, presses their foreheads together as Cat’s leg tightens around her waist, her hips arching to meet every press of Kara’s hand. “Keep looking at me.”

“I love you,” Kara murmurs as she angles her hand to press her thumb against Cat’s clit, admiring the way it makes her back arch, her head tipping back and her eyes fluttering closed. “I love you so much, Cat.” Cat’s hands drop to her shoulders, nails biting into Kara’s skin as she works her fingers faster, pressing deeper, unable to tear her gaze away from Cat’s face, watching her every reaction and committing it to memory, because she never wants to forget what this looks like. “I missed you so much.”

Cat is too far gone to reply, tightening around Kara’s fingers and she moves her thumb in a deliberate circle, watches the way Cat’s lips form her name as she comes, hips arching from the bed as her thighs quake around Kara’s waist, and just the sight of her, the _feel_ of her, back in Kara’s arms after so long, is almost enough to tip her over the edge herself.

She pulls away when Cat’s leg drops back onto the bed, and presses a gentle kiss to her lips, nipping at her bottom lip as she pulls away, watching as Cat’s eyes flutter open to meet hers, palm pressing against Kara’s cheek, and Kara turns her head to press a kiss to the centre of it.

“Sometimes I find it hard to believe that you’re real,” Cat murmurs, voice a little hoarse, and Kara grins and dips down to steal another kiss from her lips.

“I am,” she breathes when they part, and she shudders as Cat’s other hand slips between them, over her stomach and down until she’s cupping her through her underwear, palm pressing against her clit and god, Kara’s pretty sure just a single deliberate touch of Cat’s fingers will be enough to make her come because she knows she’s soaked through her underwear, is already so close just from having Cat pressed against her. “And I’m here.”

“You are.” Cat’s eyes watch her closely as she swipes two fingers across Kara’s sex through her underwear, making her hips jerk against her hand, a breathless gasp escaping her lips, and she’s too overwhelmed by the feeling to notice Cat shifting them, can only blink up at Cat in surprise as she presses Kara back against the mattress and settles on-top of her. “And you’re all mine.”

“Always.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the rating change, my lovelies. The majority of this chapter is definitely /not/ safe for work.

Cat blinks awake whilst it’s still dark and feels a flutter of panic when she turns her head to the side and finds the bed empty, and for one awful, terrible second she thinks that the whole night had been a dream, that Kara had never really come over and told her how much she still loved her, that they hadn’t spent the night wrapped in each other’s arms re-learning one another’s bodies.

But then she hears the creak of a floorboard as the bathroom door opens, spilling light into the room that makes Cat blink, and Kara is padding towards her, completely bare.

“What’s wrong?” She murmurs, seeing the panic that Cat’s too sleepy to blink away before Kara notices, as she’s clambering back into the bed beside her.

“I thought I’d imagined you,” she answers softly, turning her head to look up at Kara as she stretches out on her side, head propped up on one arm whilst the other slips across Cat’s waist. “I thought you were gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she promises, dragging Cat closer to her side, and Cat relaxes against her, feeling more content than she has in months. “You should go back to sleep.”

“Aren’t you?” Cat’s eyes are already slipping closed, because she’d lost count of the number of orgasms Kara had coaxed out of her and she’s _exhausted_ and sated and already knows she’s going to be aching in the morning.

“I will.” Kara’s lips brush against Cat’s forehead in the ghost of a kiss. “Right now I’m just enjoying the view.” Kara had said something similar the first night they’d spent together, Cat waking up more than once during the night, unused to sleeping beside another person, to find Kara gazing down at her like she could barely believe she was real.

Her breathing is quiet by Cat’s ear, comforting in its familiarity, and she lets the sound of it lull her back into the welcome arms of sleep, confident that the warmth of Kara by her side will keep the nightmares at bay.

x-x-x

_“Jesus, Kara,” Cat breathes against the side of her neck as she feels Kara’s thigh rock against her centre and she grinds down against the pressure, moaning into Kara’s skin as it presses against her clit for one blissful second, and Cat thinks she should be embarrassed, that she’s so close to coming just from making out like a couple of teenagers but god, Kara just brings it out in her._

_They’re on Cat’s couch, Carter at his father’s for the night, and both of their shirts had been discarded a long time ago, Cat’s fingers pinching at one of Kara’s nipples in an attempt to get her hips to arch up against her once again._

_The sound of Kara’s groan is music to her ears, and Cat swirls her tongue over Kara’s pulse point before dragging her mouth lower, over her collarbone and down until she’s tugging the cups of her bra down, baring her breasts to Cat’s mouth._

_She sucks a nipple into her mouth as her fingers tease at the other, Kara’s hands in her hair urging her on, tugging just hard enough for Cat to enjoy the sting. Kara’s hips surge up against the thigh between her legs, and Cat lets out a muttered curse as Kara presses against her clit again and wishes it were her fingers, instead._

_Taking things slow might actually be the death of her, because Kara is as hot as sin and the amount of times Cat has found her own hand moving between her legs, long after Kara had gone home, to sate the ache between her thighs she left behind isn’t even funny anymore._

_But Kara is still terrified of hurting her, and Cat is content to wait for her to be ready, even if it kills her._

_“Cat,” Kara breathes her name like a prayer and god, Cat loves the way it sounds coming from her lips when they’re like this, breathless and needy. “I-I think…_ god _.” Her back arches as Cat bites slightly harder than she’d normally dare with another lover, but Kara can handle things more than a little rough and from the noise it tears from her throat she seems to like it that way. “I think I might… I think tonight I might want more.”_

_“More?” Cat raises her head from Kara’s chest, leaning over her and she swallows thickly at the look in Kara’s eyes, pupils blown wide with desire._

_“Y-yeah.” Kara’s voice trembles, but her hands are steady where they rest at Cat’s waist, sliding to play with the zipper of Cat’s skirt to make her meaning clear. “I think I might be ready.”_

_“And you’re not just saying that because you like the way my mouth feels against your skin?” Kara’s cheeks flush, and Cat smirks – the girl is flustered so easily._

_“N-no. I mean – I_ do _like this, very much,” she says in a rush, a tell-tale sign that she’s nervous. “I just… that’s not the reason_ why _I want more. What I mean is - ”_

_“Kara,” Cat cuts her off quietly, shifting so that she’s sitting up, and pulling Kara with her. “Slow down.”_

_“Sorry.” She glances away, and Cat takes her chin in-between her thumb and her index finger to tilt her head back up._

_“I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”_

_“I am ready.”_

_“You’re practically shaking,” Cat replies with a shake of her head, because she can feel Kara trembling in her arms, and she knows it’s not only with anticipation._

_“Because I… I’m still scared of hurting you,” she admits quietly. “But I… I want you.” Her eyes drop to Cat’s mouth, to her heaving chest, and her tongue slides along her bottom lip. “And I think you want me, too.” Cat just smiles, because she knows that_ that _is obvious. “And I think I want to try.”_

_“Are you sure?” Cat frowns, because this seems like a big decision and one she hopes that Kara’s not making in the heat of the moment, but there’s a determination in blue eyes as she nods._

_“I am. Because I love you.” Cat’s smile widens, heart thumping in her chest because she knows she’ll never tire of hearing those three words, not from Kara. “And I’m just… I’m scared of disappointing you.”_

_“You’re not going to disappoint me, Kara.” Far from it – she thinks that just one touch of Kara’s fingers against her will be enough to tip her over the edge. “I promise you that.”_

_“But I don’t know what I’m doing.” She bites at her bottom lip, anxiety swirling in her eyes, and Cat kisses her softly._

_“I’ll talk you through it,” she promises, but not even that seems to assuage her doubts._

_“But what if I’m not good enough?” Cat wants to roll her eyes, because there isn’t a thing on this earth that the girl_ isn’t _good at, but she knows that that would be the wrong response. So instead she reaches for Kara’s hand, ignoring the tiny frown of confusion that forms on her face when Cat tangles their fingers together before she reaches their joined hands beneath her skirt, already rucked halfway up her thighs, and presses Kara’s fingers against her sex through her panties, letting her feel how wet Cat is beneath the soaked fabric._

_“That,” she breathes against Kara’s lips as she tries desperately to keep her hips still, Kara’s breath stuttering against her mouth, “is what you do to me, Kara.” Kara’s fingers twitch against her and Cat can’t help but grind against her, just a little, letting out a little gasp at the way it feels. “I promise you that no matter what you do, it’ll be good enough for me.”_

_Kara’s eyes fill with wonder as she presses against her again, and Cat drops her hold on Kara’s hand, head dropping onto her shoulder as she lets her explore through the lace. It’s torture to keep herself steady as Kara’s fingers find her clit, Cat’s breath hitching at the way it feels, and she digs her own fingertips into Kara’s shoulders, hard enough to bruise were she not unbreakable._

_“Can I… can I take these off?” Kara sounds hesitant as she tugs a little at Cat’s underwear, and Cat thinks she may not survive the first touch of Kara’s fingers against her without the barrier in the way._

_“Yes,” she breathes, heartrate doubling at the thought. “But take me to bed first. I don’t want your first time to be on a couch.” Kara hums in agreement, and then the next thing Cat knows she’s being lifted into the air, letting out an undignified squeak as Kara lifts her effortlessly in her arms, Cat’s legs wrapping around Kara’s waist as she carries her to the bedroom. “A little warning would have been nice,” Cat grumbles against Kara’s ear, and she chuckles lightly as she eases Cat down into the centre of the bed, looking down at her with fond eyes._

_“Do you want me to… to take these off?” Kara’s hands settle at the button of her slacks, uncertainty in her eyes._

_“Only if you want to,” Cat replies, because the last thing she wants is for Kara to feel uncomfortable at any point tonight. “I want you to do what feels right.” Kara nods, and Cat’s brain nearly short-circuits when Kara pops the button and slides the slacks down her long legs to let them pool at her feet, because god, her girlfriend is a fucking superhero and she_ looks _it, she looks absolutely drop-dead gorgeous and Cat thinks she should absolutely ban Kara from wearing any clothes whatsoever in the house ever again._

_She moves to unhook her bra, then, and the sight of Kara wearing only a pair of tiny black boyshorts is definitely something that Cat wants imprinted on her memory for the rest of her life._

_Kara settles herself carefully over Cat and kisses her whilst she’s still dazed from the sight of Kara’s body, bracing her weight on one arm beside Cat’s head whilst the other roams across Cat’s chest, teasing at her nipples with gentle tugs that send shockwaves down to her clit, throbbing between her thighs._

_Kara’s mouth slides down Cat’s neck as she reaches trembling fingers for the zipper of Cat’s skirt, pulling it down gently as she kisses a path down her sternum, and Kara’s other hand flicks open the clasp of her bra. Her back arches as Kara’s tongue swipes across one of her nipples, her fingers tangling in her hair and holding her against her chest, eyes fluttering closed as she surrenders herself to the feeling of Kara’s mouth against her._

_When Kara pushes Cat’s skirt impatiently down her thighs Cat can’t help but let out a tiny whimper, because god, the anticipation of this is killing her, and Kara raises her head as Cat shuffles her legs out of the skirt and pushes it over the side of the bed with her foot, spreading her thighs on either side of Kara’s knees as she slides a hand across Cat’s stomach._

_“You’ll tell me if I do something wrong?” Kara is asking, and Cat is almost too far gone to hear the words. “If I hurt you?”_

_“Yes.” Cat manages to open her eyes as Kara’s fingers dip beneath the waistband of her panties, and she can barely breathe as Kara moves lower – the first tentative touch of her fingers against Cat’s sex has her eyes slamming closed, teeth ensnaring her bottom lip to smother a groan._

_“Don’t,” Kara murmurs, so quietly that Cat thinks she might have imagined it. “I want to hear you,” she says, a little louder, and when Cat’s eyes flicker open again it’s to find Kara watching her reverently._

_“God,” she breathes as Kara’s fingers find her clit, circling experimentally and making Cat’s hips jerk against her, and_ she’s _the one who feels like she’s being touched for the first time, because she’s pretty sure she’s never been this close from so little stimulation before, knows that no-one’s ever affected her as wholly as Kara does with just the lightest of touches._

_Kara explores her with firm touches that make her tremble, cataloguing Cat’s every reaction, both their breathing growing laboured. Cat feels like she’s undergoing the most exquisite kind of torture, every brush of Kara’s fingers against her clit sending her eyes rolling back, and when she grows brave enough to dip a single digit inside of her, Cat’s hips arch against Kara’s hand, her head tipping back against the pillows and she doesn’t think she’s ever felt something quite so perfect._

_“Okay?” Kara asks against the side of her neck as she pulls away before pressing back inside, setting a rhythm that’s entirely too torturously slow for Cat’s liking._

_“Mm, more than okay.” She wraps an arm around Kara’s back to pull her closer, opens her eyes to find her gazing down at Cat with adoration in her eyes. “But try two, and a little harder, I’m not going to break.”_

_“Like this?” Kara obeys, and_ god _, Cat’s never felt anything like it._

_“Yes,” she all but hisses, hips arching to meet every thrust of Kara’s fingers, and she moans when Kara’s mouth settles at her neck, pressing a line of open-mouthed kisses to the skin there, always Cat’s weak spot._

_“You feel so amazing, Cat,” Kara murmurs, breath hot against her skin. “Even better than I imagined it.”_

_“And how often have you imagined this, Kara?” She asks between ragged breaths, wrapping one leg around Kara’s waist to give her a little more leverage – it means that now Kara’s hand is angled so that her palm slides against Cat’s clit with every thrust, and Cat’s back arches at the feeling, thighs beginning to quiver as she feels herself grow closer and closer to the edge, tension thrumming through her entire body and making her toes curl._

_“God, all the time.” Kara’s voice is breathless, husky and laden with desire, her earlier hesitancy long gone. “I always wondered what you’d feel like, what you’d_ look _like.” She lifts her head from Cat’s neck, and she can feel Kara’s eyes scanning across her face but can’t bring herself to open her own. “You’re so beautiful.”_

_Any reply that Cat might have made dies in her throat when Kara presses her fingers deeper, palm pressing against her clit and then she curls her fingers and it’s enough to tip Cat over the edge, breathing out Kara’s name against her mouth as she dips her head to kiss Cat as she comes, trembling against Kara’s body, white spots exploding behind her eyes as her mind goes blank, and Cat can scarcely even remember the last time she came this hard, feels spent and exhausted as Kara works her through the aftershocks._

_“Okay?” Kara asks again when Cat has stopped shaking and when she feels like she can breathe properly again, her heart beating loudly in her ears as she opens her eyes to find Kara gazing down at her with a tiny frown, worrying at her bottom lip._

_“Could you not tell that that was_ more _than okay?” Cat replies, voice still a little shaky as she plays with the short strands of hair at the back of Kara’s neck, making her shiver._

_“I just wanted to check,” she murmurs a little shyly, and Cat lets out a little groan when she shifts to slide her fingers from between her thighs, wiping them surreptitiously on the sheets beside her. “I love you.”_

_“I love you, too.” She leans up to kiss Kara once again, deep and slow, and she lets her other hand slip between them, squeezing one of her breasts gently, thumb teasing at the nipple. “Want me to return the favour?” She asks with an arched eyebrow when their lips part, because she can feel the heat of Kara’s sex against her stomach and she wants nothing more than to feel Kara’s hips rocking against her hand._

_“I… I want that very, very much,” Kara breathes, throat bobbing as she swallows, her eyes so dark that Cat can barely make out any blue. “I’m just a little… I mean I’ve never…” She trails off, earlier bravado gone, and Cat can tell that she wants to hide her head back in Cat’s neck and will this conversation away._

_“You’ve never had an orgasm?” Cat helps her out, and Kara’s cheeks flame red like she can barely believe she’s having this conversation._

_“N-no, I have. But o-only by myself.” Cat’s eyes flutter closed at the mental imagine that_ that _conjures up, and she thinks that one day she just might have to get Kara to demonstrate it for her. “And I think with you it’ll be a lot more… intense a-and I don’t want to hurt you.”_

_“Well, why don’t you tell me if things are getting to be too much, hm?” She lays her hand flat on Kara’s stomach, feels the muscles trembling beneath her fingertips. “And we’ll stop.”_

_“O-okay,” Kara breathes, and Cat hums quietly, drags her hand lower until she’s tugging at the waistband of Kara’s underwear, pushing it down her hips and admiring the sight of her girlfriend laid bare and spread out above her._

_“Just talk to me,” Cat urges as she slips a hand between Kara’s thighs, and her knees tremble as Cat parts her lips and swipes two fingers through her sex, her breath hitching when she feels how wet Kara is beneath her touch._

_“T-that feels good,” she breathes as Cat traces a lazy circle around her clit, already dreaming of doing the same thing with her tongue. Kara’s head falls onto Cat’s shoulder, her breathing loud in her ear, and Cat gives herself a little time to explore, finding all the places that make Kara shudder or her hips jerk or her breath catch._

_She teases at her entrance with a single finger before trailing back up to her clit, over and over again until Kara is trembling above her, whimpering into Cat’s ear._

_“Okay?” It’s Cat’s turn to check in as she teases at Kara’s entrance with a more deliberate touch, and Kara lets out a slightly strangled sound against the side of Cat’s neck._

_“Please, Cat,” she all but pleads in reply, and Cat makes a pleased sound in the back of her throat before sliding into her, unable to stop a moan herself at how amazing Kara feels around her, hot and wet and wanting and god, she thinks she could do this for the rest of her life._

_Kara’s breath comes in sharp pants against the side of Cat’s neck as she begins to work her hand against Kara, letting Kara’s hips set the pace. She adds a second finger when her movements start to get a little more desperate, and Kara nips at her neck in response, hard enough for Cat to let out a breathless moan._

_She tangles her free hand back in Kara’s hair and tugs her into a messy, open-mouthed kiss as she angles her hand so press her thumb against Kara’s clit, and a single touch is enough to make her come, and Cat is distantly aware of the sound of sheets ripping as she feels Kara come undone around her, and she knows that this is something she wants to experience over and over and over again because god, she’s so fucking beautiful like this, blinking down at Cat through hooded eyes, her hair damp with sweat and her cheeks flushed pink, and Cat never wants to leave this bed ever again._

_“That was… I don’t even think I have words for how amazing that was,” Kara murmurs when she’s recovered enough to speak, and Cat smirks as she slips her hand from between Kara’s legs and lifts her fingers to her lips, because she can’t go another second without knowing what Kara tastes like on her tongue._

_Kara’s eyes watch her closely as Cat’s fingers slip between her lips, pupils dilating even further, and Cat groans when Kara ducks her head to kiss her the second she’s sliding her fingers free, tongue dipping into Cat’s mouth to chase the taste of herself._

_“Do you have to be up early in the morning?” Kara asks her when she pulls away, her breathing heavy and her eyes hungry as they run along the length of Cat’s body, hands already pulling Cat’s underwear halfway down her thighs._

_“No,” Cat breathes as Kara shuffles down the length of her body until she’s kneeling between her thighs, yanking Cat’s underwear the rest of the way off and throwing it over her shoulder, and Cat’s muscles tremble when she presses her mouth to the inside of Cat’s thigh._

_“Good.”_

x-x-x

When Cat next wakes, it’s to the feeling of hair whispering over her stomach and strong hands pushing apart her thighs, and her eyes fly open at the first, gentle touch of a tongue against her sex, her hands immediately finding their way into blonde hair as Kara’s tongue swirls against her clit and oh, oh, _oh_ this is definitely the greatest way to wake up in the morning _ever_.

Cat lifts a leg over Kara’s shoulder to draw her closer, and Kara takes the opportunity to slide her hands beneath Cat’s ass, nails digging into the skin and Cat hisses, hips grinding against Kara’s face as she flattens and curls her tongue over her clit over and over again until Cat is a quivering mess beneath her.

Kara tips her over the edge using only her mouth, coaxing her through the aftershocks before she pulls away, pressing a kiss to the inside of Cat’s thigh before crawling her way up Cat’s body, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Mm, what was that for?” Cat asks as she draws Kara into her arms, a little dazed as she opens her eyes to find Kara settling beside her, drawing patterns across the skin of Cat’s stomach with one hand.

“Well, you sounded like you were having the most _delightful_ dream,” Kara’s eyes sparkle, “and I thought you’d be less cranky from me waking you up from it if I did it with my mouth.” Cat can’t exactly argue what that logic.

“I was dreaming about you,” she murmurs, shifting in Kara’s arms so that they’re pressed against one another, sighing happily at the way it feels. “About the first time I took you to bed.”

“That explains all the moaning.” Cat’s eyes narrow into a glare, and Kara grins, ducking her head to kiss it away.

“What time is it?”

“A little after eleven.” Cat’s eyes widen in surprise, because she’d barely slept past nine when she and Kara had been together, and in the past few months she’s lucky if she can make it to seven. “I didn’t want to wake you but Carter’s stomping around out there and he’ll probably want feeding soon.”

“He can look after himself.”

“As much as I’d like to stay in this bed with you all day,” Kara replies with a smile, “I think he’d probably feel a little rejected if we did.” Cat lets out a little huff, but she knows it’s true. “I need to shower,” she says then, lips pressed against Cat’s shoulder. “Want to join me?”

Cat nods, because she’s sure she smells like sex and sweat and her thighs are slick from Kara’s mouth against her, but she doesn’t know if her legs are up to holding her weight, is relieved when her knees don’t buckle when she clambers out of the bed.

She aches in all the right places, a little sore between her thighs from the night before, but she’s far from complaining as she lets Kara drag her into the bathroom and start up the shower. She stands and admires the faint marks that Kara had left on her skin the night before in the mirror while they wait for it to heat up, a lingering reminder of that path her lips and hands had taken across her body.

She shivers as she steps under the spray of the shower, the water hot on her skin, and she sighs in contentment when she feels Kara join her, arms wrapping around Cat’s waist from behind as she presses a kiss against her shoulder.

Cat closes her eyes and leans back against Kara’s chest, thinking that she could stay like this all day. She’d forgotten what it felt to be held, to feel strong arms around her, holding her close. Kara lets go of her only to reach for Cat’s shower gel, and Cat shivers as Kara squeezes some into her hands and slides them over Cat’s skin – her hands are soft and gentle, and her fingertips linger at all the places where Cat is bruised, touch turning apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs against Cat’s ear, chin resting on her shoulder as she traces over the purple imprints of Kara’s fingers at her hips.

“Don’t be,” Cat says in reply, fingers tangling with Kara’s as she draws her arms back around her waist. “I like them.” She turns her head to kiss Kara over her shoulder, catching Kara’s wrist when one of her hands makes to slip between her legs. “God, I don’t think I can.”

“Have I finally worn you out?” Kara teases, before her tongue flicks against the shell of Cat’s ear, making her knees tremble – Kara had been surprised, in the beginning of their relationship, at how insatiable Cat had proved to be.

Thanks to her super stamina, Kara had been the only one of her lovers who was ever able to keep up with her.

“Looks like it.” She still feels boneless from her earlier orgasm, and she can feel Kara smirking proudly against her shoulder.

“I just can’t stop touching you,” she murmurs, twisting her wrist from Cat’s grip and sliding her hand up her stomach to cup one of her breasts, and Cat sags further back against her. “I missed you so much.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kara,” she reminds her, gently – she knows she couldn’t even if she tried. “We’ll have plenty of opportunity to make up for lost time.” She twists in Kara’s arms and presses her back against the tiled shower wall with a hand at her sternum. “I promise you that.”

“Yeah?” Cat only hums as she reaches for the shower gel and lathers up her hands before letting them roam across Kara’s body. She pays particular attention to her breasts, reminding herself of the weight of them in her hands, of the way a particularly sharp tug of her nipples make Kara’s knees go weak.

“Turn around,” Cat orders when she’s decided Kara’s front is sufficiently clean, when Kara’s breathing is echoing loudly in Cat’s ears and she’s trembling beneath every deliberate brush of Cat’s fingers, and Kara groans quietly at the commanding tone of Cat’s voice, turning on her heel and splaying her hands flat on the wall in-front of her as she offers Cat her back.

Cat pours more shower gel into her hands, runs them from Kara’s shoulders and down to the bottom of her back, kneading her hands against the muscles that ripple beneath her touch and making Kara moan.

She drags her nails over Kara’s ass and down over the back of her thighs, and she lets out a whimper, her feet sliding a little further apart as she presses her hips back into Cat’s touch. Cat knows she could tease Kara until she was delirious – she’s done it before and god, seeing Kara so completely broken on her touch is one of the highlights of her life – but she finds that she doesn’t _want_ to, not when Kara is saying her name in a broken whisper, hips shifting restlessly beneath her touch.

She groans when she slips one hand between Kara’s thighs, finding her slick and ready. “I’ve missed this,” Cat breathes into Kara’s ear as she dips two fingers into wet heat, pressing her front against Kara’s back. “Missed how wet you always are for me.” Kara whimpers as Cat drags her fingers from Kara’s entrance and up to her clit, circling once before she’s pressing back inside, Kara clenching around her. “Missed how it feels to be inside you.”

Kara’s forehead presses against the wall as Cat starts to work her fingers at that pace that always makes Kara quiver, her hips shifting to meet every thrust. Cat trails her tongue down the side of Kara’s neck before biting down at the juncture where her neck meets her shoulder, hard. It makes Kara’s hands claw at the wall, back arching as a loud moan leaves her lips.

“Missed the sounds you make.” She presses her fingers deeper, free hand sliding up Kara’s chest, thumb teasing at a nipple as Kara moans again. “Missed the way you say my name.”

“ _Cat_ ,” she all but whines, and Cat smirks against Kara’s neck as she presses an open-mouthed kiss there, feeling Kara’s pulse racing beneath her lips, and she rewards Kara by pressing her thumb against her clit.

“Missed the taste of your skin.” She drags her tongue up Kara’s neck to her ear, taking her earlobe between her teeth gently. “Missed the way you look when you come.” Kara groans when Cat circles her clit lightly, her hips jerking at the contact, desperately trying to draw Cat’s fingers deeper. “Missed the way you _feel_ when you come.”

Kara whimpers, and Cat adds a third finger on her next thrust, thumb pressing hard against her clit, and Kara shudders around her, breathing Cat’s name when she comes, Cat’s hungry eyes taking in every expression that flashes across her face as she eases Kara down from orgasm, slipping her fingers free when she stops shaking.

“I love you,” she murmurs into her ear, and Kara can only hum in response, too far gone to be able to form words. “And I’ll be over here when you recover,” she adds with a smirk, leaning her head back under the now cooling water and reaching for her shampoo.

She opens her eyes once she’s rinsed her hair to find Kara watching her, still leaning against the wall but facing her now, and she reaches out a hand and tugs Kara towards her, pouring some more shampoo into her hands before running it through Kara’s hair. She groans when Cat’s nails scrape across her scalp, and Cat has to shake her head to clear it as the sound sends a pulse of heat straight between her thighs, because they must have been in here for close to an hour now, and Cat thinks she’s neglected her son enough for one day.

She shuts the water off when Kara’s hair is clear of bubbles, letting her steal one last, lingering kiss before wrapping herself in a towel and handing Kara another, padding back into her bedroom. She can feel Kara’s eyes on her when she lets the towel drop to her feet and reaches for some clean underwear, but she’s relieved that she makes no move to touch her because honestly, if she did Cat’s not entirely sure she’d be able to tear herself away again.

“Can I borrow some clothes?” Kara asks once Cat has tugged on a bra and is searching for the sweatpants Kara had peeled off her the previous night.

“Mm, I suppose I can allow that. Even if I do prefer you naked.”

“I think Carter might object to that,” Kara points out, eyes sparkling.

“Oh, you wouldn’t be allowed to leave this room, of course.”

“So that’s all I’m good for, huh?” Kara teases, and Cat finds herself smiling more easily than she has in months. “As a permanent sex slave?”

“No,” Cat shakes her head, smirking. “That’s just one of your many, many good points.” She turns back to her underwear drawer and tries to decide what she’ll enjoy seeing Kara in the most later – she decides on the lacy black thong that she only brings out on special occasions, flinging it over her shoulder whilst she tugs on a shirt and some sweats, humming appreciatively when she turns and finds Kara wearing the thong and nothing else.

“What?” Kara asks with a raised eyebrow, shifting a little uncomfortably under the heavy weight of Cat’s gaze.

“Just admiring the view.”

“You can admire it from a little closer, you know.”

“That would be a bad idea.” She scans her eyes one last time over Kara’s body, memorizing the sight for later, before she stoops to pick up the bra she’d all but ripped off of Kara’s back the night before, holding it out to her balanced on a single finger. “I think you still have sweats in that drawer,” she nods towards it, still nervous of the sight of it even though things had changed between them – there’s still a tiny part of her that’s terrified that it’s not going to last.

“Hey,” Kara murmurs, dropping the bra onto the bed as she sees the look in Cat’s eyes, taking a step closer until she can take Cat’s hands between her own and pull her close. “I’m not going anywhere,” she continues, her eyes never leaving Cat’s face. “I know that it’s going to take a while before you believe me after what I did, but I’ll spend every single minute of every single day proving it to you if that’s what it takes, okay? I’m here.” She squeezes Cat’s hands gently. “And I love you. And none of the things I said last night have changed in the light of day.”

“You’re not going to run away the first chance you get?” Cat hates how her voice wavers with her insecurity, hates that Kara brings out this weakness in her, but Kara’s never once teased her for it.

“No,” Kara promises with a shake of her head. “I meant everything I said, Cat. I want to try again. And I know I’ll never be able to make the past few months up to you, but I want to at least try. That is…” Kara trails off, her eyes turning hesitant. “That is if you want me to. If you trust me enough to let me back in.”

“Kara, you never _left_.” She’d always been there in Cat’s heart, will be until the day she dies. “And I meant everything I said last night, too. But you need to stop feeling so guilty.” She can still see it there, shining in Kara’s eyes, felt it, sometimes, in the way her mouth and hands had moved across Cat’s body the previous night. “Otherwise I fear we’ll never be able to move past it.”

“I’ll try.” Cat nods, leaning up to brush their lips together. It’s brief, and chaste – a promise, between the two of them, a commitment to the love that they’d always shared. They break apart when there’s a tentative knock at the door, Carter’s voice echoing through the wooden door.

“Mom? Kara? I made you guys some pancakes, if you can tear yourselves apart long enough to come out and eat them.” Kara looks mortified but Cat only shakes her head, because that boy is getting cheekier and cheekier with every passing day, and Cat is blaming it all on Kara being a bad influence.

“We’ll be there in a second,” she answers, and Carter grunts before stomping loudly away. “I’ll leave you to get dressed,” Cat murmurs before pressing one last kiss to Kara’s lips and making her way out of her room and down the hall.

She finds Carter in the kitchen, a stack of pancakes in the middle of the counter and three plates set out – one in-front of him, one at Cat’s usual seat, and one at the seat that had been Kara’s when she’d lived here.

He glances up when he hears her and squints at her for several long moments, studying her expression closely, and Cat waits for him to speak as she folds herself into the stool beside him and pulls a pancake onto her plate, ravenous from all the energy she’s burned over the past few hours. Even though Carter’s more than doubled the usual recipe to account for Kara’s appetite, Cat isn’t sure the huge stack will be enough to fulfil the other woman whenever she makes an appearance.

“Are you guys back together?” Carter asks eventually, still watching her carefully, and Cat sets down her fork as she turns her head to meet his gaze.

“Yes.” He nods once, slowly, some uncertainty in his gaze. “Is that okay with you?”

“I… think so,” he replies eventually, eyes flickering to stare at the countertop in-front of him. “I _want_ that for you guys, and it’d be cool to have Kara around again.”

“But?” Cat prompts, sensing there’s more he wants to say.

“But I just… don’t want you to get hurt again.” He says it quietly, eyes still on the marble, and Cat sighs quietly, because she hates that he’s been so affected by all of this. In the past, she’d been so careful to keep her romantic life separate from him, ensured that if she ever had anyone spend the night, they were in and out before Carter managed to catch a glimpse of them.

And that had been fine, because it had never been serious enough for them to meet her son. But then she’d met Kara, and everything had changed. She’d fallen in love, and she knew that Carter already loved her, too. And it had been terrifying, to take that step with someone, to introduce someone to her son as her girlfriend, but for the first time, Kara had made her want that.

Kara had made her want to extend her family, and she knows that Kara’s departure had had an awful effect on Carter, too.

“ _I_ don’t want to get hurt again,” he whispers, even more quietly, and Cat hears a choked noise come from the direction of the hallway and snaps her head up to see Kara hovering, wearing one of Cat’s shirts along with her sweats, tears glistening in her eyes and she knows that she’s heard every word that they’ve said.

“I know, sweetheart,” Cat murmurs, Carter not having noticed Kara’s arrival yet, though she supposes he might have known that she was listening out of sight. “And it’s okay to be worried about that. And if you’re uncomfortable with us getting back together - ”

“I’m not,” Carter rushes out, lifting his head and jumping slightly when he catches a glimpse of Kara out of the corner of his eye. “I’m not,” he repeats when he manages to tear his gaze away from Kara, re-focusing on his Mom. “I just… want to make sure you’re being careful, I guess.”

“I am,” she promises him, though she has to wonder if she truly is – she’s always been reckless when it comes to Kara. She’d been reckless to fall for her in the first place, even more so to pursue a relationship, reckless to love her, and reckless with her own sanity when she’d left.

But Kara made her _feel_ something, for the first time in years, since her love for her ex had withered and died just around the time he’d started fucking half the women in National City, and Cat thinks that it was worth it all, to feel that happiness that made her heart flutter whenever Kara smiled at her with those sparkling eyes.

“I promise.” She squeezes Carter’s hand and he manages a small smile before he nods, letting it go – for now. She suspects that he and Kara will be having a conversation, sooner rather than later, but Cat thinks, as she hears Kara’s stomach rumble at the smell of food, that it can at least wait until after breakfast. “You can sit down, you know,” Cat calls, because she knows Kara won’t move without Cat’s invitation, not when she’s still blinking away tears in the wake of the Grant’s conversation. “I’m not going to eat all of these by myself.”

Kara hesitates, for one brief second, looking like she’d rather bolt, instead. Cat knows that this can’t be easy for her, trying to insert herself back into their lives again, knows that there will be a few stumbling blocks before they can even get close to where they used to be.

But eventually Kara moves, taking a single step forward and then another, until she’s perching on the stool opposite Cat, taking several pancakes from the plate in the middle when Cat nudges it slightly towards her.

She’s always been fascinated watching Kara eat – the girl can scarf down more food than a small army, sometimes, Cat is sure – and today is no exception. She devours at least seven pancakes in the time it takes Cat to finish her first, and she waits for Cat to take a second before she starts on the remaining five.

“Thanks for the food, kid,” Kara offers, a little tentatively, and Carter shrugs though Cat sees his back straighten a little in pride. “Can I… maybe talk to you for a minute?” She shoots a glance towards Cat like she’s asking for permission, but Cat knows it’s not hers to give, pointedly turns her back as she hops from the stool and begins to clear their plates away.

“Okay.” Carter moves to shuffle down the hallway, but Kara pulls him into the living room, instead, and Cat feels a flash of gratitude, knowing that it’s because she wants Cat to overhear every word like Kara had earlier. “What is it?”

“I know you must have some… doubts,” Kara begins, choosing her words very carefully, and Cat pauses in her loading of the dishwasher to watch them, Carter sitting on the couch and Kara standing up in-front of him, wringing her hands. “About your Mom and I.”

“I have some doubts about you,” he replies bluntly, and both Cat and Kara wince. “I know I said I wanted you to come back and I _want_ you guys to get back together, I _do_ , but I don’t… I don’t want you to leave again. I don’t want to have to watch my Mom try to put herself back together again the next time you decide that you’ve had enough.”

“And I understand that, Carter.” Kara drops to her knees so that the two of them are almost at eye-level – Carter’s still got a couple of inches on her, just as if they were both standing. “Hell, I don’t blame you. Leaving your Mom – leaving _you_ – was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I know I’ll regret it for as long as I live.”

Kara’s voice is quiet but sure, and Cat finds herself transfixed as she listens to her, Kara’s focus completely on Carter and giving Cat the chance to stare, to cast her eyes over the curve of her jaw, the sharp angle of her cheekbones, and the honesty swirling in those baby blues.

“And what’s to stop you leaving again?”

“Me,” Kara answers, voice steady. “I’m not planning on going anywhere. And I know it’ll take both of you,” she lifts her eyes once, briefly, to lock with Cat’s before her focus returns to Carter. “A little time to believe that, and that’s okay. I’m prepared to prove it to you, and I know the only way to do that _is_ with time. But I… I still love your Mom, Carter. She’s the most important person in my life, and you are a really close second. And I’m so sorry I hurt you, for what I put you both through and maybe words aren’t enough for you to believe me but I have no intention of going anywhere soon, okay? I want to move back to this city and I want to win your trust back and most importantly… one day I want to marry your Mom.”

Cat’s breath catches, and she knows Kara hears it when her lips twitch into a small smile, though her eyes never leave Carter’s face.

“I asked your permission to ask her to be my wife before, and one day I’m going to ask you again. And there are a lot of things I can’t promise either of you, because things change and people change, and I don’t know what things will be like in five years but… I can promise that I’ll be here, for as long as you both want me. I’ll love you, for as long as I’m able. I left you once, and I know I’ll never, ever, be able to make up for it, but maybe I can heal some of the scars, if you’ll let me try.”

“You really want to come back?”

“Yeah, buddy. I mean, as long as that’s okay with you. Your Mom will kick me out on my ass if it makes you unhappy.” Carter’s answer is to almost bowl Kara over with a hug – would have, if not for the super strength – and her laughter is delighted as she wraps her arms around him and hugs him back.

Cat watches them and realises her eyes are fogging with yet more tears, and she quickly blinks them away, turning to finish loading the dishwasher and switching it on, jumping slightly when she turns to find Kara standing behind her, one hip resting against the counter.

“You okay?” She asks when she meets Cat’s gaze, eyes scanning over her face, and Cat smiles as she steps forwards and into the circle of Kara’s arms as they immediately wrap around her waist, as though she’s afraid Cat will float away if she doesn’t touch her.

Cat feels the same as she lets her own arms sling low over Kara’s hips, clasping her hands behind her back.

“Never been better,” she answers quietly, because her heart feels so full of love that she’s almost afraid it might burst. “How about you?”

“I think it’s going to take me months to win Carter back over, but yeah, I’m okay.”

“He loves you,” Cat reminds her, and when she glances towards him over Kara’s shoulder, she sees him watching them with a soft smile on his face – that promptly disappears when he notices his mother’s stare, dropping back down over the side of the couch. “You’ve already won him over.”

“Yeah but I’m not gonna be his favourite Mom anymore.”

“Good,” Cat replies, with a smug grin – Kara had gotten to be the fun parent, because she was shiny and new and a truly awful disciplinarian, and Cat had liked to grumble about it a lot. “Because I did not spend eleven hours in labour to be relegated to second best.” Kara shudders delicately at the thought, and Cat smirks. “If you want another baby, Supergirl,” she adds, watching Kara’s spine stiffen slightly, eyeing Cat a little warily. “You’d better get used to that thought, because _you’ll_ be the one popping it out.”

“You’d still want that?” Kara asks, a little breathlessly, her eyes wide as she looks down at Cat, who merely shrugs.

“Maybe one day,” she answers quietly, glancing over towards where Carter lounges, wondering if she has the strength (or the patience) to add another life to their family. “When we’re married,” Kara’s lips twitch into a smile, and Cat feels an answering one spread across her face at the thought, because once upon a time that had been her dream – to stand at the end of an aisle and have her breath taken away as Kara was walked towards her. “Before I get too old.”

And maybe they _are_ moving too fast, jumping back into things too soon, because there is still a long way for them to go to get back what they’d lost, but Cat thinks, as a brilliant smile flashes across Kara’s face before she scoops her into an enthusiastic kiss that has Carter groaning in exasperation, that it doesn’t matter.

Because Kara makes her reckless, leaves her breathless, and there isn’t a thing Cat would do to change it.


	9. Chapter 9

“Oh, would you look at that.” Alex’s dry voice greets Kara as she walks into Noonan’s at midday on Monday morning, a happy bounce to her step as she strides over to the table where Lucy and her sister sit. “You _are_ alive.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Kara replies as she slips into a seat and reaches for the coffee that’s waiting for her. “I told you where I was.”

“Uh, no,” Alex disagrees, with a shake of her head. “You told me Saturday night that you were going over to Cat’s, and then I got a text saying ‘not coming home tonight, sorry’ and _then_ radio silence until Sunday morning.”

“Well, I was kinda busy.” Kara can’t help but let a tiny smirk pull at the corners of her mouth because god, what a night _that_ had been. She’d lost count of the number of times she’d felt Cat come undone against her, and her against Cat, had spent most of the night after Cat had collapsed, sweaty and sated beside her, watching the other woman sleep, barely able to believe what had happened, that she had Cat back in her arms again.

She’d been terrified that if she closed her eyes, even for just a second, Cat would disappear.

She’d been slightly better last night, managed to catch a handful of hours sleep whilst wrapped around Cat, an arm around her waist and their hands joined and pressed against Cat’s heart, the thud of it and the quiet sound of Cat’s breathing lulling Kara to sleep just as it always had done.

“Oh, gross,” Alex mutters, lip curling in distaste, while Lucy looks _delighted_. “You guys are back together, then?” Kara nods, and Alex smiles while Lucy lets out a little screech that almost hurts even Kara’s ears.

“Tell me _everything_.” She tells them _most_ of it – sparing her sister from hearing anything about the night she and Cat had spent tangled together in her bed, Lucy listening intently, completely enraptured, and both of them are smiling by the time Kara finishes, her happiness infectious. “Well, I for one, am glad that the two of you managed to sort your shit out. If only for completely selfish reasons because it means I can have my best friend back,” Lucy beams, and Kara can’t contain a grin. “You are coming back, right?”

“Yeah, I am.” She and Cat had spent one of their recovery periods between bouts of lovemaking (they did have a _lot_ to catch up on) talking about it the night before, working out the logistics of Kara fitting back into Cat’s life. “Would it be okay if I stayed with you a little longer, Alex? I can look for my own place if you want - ”

“Don’t be stupid, Kara,” Alex interrupts her with a warm smile. “You can stay with me for as long as you want.” Kara shoots her a grateful look, and then sticks her tongue out at Alex’s next words. “Besides, I’m sure it won’t be long before you’ve moved back in with Cat, anyway. I’ll be surprised if you can separate yourselves long enough for you to crawl back to my place even once a week.”

“We are not _that_ bad!” She defends, and both Alex and Lucy shoot her a disbelieving look.

“Oh, you _so_ are,” Alex replies with a wry shake of her head. “The amount of times I have seen and or heard things that I would rather have gone my whole life without?”

“Yeah, even I’ve walked in on you guys before,” Lucy says, nodding her head. “More than once. Totally hot, by the way,” she adds, and then it’s Alex’s turn to make a face. “But yeah, you’re kinda… handsy. It’s cute.”

“It is _not_ ,” Alex mutters, and Kara glares at them both. “It is emotionally and mentally scarring.”

“You just need to find a hot girlfriend of your own, Alex,” Lucy interjects, helpfully. “Then you can get your own back.” Alex looks thoughtful, and Kara grimaces – maybe she _should_ try and keep things with Cat a little more private then she has in the past.

But then, Cat is _hot_ and when Cat’s insistent hands are on her, Kara starts to forget all about why it would be a bad idea to slip her hands beneath Cat’s skirt in the bathroom at a restaurant… or in the spare room during games night.

It’s all Cat’s fault.

She’s a terrible influence.

(And god, does she love it).

“Can we move away from the topic of my love life, now?” Kara asks then, suddenly desperate to change the subject – Lucy pouts, but Alex looks grateful.

“But it’s so interesting.”

“You’re getting married in five days, Luce,” Kara points out. “I think _that’s_ pretty interesting.”

“No, it’s not,” she replies, scrunching up her nose. “Wedding planning is boring. Don’t ever get married, Kara. Or if you _do_ , elope somewhere tropical and save yourself the stress.” Kara laughs at the slightly miserable expression on Lucy’s face. “But you have to take me with you,” she warns, “I am very invested in this relationship of yours.”

“Yeah, and I have no idea _why_.”

“Because you guys have that crazy, stupid, once-in-a-lifetime true love!” She answers, and Alex is pressing her lips together to try not to laugh at Lucy’s earnestness, whilst Kara just looks at her slightly alarmed (and also wondering if her coffee is spiked with something other than just caffeine). “I’ve always known it. Ever since I first saw Cat- _so_ -not-subtle-Grant checking you out during staff meetings. And ever since I noticed how _you_ turned into a blushing, stuttering mess around her, _especially_ whenever she ‘accidentally’,” Lucy draws exaggerated air quotes, “touched you. God, you were so obvious.”

“Were not,” Kara mutters, a little sullenly, because she and Cat had kept things quiet for months before telling anyone – Lucy included. “I managed to convince you that I’d never act on my crush even when I was secretly dating her.”

“Oh, please,” Lucy scoffs with a little shake of her head. “You weren’t fooling me. I saw all those little secret smiles that you shared when you thought no-one was watching. I saw her face whenever Supergirl was on the news. I saw the bounce in your step the nights after you were _mysteriously_ unreachable for several hours but Supergirl was nowhere in sight. I knew the whole freaking time, Kara.”

“But… you… you didn’t say anything!”

“Because I was pretty sure you were both terrified of commitment or, you know, admitting that you were actually _dating_ , so I kept my mouth shut. I should win an Oscar for that performance, honestly.” Alex snickers at the stunned look on Kara’s face as she blinks at her friend across the table. “You’re terrible at keeping secrets, Kara,” she says then, not unkindly as she pats Kara’s hand sympathetically, “just accept it. I swear, it’s a miracle the whole of National City hasn’t figured out your identity by now.”

“Not _that_ many people know,” she defends.

“Just literally everyone you know,” Alex chips in, with an exasperated shake of her head.

“That’s not _that_ many people!”

“Eh, it’s enough.” Kara just narrows her eyes at her sister over the table, and she just grins back in reply. “It’s nice to see you so happy again, Kara,” she says after a moment of brief silence, Kara taking the opportunity to take another sip of her coffee. “You’re practically glowing.”

“That’s probably just all the orgasms Cat’s given her in the last twenty-four hours, to be fair,” Lucy adds with a smirk, and Alex groans as Kara’s cheeks flame red in embarrassment. “What?” She defends, glancing between the two sisters. “We all know it’s true. Look at that face. That is a face that’s spent many hours - ”

“Okay, let’s stop you there, Luce,” Kara cuts in quickly, because she’s well aware of how explicit Lucy can get sometimes and the only person Kara is remotely comfortable hearing _that_ sort of stuff from is Cat. “Wedding. Let’s talk about the wedding.”

“Are you bringing Cat?” Lucy asks, and Kara shrugs.

“I mean, I haven’t properly asked her, but yeah, I assume so.”

“That means I’m going to be the only bridesmaid without a date,” Alex groans. “You let me down, Kara. You let me down.”

“We can find you a date!” Lucy all but squeals, and Alex looks terrified. “Just tell me what your type is, and I’ll find you someone perfect. Oh, James has this really cute friend - ”

“I’m good,” Alex cuts her off, looking mortified.

“Hey, don’t knock my matchmaking skills.” Lucy looks offended, pouts a little as she glances at Alex. “Just look at Cat and Kara now.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure you had nothing to do with us getting together,” Kara has to point out, and Lucy just rolls her eyes.

“Oh, please, would you have ever found the balls to kiss Cat if I hadn’t tried to egg you on?” Kara’s pretty sure she would have – Lucy’s constant investment in her crush had terrified her, more than helped her. “ _And_ the only reason you’re back in the city – and therefore the only reason you’ve managed to get over yourselves and reconnect – is because of _my_ wedding.” Well, Kara supposes she has a point there – kind of. She’s still not responsible for them actually getting back together, though. “I expect you to thank me in the speech at _your_ wedding.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

“I expect a thank you, too,” Alex pipes up, adding more when Kara just raises an eyebrow. “Oh, come on. You never would have gone to Cat on Saturday night if we hadn’t had that little talk.”

“I probably would have eventually,” Kara hedges, because she doesn’t know how much longer she could have gone, seeing Cat almost every day, before her resolve had cracked. She doesn’t know if she would have been able to leave National City again, to leave Cat behind after reconnecting. Wonders how long it would have taken her to come crawling back, to wind up at Cat’s door and tell her that she was sorry she’d ever left in the first place.

“Yeah, _eventually_. We all knew that,” Alex says with a small roll of her eyes. “But I saved you an extra few months of pining, so you’re welcome.”

“What do you mean, we all knew that?” Kara questions, eyes narrowing.

“I _mean_ that it was obvious to us all that you and Cat were inevitable.” Lucy nods along to Alex’s words. “And you would’ve ended up back together eventually.”

“You really think that?”

“Duh,” Lucy adds, looking at Kara like she’s an idiot. “Like I said before – you guys have that crazy, once-in-a-lifetime kind of true love. That’s not something you just… get over. We were just waiting for your stubborn ass to come around.” Kara makes a face, and Lucy grins. “Oh, crap,” she says then as she glances down at her phone, realising the time. “I need to go, I have a meeting in like ten minutes and if I’m late I’m pretty sure Cat will fire me.”

“Nah, she likes you too much.”

“She does?” Lucy looks touched, and it’s Kara’s turn to grin as she nods. “I’m flattered.”

“Don’t tell her I said that though,” Kara warns. “She might kill me.”

“You’re too cute to kill.” Lucy gathers up her phone and her bag and presses a kiss to both Alex’s and Kara’s cheeks before she heads for the door, leaving the two sisters alone.

“You okay?” Alex asks, and Kara’s answering smile makes Alex’s eyes sparkle. “Good. Just don’t fuck it up again.”

“I’m not planning on it.” She means it, too, because now that she knows what it feels like to live a life without Cat in it, she doesn’t want to feel that way ever again. It’s like she’s lived the last few months in muted, dark colours, her misery tinting her view of the world, but now… now it’s like everything is in bright, explosive colours. “Trust me.”

“Good.” Alex looks almost as happy as Kara feels, and Kara knows it’s because she’s hated the past few months almost as much as she had. “I’m glad you’re coming back. I’ve missed you.” She hadn’t voiced it aloud, hadn’t wanted to make Kara feel any guiltier than she had already, but it had always been there in Alex’s eyes whenever they’d Skyped, in her voice whenever Kara had called.

“Yeah, I missed you, too. You’ll be sick of me soon, though. Waiting to get rid of me.”

“You and I _both_ know that I’m probably never going to see you,” Alex replies with a pointed look, and Kara can’t quite prevent a blush. “And besides, I could never get sick of you. We spent four years growing up in the same bedroom, Kara. I think we can handle sharing an apartment.”

“You really don’t mind?”

“Of _course_ not.” Alex’s eyes are as warm as her smile, and Kara feels her heart clench happily. “I love having you around, you know that. What are you doing about your job? Your apartment?”

“Cat already told me last week that the Tribune will take me back in a heartbeat. I think Lois was kinda not expecting me to come back to work, anyway.” She remembers the wry look in her eyes when Kara had told her that she was taking two weeks off before the wedding. “I called to give my boss my weeks’ notice this morning.” Alex raises an eyebrow, and Kara eyes her warily. “What? You think I’m moving too fast?”

It’s something she’d worried about, just a little, when she’d pushed Cat backwards through her balcony door and into bed just two days ago. But it feels too _right_ , too much like she’s coming home for her to want to slow things back down, and the thought of going back to Metropolis and the Daily Planet, even if only briefly was… unthinkable.

She’d left because there was nothing left for her in National City, but now there was _everything_ , and Kara didn’t want to waste a second waiting.

“Do _you_?” Alex counters, propping her elbow on the table and resting her chin in the palm of her hand, watching Kara closely.

“No,” she answers immediately with a small shake of her head.

“Does Cat?”

“She… tried to talk me out of quitting.” Cat’s eyes had never left Kara’s face as she’d spoken to her boss earlier that morning, Cat almost two hours late to start her day because she hadn’t quite been able to tear herself away from the comfort of Kara’s arms. “But I… I took that job because it was there, and it was something that I could do. Something familiar, to focus on when everything else was spinning out of control but I don’t… I don’t have any loyalty to it. To any of the people I worked with there. Not like I did at CatCo. And I’ve spent six months in hell, without Cat and now I have her back I… I don’t want to be a whole city away from her. It’s too much distance.” Which is why she’d gone there in the first place, never once thinking that one day she’d be desperate to leave. “And you never answered the question.”

“It doesn’t matter what I think, Kara,” Alex tells her gently. “It only matters what _you_ do. And you sound like you’ve thought about it a lot, and as long as you’re happy then so am I, you know that.” Kara smiles, because Alex always knows what to say to soothe her tumultuous thoughts. “Do you need a ride back to Metropolis to pick up some more of your stuff? I can probably borrow a car from the DEO. We can roadtrip it.”

“Oh, um, I kind of…”

“Already asked Cat?” Alex finishes for her, with a wry smile as Kara looks at her guiltily. “It’s cool. I see where I stand.”

“She just wanted to see what my apartment was like,” Kara says in a rush. “And you’ve already been and I figured you’d be busy and - ”

“And you want some time alone with Cat away from Carter?” She teases, and Kara flushes red. “I’m just kidding, Kara, you don’t need to defend yourself to me.”

“Well that’s good because… we were kind of wondering whether you’d want to watch Carter for the night?” Alex’s smile brightens, Kara knowing that she’d fallen in love with the kid almost as much as she had, had loved being the fun aunt that Carter had never had before.

“Yeah, I’d love to. When are you going?”

“Wednesday.”

“Okay,” Alex says with a nod. “At Cat’s place or mine?”

“Wherever you want,” Kara shrugs, because she knows Carter will be fine with either – not that they’ve broken the news to him yet. Alex’s phone buzzes and she glances down at it, letting out a soft sigh when she reads the message.

“Duty calls.”

“Anything you need help with?” Kara is quick to ask, but Alex just shakes her head.

“You’re supposed to be holding back,” she reminds her sister gently, and Kara knows it’s going to take her a while to get used to that – if she ever can. It’ll be a work in progress, she knows, but something she’s more than willing to work on. “I’ll see you at home later?”

“Mhm. Be careful.”

“Always am.” Kara stands to hug Alex before she leaves, and when she’s gone she finishes the rest of her forgotten coffee and orders a burger, whilst she’s there. When she’s finished she goes to the counter and orders a latte to go before making the familiar journey down the street to CatCo.

She doesn’t feel the same dread that had swirled in her gut the last time she’d set foot in this building, only feels buoyant as she steps into the elevator and presses the button for Cat’s floor. She finds her girlfriend on her phone at her desk, annoyed expression on her face as she rubs at her temples.

Finding Winn’s desk empty, Kara heads straight for Cat’s office – and is promptly stopped in her tracks by a guy that practically leaps from his seat at what had been Kara’s desk, once upon a time, to stand between her and Cat’s door.

“You can’t go in there,” he tells her, trying to look imposing but there’s a terrified look in his eyes that makes Kara smile because it reminds her of how she had felt, those first few weeks of working under Cat.

“Trust me when I say I can,” she murmurs in reply, but he shakes his head vehemently.

“The last time I let a guy in there without asking if it was okay first, she yelled at me for ten minutes.” His voice is a whisper, and he glances over his shoulder fearfully as though Cat might be about to advance through it.

“She’ll want to see me,” Kara assures him, moving to step past him – and is a little impressed when he blocks her path again.

“I’m sorry, but I really need this job. And I know she hasn’t kept an assistant for longer than three weeks for like, half a year, but I’m not planning on getting fired on my first day. So you can stand there and wait until she’s done on the phone.” His voice wavers but he manages to project an air of authority, and Kara smiles.

“I like you. What’s your name?”

“Uh, Brandon?” He says it like it’s a question, looking confused by Kara’s sudden scrutiny.

“Want to know how to last as Cat Grant’s assistant, Brandon?” She asks him, watching him squint at her uncertainly before he gives her a hesitant nod. “Okay, well first of all - ”

“Brendan!” Cat yells from behind them before Kara can actually give him any advice, and she watches the way his eyes widen in alarm before he scuttles away and into Cat’s office, Kara chuckling as she follows behind him. “Why the hell are you blocking my doorway like a goddamn security guard?”

“Because… you… told me to?”

“Not when you’re blocking my girlfriend,” Cat answers coolly, and Kara presses her lips together to hide a smile as his eyes widen every further, gaze travelling between the two of them. “In the future, you let Kara in here without question, understood?”

“Y-yes ma’am.”

“Oh dear,” Kara murmurs under her breath, as she watches Cat’s eyes flash dangerously.

“ _Never_ call me that again, Brendan,” she all but hisses, and Kara watches the poor guy flinch before he frantically nods his head. “Get out.”

“I’ll give you those tips later,” Kara calls as he scurries past her, shaking her head when she turns her gaze to Cat. “I thought we talked about you trying to be kinder to your assistants?”

“I have no issue with that when they’re actually _competent._ ” Kara can read the stress in Cat’s body even without her saying a word, inclines her head towards the balcony with a raised eyebrow, smiling when Cat is quick to push away from her desk and through the glass door.

“I like him,” Kara shrugs as she joins her outside, tilting her glasses upwards to blast Cat’s coffee with her heat vision. “He has potential. I can work with potential.” She hands the latte over to Cat, wrapping her hands around her waist when she takes it from her.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” Kara murmurs, breath rustling Cat’s hair. “You’ll be in a much better mood at home if you’re not screaming at your assistant every hour of every day. It’s for purely selfish reasons, I assure you.” Cat just hums, lifting her latte to her lips and letting out a little sigh as she swallows.

“It’s just never the same as it is when it’s from you.”

“That probably has a little something to do with the heat vision.”

“Can you not train Brendan to do that, too?” Kara chuckles, tightening her hold on Cat’s waist and breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

“I don’t think so.”

“Pity.” Cat sets her coffee down on the thin ledge beneath the balcony railing before turning in Kara’s arms, sliding a hand behind her neck to bring her lips down against Cat’s, and Kara hums happily as Cat parts her lips, tastes the coffee on her tongue. “Mm, give me one good reason why I shouldn’t let you fly us home right now,” Cat murmurs when their lips part, a slight flush on her cheeks as her fingers play with the wispy strands of hair at the back of Kara’s neck that have escaped from her ponytail.

“Because you have a job,” Kara tells her, as her nose skims along Cat’s cheek before she presses a tender kiss to the corner of her jaw. “And we’ve spent many, many hours in bed together already the past two days and I don’t want you to get bored of me.”

“I could never get bored of touching you,” Cat whispers, a little breathlessly, her other hand sliding from Kara’s shoulders and to her chest, palming at one of her breasts through the thin material of her shirt. “Ever.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm.” Cat kisses her again, nipping at her bottom lip hard enough for Kara to feel the sting. “Thank you for making today a little more bearable.”

“Rough day?”

“You have no idea,” Cat mutters, her eyes flashing with something dark, and Kara feels a flash of sympathy for whoever is going to endure her wrath later in the afternoon.

“I’ll spend the afternoon teaching _Brandon_ ,” she stresses the name, knowing Cat knows the right one – she rolls her eyes, but doesn’t say a word. “So he doesn’t make things even worse. And then…” She trails off, letting her hands run over Cat’s hips and down over her thighs, slipping her fingertips just beneath the hem of her skirt and digging her nails in lightly. “When we get home tonight, I’ll make you forget all about it.”

“Promise?” Cat shudders as Kara drags her fingers a little higher before she’s pulling away, smoothing Cat’s skirt down as she goes.

“I promise.” Cat smiles softly before leaning on her tiptoes to kiss Kara one last time, reluctance in her eyes as she pulls away. “I love you,” Kara reminds her, and Cat’s smile widens. Kara presses a kiss to Cat’s cheek before she relinquishes her hold on Cat’s waist, handing her girlfriend her latte before she clicks her way back into her office on her killer heels.

Kara spends a few minutes enjoying the feeling of the sunlight on her skin, listening to the sounds of the city buzzing below her. After a while she turns so that her back rests against the railing, hands spread out on either side of her as she watches Cat pacing in her office, unable to fight a smile as she watches her prowl.

Cat exudes power as she stalks between her two couches, phone pressed to her ear and glasses perched on her nose, and Kara had always found her at her most attractive when she was like this, so completely and utterly in control.

Cat’s eyes flicker over to her, and she smirks as Cat swallows thickly at the look in Kara’s eye, her heart starting to pound in her chest as she reacts to her expression, before she’s shaking her head and turning away.

When she hangs up the phone she makes her way back over to Kara, leaning her shoulder against the still open balcony door. “Stop distracting me,” she tells Kara quietly, her eyes sparkling.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Yes, you are.” Cat’s eyes dip to Kara’s chest, where her blouse exposes just the right amount of cleavage to give Cat an eyeful without it being too much. “You’re staring. And thinking something inappropriate. Which is distracting.”

“Me?” Kara feigns surprise. “Thinking inappropriate things? Never.”

“I know what goes on in that mind of yours, Danvers.”

“And _I_ know what goes on in that mind of _yours_.” Cat is filthy, sometimes, when they’re in bed together (and god, Kara _loves_ it), a trait that Kara wouldn’t change for the world. “And I can tell exactly what you’re thinking right now.”

“And what’s that?”

“You’re thinking about getting me out of this shirt. Seeing what I’m wearing beneath these jeans.”

“I know what you’re wearing beneath those jeans,” Cat points out, eyes hungry. “I watched you put them on this morning.”

“And it gets you hot, knowing I’m wearing your underwear.” Cat’s tongue runs along her bottom lip, and Kara has to bite back a moan because Cat Grant is sex on legs and she wants her so badly that she’s regretting not taking Cat up on her offer earlier to fly them both home.

It’s ridiculous, how much she craves Cat’s touch when it was only a few hours ago that she’d been pushing Kara over the edge with those talented hands, her mouth at Kara’s ear whispering how much she’d loved her, but god, she’s aching for her again, is already impatient for the day to be over, to have Cat in her arms once more.

“Everything about you gets me hot,” Cat points out, dragging her gaze, with some effort, Kara is pleased to notice, from her chest and back to Kara’s face. “But you need to go and be sexy somewhere else, I can’t concentrate with you here.”

“Okay, okay.” She makes sure she brushes against Cat when she passes her on her way back into the office, smirks when she hears her breath catch and knows, from the dark look in Cat’s eyes, that she’s going to be paying for that later.

She can’t wait.

“Can I borrow your assistant for the afternoon?” She asks, just before she leaves the room, and Cat nods as she returns to her desk, standing with a hand on her hip as she surveys some of the papers spread out across it – Kara wishes that _she_ were spread out across it for Cat’s perusal, instead, and she thinks, from the way Cat’s eyes rise to meet hers briefly, that she knows _exactly_ what’s on Kara’s mind.

“Make sure you bring him back more competent than he was this morning,” Cat calls out to her as Kara tears her gaze away and pulls open the door, knowing that if she stays another second she’ll probably end up seizing Cat’s wrist and dragging her out of sight.

“I’ll try.”

x-x-x

_“Carter?” Kara calls his name quietly as they both sit working at their easels in their studio, Carter painting the sky as the sun sets outside the window, whilst Kara works on another piece of her memories from Krypton. “Can I ask you something?”_

_“Yeah, of course.” He senses the urgency in her tone and sets down his brush delicately, wiping his hands on the towel that hangs over the back of his chair as he turns to glance at her, and Kara has to fight not to wring her hands as she searches for the right words._

_There’s a tiny black box burning a hole in her back pocket, even though it’s only sat there once, when she’d been transferring it from the jewellers and back to their apartment, hiding it in the bottom of a drawer in Cat’s dresser that she never touches._

_She’d been thinking about asking Cat to marry her for a while, now. They’d talked about it, Kara hesitantly bringing it up one day, because she wanted nothing more than to face Cat at an altar and commit herself to her for life, but she had no idea what Cat’s thoughts on the issue were considering how her first marriage had ended._

_Her hands had shaken as she’d asked Cat if she ever would remarry, and she’d pursed her lips and said that she would only if she found the right person – said that she’d never thought she_ would _find someone to make her want that, until the day Kara had kissed her for the first time._

_And Kara’s heart had beat, rapid fire, in her chest, and Cat had looked almost nervous as she’d glanced at Kara out of the corner of her eye, as though she was still afraid of Kara skittering away when she admitted how she felt, despite them being together for over a year at the time._

_Ever since, it’s been at the back of her mind. And then last week she’d gone with Alex to pick something out for Eliza’s birthday, and she’d become enraptured by the tiny, sparkling diamond engagement ring that she’d spied in one of the cabinets, knowing it would look amazing on Cat’s finger._

_Alex had taken one look at her face and shaken her head, and Kara had gone back three days later to buy the ring, and she’s been trying to plan the perfect proposal since. A proposal that she knows she can’t even think about putting into place until she gets Carter’s permission._

_She knows she doesn’t need to worry about it, not really, because Carter adores her, and she him, but she’s still terrified, because it makes it_ real _, it makes things move forward, and she has no idea how Cat is going to react when she asks her, and the thought makes her dizzy._

_“What’s up?” Carter asks with a frown when Kara hesitates, twisting her fingers together in her lap as she takes a deep breath. “Is everything okay?”_

_“Yeah, Carter, everything’s fine.” Her hands are trembling, and she curls them into fists to stop them shaking. “I just… Okay, so your Mom and I have been together for a while,” Kara starts, and Carter’s frown deepens._

_“You’re not going to break up with her, are you?” He asks, voice panicked, and Kara’s eyes widen in alarm._

_“What? No, no, no!” She rushes to reassure him, because god, even the thought makes her feel ill. “No. I… I want to ask her to marry me.” Carter’s mouth drops open, and Kara doesn’t know if that’s a good sign or not. “And I was wondering how you’d feel if I did that.”_

_“I’d feel… amazing,” Carter breathes, excitement flashing through his eyes. “Do you really mean it?”_

_“Yeah, kid.” Kara smiles wide enough for her cheeks to begin to ache at Carter’s happy reaction. “You’d really be okay with it?”_

_“Are you kidding? Of course I would!” He bounces out of his chair and over to her, wrapping her in a hug so tight that even she struggles to breathe. “I love you, Kara. Mom.” Kara feels tears begin to fill her eyes – she’s only ever heard him call her that once before, knows it’s because he’s too timid to say it in-front of her. “Nothing would make happier than seeing you guys get hitched. Oh! Can I help you pick out the ring?”_

_“I kinda already have it.” His face falls, but then it lights up again._

_“Can I see it?”_

_“Sure, come on.” They abandon their art to wander down the hall, Cat out for the evening at some charity dinner that Kara knows she’d rather not be at. Kara feels a little guilty for not being there with her, but Supergirl had been required that afternoon, and Cat had sent her home to look after Carter, instead, giving Kara the perfect opportunity to let Carter in on her plans._

_She leads him to her and Cat’s bedroom and tugs the ring out from its hiding place, flicking the box open and presenting it a little shyly to Carter, who gasps in delight when he sees it._

_“Oh, Kara, that’s perfect. She’ll love it.”_

_“You think so?” Even though they’ve talked about it, Kara’s still full of doubts, wonders if she’s moving too fast – but Cat had told her once, when Kara hadn’t been forthcoming about something on her mind that she can’t even remember now, that she wasn’t getting any younger and she didn’t have time to let things pass her by._

_Kara just hopes she keeps that philosophy in mind when Kara sinks onto one knee in-front of her._

_“Yeah.” Carter smiles at her warmly as she snaps the box shut and slips it back into the drawer. “She loves you, she’s going to say yes, I know it. Do you know how you’re going to do it?”_

_“I have an idea.”_

_“It’s not public, right? She’d probably say no just on principle.”_

_“Come on, kid, I know your Mom better than that.” Carter nods thoughtfully. “I was thinking more private. Just the two of us. Unless… you’d want to be around.” Carter bites his lip as he thinks it over, but then he shakes his head._

_“Nah, I don’t think so. Cause you’ll probably make out a lot after and I have enough mental scarring from you guys to last me a lifetime – thank you, by the way.”_

_“You know you love us really,” Kara grins, and Carter shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes._

_“Yeah, most of the time. Just let me know when you’re gonna do it and I’ll go stay with Alex for the night or something. But you’ll probably have to do it soon, otherwise she’ll figure out you’re hiding something from her.”_

_“I am not_ that _bad at keeping secrets!”_

_“Uh, yeah, Kara. You really are.”_

x-x-x

Kara allows herself to remember the elation that had filled her on that day, when Carter had looked at her with so much love and excitement in his eyes, as she stares down at the ring shining in the box in her hands.

She didn’t allow herself to think of the proposal much, because it hurt too much to remember how in love they’d been, and how all her promises had crumbled to dust when it had come crashing down.

But now Kara is filled with more hope than she can ever remember, can hardly wait for the day when she gets to slip this ring back onto Cat’s finger, promising her a lifetime that this time, Kara will ensure she means.

She’s too lost in thought to hear the sound of a key in a lock until Alex’s front door is creaking open, and too slow to hide the ring before Alex rounds the couch and collapses down next to her, propping her feet up on the coffee table and eyeing Kara warily when she notices what she’s trying to hide in her hands.

“Okay, I know I said the other day that it didn’t matter what I think, but if you’re going to propose to Cat again already then I’m going to have to advise you to slow down,” Alex says seriously, and Kara rolls her eyes as she slips the box back into her pocket.

“I’m not!” Kara defends, ignoring the way Alex’s eyebrow raises like she doesn’t believe her. “I found it at Cat’s when I was looking for something to wear this morning.” She’d heard a rattle as she’d reached for a new shirt, and had frowned when she’d seen the little box appear, her breath catching when she’d opened it and seen what was inside, heart feeling like it was being squeezed in a tight fist within her chest. “And I thought neither one of us would want to deal with the awkwardness of finding it again, and one day I _do_ plan to propose to her again, and I’ll need the ring to do that, so I took it.”

“Okay,” Alex says, like she still doesn’t believe her, and Kara rolls her eyes. “Ready for your romantic getaway?”

“I’d hardly call a one night trip to Metropolis a romantic getaway,” Kara murmurs, though she’s still excited by the thought – she’d spent both the previous nights at Cat’s place (much to Alex’s amusement), but she’s looking forward to getting away for the night, to driving Cat wild and neither one of them having to hold back for fear of Carter hearing anything he shouldn’t. “But yeah. Cat should be here in any minute.”

As if on cue, there’s a light knock on the door a moment later, and Alex heaves herself upright to go and answer it while Kara uses a burst of superspeed to hide the ring in her bedroom before leaping over the couch to lean against it, smiling when Alex yanks the door open to reveal a grinning Carter on the other side.

“Come here,” Alex mutters before dragging him into a hug, and Kara’s smile widens when she sees Cat hovering behind his shoulder. She’s dressed down in a pair of black skinny jeans that Kara already knows will make her ass look _fantastic_ , and a white shirt thin enough for Kara to be able to make out the outline of a black lace bra beneath it.

There’s a leather jacket over her shoulders, and Kara wants to devour her.

“And you come here, too,” Alex says when she releases Carter, scooping Cat into a tight hug as well. “I couldn’t be happier for you two,” Alex murmurs into Cat’s ear.

“Thank you,” Cat replies quietly, eyes finding Kara’s over her sister’s shoulder. “And thank you for talking some sense into her – I know you had a part in her showing up at my place the other night.”

“All in a day’s work,” Alex shrugs, and Kara shakes her head, reaching out to ruffle Carter’s hair as he nears her.

“Hey, kid. How was school?” He’d started back there on Monday after a short suspension for his fighting, the cut on his lip only just beginning to heal, and both Kara and Cat have been on his case to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

“Okay,” he shrugs, and Kara knows that he doesn’t really care about it anymore, aside from his art class and his new girlfriend. “I didn’t hit anyone, so that’s a plus.” Cat tuts, released from Alex’s fierce hold, and Carter just grins at his Mom as he drops his overnight bag down at his feet.

“Bring any games?” Alex asks as she glances towards the bag – unlike her sister, Alex excels at video games, and can actually give Carter a run for his money. Cat and Kara had used to get a nights reprieve from being parents whenever a particularly big new game came out, Cat managing to get an early copy because she was Cat Grant, and they used to drop Carter off at Alex’s and leave them to it, playing long into the morning whilst Cat and Kara did a little playing of their own, alone at home in their bed.

“Yeah, a few. I hope you’re ready to be destroyed.”

“After you’ve done your homework,” Cat says warningly as she steps into Kara’s side, Kara reaching down to tangle their fingers together, running her thumb over the back of her hand.

“Yeah, yeah,” Carter brushes her off with a mutter, and Cat’s eyes turn to Alex.

“He’ll do it, I promise.”

“I wouldn’t trust her,” Kara murmurs conspiratorially. “She was a terrible student. Left everything to the last minute.” She’d still gotten full marks on practically every assignment, and it had driven Kara, who’d spent hours upon hours studying, trying to catch up on many, many years of earthly education missed to get only average grades, mad.

“Don’t you guys have somewhere to be?” Alex shoots back, and Kara grins, tugging Alex into a hug with her free arm before grabbing her bag from the floor. “We’ll see you guys tomorrow night?”

“Mhm. Have fun, you two.” Cat gives Carter one last hug and a kiss on the cheek before she drags Kara out the door and down the hall, and Kara shakes her head when she leads her to the sports car parked on the curb.

“What?” Cat asks when she notices the look on Kara’s face as she’s slipping into the passenger side of the Ferrari, Cat climbing behind the wheel.

“How am I supposed to fit anything in this thing? It’s tiny.”

“It’s deceptively large,” Cat defends, and Kara just shakes her head some more. “Okay, fine, I haven’t had a chance to take this one out on the open road before.” Cat has a sports car-related problem – Kara’s pretty sure the reason she loves flying so much (after getting over her initial fear of heights, of course), is because of the adrenaline rush. The car purrs to life beneath them, and Kara fiddles with the radio while Cat pulls out onto the road. “And we can make a few trips to Metropolis. Or get you a moving van.”

“I don’t have much stuff in my apartment, to be fair,” Kara murmurs, finding a station she likes and settling her hand on Cat’s thigh, drumming her fingers along to the beat of the song. “I don’t need any of the furniture or anything like that. It’s mostly just clothes, and my painting supplies.”

“Which will all fit.” Kara shoots the back seat of the car a dubious look, and Cat huffs a little, making her grin. “How was your day?”

“Well I woke up next to the most gorgeous woman this morning,” Kara begins, giving Cat’s thigh a gentle squeeze. “So it got off to a pretty good start.”

“Oh yeah? Anyone I know?” Cat presses on the accelerator as they get onto the highway, and Kara doesn’t need to look to know that she’s already pushing the speed limit, knows that if it was a warmer day, she’d have the top down, letting the wind rush through her hair.

“Mm, you might have heard of her,” Kara plays along, resting her head against the leather seat as she turns to face Cat, watching the way the fading light casts gorgeous shadows across the slope of her cheeks. “She’s the most powerful woman in National City, after all.”

“You must be pretty lucky, then.”

“The luckiest,” Kara agrees, and Cat’s lips twitch into a smile. “How about you? Brandon still got his job?”

“He’s… sufficient.” Kara knows he’s more than that – she’d spent two full days drilling everything he needed to know to be the perfect assistant into him, and he’d been a pretty fast learner. She’s confident that he’ll be able to stick it out with Cat for a while. “You did well.”

“Don’t I always?” Cat shoots her a sharp glance, and Kara just smiles. “How was your board meeting? David still being an asshole?”

“David will always be an asshole,” Cat mutters the name like it’s a curse. “I’m forever patiently waiting for him to retire. Sometimes I fear he’s thinking the same thing about me.” Cat shudders delicately at the thought.

“Have you ever thought about that?” Kara asks, genuinely curious. “About retiring?”

“And hand over the reins of my company to some incompetent underling?” Cat shudders again. “Over my dead body. One day I’d hoped… perhaps, that you would want to take my place.” Kara blinks in surprise as Cat shoots her an uncertain look out of the corner of her eye, wary of her reaction. “But I realised that wasn’t something you’d want.”

“I don’t know,” Kara shrugs. “I’d never really thought about it. I don’t think I’d be able to handle the stress.” She doesn’t know how Cat does it, to be honest – and having seen what it takes for her to run the company, how many hours she puts in, Kara doesn’t think it’s a job she’d be able to adapt to easily. “I think I’ll stick to junior editor, for now.”

“The Tribune will be lucky to have you back.” Kara grins, having gone in for an interview yesterday and being handed the job on the spot, getting to work back under her old boss – which meant getting to work closely with Cat once more. “As am I.” Cat reaches for Kara’s hand on her thigh and lifts it to her lips, pressing a delicate kiss to the back of it, light enough to make Kara shiver.

“I’m definitely the lucky one,” Kara murmurs, because she’s thanked her lucky stars every single morning that she’s woken up to find Cat sleeping beside her.

“I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree,” Cat says in reply, letting their joined hands drop back onto her lap. Kara smiles, watching the scenery outside flash them by as they leave the outskirts of National City behind and drive out onto the open road.

She hums quietly along to the radio and sneaks glances at Cat in her periphery, Cat’s thumb occasionally brushing against the back of her hand, her other hand curled tightly around the wheel, and Kara doesn’t remember the last time she’d felt quite as content as she does in that moment, on the way to truly begin her fresh, new start with the woman of her dreams.


	10. Chapter 10

“Want to stop for some food first?” Kara asks, a little hopefully, as they pass the first sign saying ‘welcome to Metropolis’ a little after two hours on the road. Cat is glad – her eyes had been growing a little tired after a long, drawn-out day, and she’d been thinking about stopping for a coffee break before she’d realised how close they were.

“How about we get take-out instead?”

“Okay, who are you, and what have you done with the real Cat Grant?” Kara asks with a raised eyebrow, and Cat rolls her eyes. “Because there is no way that the real Cat would ever suggest take-out over a restaurant, ever.”

“Perhaps not,” Cat acknowledges, inclining her head slightly. “But the faster we eat, the faster I can get you out of that dress,” she points out, raking her eyes down Kara’s figure, the dress sinfully tight around her curves. “And the faster I can have dessert.”

Kara laughs, delighted, but Cat knows she’ll never turn down a good pizza. She directs Cat towards her apartment whilst she lifts her phone to her ear to order food, and Cat looks around with interest as she pulls into a parking space on the street outside a large apartment complex.

“Not as awful as I imagined,” Cat hums as she glances up at the building. “An improvement on your old place, it seems.” She wrinkles her nose as she remembers that apartment – she’d been relieved when Kara had agreed to move in, because it had meant that she wouldn’t have to step foot in the place again.

“You haven’t even been inside yet,” Kara points out, and Cat just shrugs as she slides the door open and steps outside, locking the car behind them as she slides a hand into Kara’s and lets her pull her towards the doors.

“I don’t need to go inside to notice that the neighbourhood is nicer. I don’t feel like I’m likely to get mugged walking down the street.” Kara bites at her bottom lip to hide a smile as she presses the button for the elevator. “And besides, you got a pay rise when you were promoted. You’d be able to afford something a little nicer.”

“It’s probably still not up to your standards,” Kara teases, and Cat huffs as the elevator doors open and Kara presses the number thirteen.

“Well, of course it won’t be, darling. No apartment can be – I had mine built from scratch, after all.” It had been worth the stress of designing it for herself when she’d finally got to move in. “I’m just glad you weren’t living in squalor, that’s all.”

“Oh, so that’s what my old place was?” Kara’s eyes sparkle with warmth, and it makes Cat’s heart tingle in that most ridiculous of ways. “Squalor?”

“Maybe a little.” Kara chuckles, leading Cat out of the elevator as the doors slide open, Cat padding quietly down the hallway behind her.

“Here we are,” Kara murmurs as she unlocks her door and presses it open, inviting Cat in with a wave of her hand. “Home sweet home.” A light flickers to life, and Cat takes in the open-plan room in-front of her with inquisitive eyes.

“Hey, Kara.” The door opposite the hall opens, a face peering out, and Cat doesn’t like the look in the guy’s eyes when she turns on her heel, Kara shifting a little awkwardly even as she smiles warmly at this mysterious stranger. “I thought I heard your door.”

“Because that’s not creepy at all,” Cat mutters under her breath – Kara hears it, though, coughs to hide a chuckle.

“Uh, yeah.”

“I haven’t seen you around for a few days.”

“I’ve been in National City.” Cat doesn’t like his curiosity, likes even less the way his eyes linger at Kara’s chest, revealing a little more skin than usual in her dress, and Cat’s eyes narrow as she takes a threatening step forward, only Kara’s hand on the small of her back stopping her. “I’m actually moving back there, I just came to grab some more of my stuff.”

“You’re leaving?” He looks crestfallen, and it makes Cat delighted.

“Mhm.” Kara’s neighbour takes note of Cat, then, and the protective way she’s stood, and she watches realisation dawn across his face before he frowns.

“Who’s your friend?”

“Uh, this is my girlfriend.” Cat smiles, predatorily at the guy, showing all her teeth, her pulse racing just like it always does whenever she hears Kara call her that. “And we actually have some stuff to do, so if you’ll excuse us.” She tugs Cat backwards into her apartment and slams the door behind them, eager to get Cat out of the way before she says something scathing.

“I like this place a lot less now that I’ve seen who lives here,” she sniffs, and Kara huffs out a laugh. “Not that I can blame him for finding you attractive, I suppose,” Cat muses, reaching for Kara’s hips and tugging her closer, so that they’re flush together. “You are undeniably beautiful.”

“And I’m also all yours,” Kara reminds her, and Cat makes a pleased noise at that (and the way that the words make her stomach flip), as she leans up on her toes to press her lips against Kara’s, letting out a happy sigh at the feeling, knows she’ll never tire of the way it feels, the way Kara yields beneath her touch, parting her lips for Cat’s tongue and tangling a hand in her hair.

Cat abandons her hold on Kara’s waist to instead slip her hands beneath the skirt of her dress, resting her palms on the warm skin at the top of Kara’s thighs, feeling strong muscle ripple beneath her fingertips as Kara pushes her gently back against the wall.

The noise of a buzzer has them pulling apart a few moments later, Cat left breathless by the heat of Kara’s mouth moving against her own, and she takes a moment to compose herself whilst Kara goes to answer the door, running a hand through her hair as she tries to catch her breath.

She wanders around the apartment whilst Kara pays for the pizza, getting a glimpse of what Kara’s post-Cat life had been like. It’s much the same as her old apartment, homely and lived-in, and nothing like Cat’s place would ever be.

She finds Kara’s collection of paintings and catches her breath at what she sees. They’re dark and stormy, bleak colours that bleed into the bright white of the canvas, an expression of misery potent enough to make Cat’s chest ache.

Intermingled with the landscapes and abstract paintings are some portraits of her, and Cat frowns as she glances at them, at the way Kara’s sadness seems to have seeped into the lines of her face, reverently drawn, and she jumps when she hears Kara’s voice behind her shoulder, not realised she’d moved away from the door.

“I was trying to make sure I didn’t forget anything about you,” she murmurs when she notices what’s caught Cat’s attention, and Cat lets the canvas fall back into place at the centre of the pile, not wanting to look at it anymore. “But I forgot so much. The light in your eyes whenever you smile, the curve of your lips.” She reaches up a hand to cup Cat’s cheek, thumb brushing against her bottom lip. “The little frown you get right here,” she taps the centre of Cat’s forehead, right between her eyebrows, “when you’re stressed.” Her eyes are dark and filled with wonder as they look down at her, her hands careful where they hold Cat’s face and waist, as though she’s holding the world within them. “I could never capture your essence on canvas, no matter how many times I tried.”

“I don’t know,” Cat murmurs, voice quiet and breathing heavy, affected by Kara’s light touches on her skin. “I’ve seen most of your paintings, and they’re beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” Kara tells her like it’s obvious, and Cat shakes her head, leans upwards to press a gentle kiss against her lips.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Cat asks when she pulls away, arms draped over Kara’s hips.

“You were you,” Kara replies simply, dipping her head to brush a kiss just beneath the corner of Cat’s jaw. “Amazing.” Another kiss, slightly below the first, Cat’s breathing growing laboured. “Beautiful.” She bites lightly at Cat’s pulse point. “ _Powerful_.” Cat lets out a little whimper as Kara’s teeth nip harder. “Honest.” Cat’s eyes flutter closed as Kara’s nose skims along her neck, mouth pressing against her ear. “Loving. Trusting. Open. Everything I’ve ever needed, everything I’ve ever wanted. Sometimes I think I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you, my hands shaking around the papers I brought with me for my interview, terrified when you were questioning me. God, you looked so hot that day.” Kara’s voice is rough, and it makes Cat’s heart pound. “I thought for sure you were going to send me packing, but you hired me on the spot.”

“You were the only one who didn’t stammer about how impossible your schedule would be.” Cat had seen something in Kara’s eyes – she’d been quiet, stuttering and awkward, but she’d seen a potential there, hovering beneath the surface. And when Cat had told her that she expected her assistant to be at her side at all times during the working day, no matter how early to how late, Kara had been the only one of her potential candidates to nod determinedly instead of shying away. “I knew there was something different about you, even then. I just had no idea… no idea how much you would change my life.”

“For the better?” Kara’s voice wavers, like she’s still a little unsure, like she’s still terrified of messing this up, that the damage she’d done six months ago will never quite heal, and Cat’s eyes flicker open, locking with Kara’s and urging her to sense her sincerity.

“God, Kara, _yes_ for the better.” Kara’s lips curl into a smile, but there’s still some vulnerability swimming in her eyes that Cat longs to soothe away. “The first time I felt true, unadulterated happiness was the day I held Carter in my arms for the very first time, and I never thought that anything would ever come close to topping that. But the day you kissed me, the day you first told me you loved me, the day you asked me to marry you and made me the happiest, luckiest woman alive on this planet… they’re all up there, too. I never thought I’d fall in love again, I’ve told you that before. I never expected to, I never _wanted_ to but you… falling in love with you was easy. You made it easy, and I’m thankful for you and everything you did for me every single day.”

Kara’s eyes fill with tears, and Cat is quick to wipe any away before they can fall. “We really need to stop making each other cry, don’t we?” Cat adds with a small smile, and Kara gives her a watery smile right back.

“I love you so much.” Kara’s lips find hers as she kisses Cat open-mouthed and messy, and Cat groans into her mouth at the desperation she can all but taste on Kara’s tongue as she drags her closer. They part with a laugh when Kara’s stomach grumbles angrily, a wide smile on Cat’s mouth as she leans away and pushes Kara back slightly with firm hands on the younger woman’s shoulders. 

“Food first,” she tells her, taking Kara’s hand and tugging her over to the couch, to where the pizza that had been long-forgotten about sits waiting for them on the coffee table. “Kissing later.”

Kara looks like she wants to disagree, but then Cat flips open the lid of the pizza box and she watches Kara’s eyes light up in that way they do whenever she’s presented with food, and Cat nibbles delicately at a slice whilst Kara enthusiastically devours several.

“Can I ask you something?” Kara says a little while later, as she’s licking tomato sauce from her fingers in the most distracting of ways, making Cat temporarily forget about the second slice of pizza held in her hand.

“Always.”

“What did you _really_ think about me the first time you met me?”

“That’s a loaded question,” Cat murmurs as she regards Kara closely, and she just shrugs. “Well it wasn’t love at first sight, but I think you already know that.” Kara hums, and waits for her to continue. “I thought you were naïve, innocent, fresh out of college and with no experience of the real world.” One of her greatest joys in the past few years had been watching Kara grow from the nervous girl she’d been when she’d first come to Cat in to the hero she is now. “I thought you were too nervy, too easily startled, and I didn’t think you’d last the week,” she confesses, and Kara smiles softly at the admission. “I was surprised by how well you did, how you were always improving. How you made my life easier, _better_. And it wasn’t until later, months and months later, that I realised that I could no longer imagine a life without you in it. That I didn’t _want_ to. And I pushed and I pushed you because that terrified me, but you never went anywhere, always stayed by my side, and before I knew it I realised that what I felt towards you wasn’t something I _should_ be feeling for someone who was my assistant. And you know the rest.”

She isn’t sure why Kara’s asking her this, but she likes the soft look in her eyes as she listens to Cat speak, no longer hates the way it makes her heart thud in her chest, no longer feels derision towards herself for being reduced to a sappy teenager because of the way Kara makes her feel.

“When did you fall in love with me?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.” She never had a grand ‘aha’ moment. It had happened slowly, achingly slowly, Kara taking down every single one of her walls carefully, until nothing remained but her heart, there for the taking. “I think I was in love with you before we got together, though I didn’t admit it to myself for a while later. Why?”

“Just wondering,” Kara shrugs, and Cat eyes her curiously as she finished off her pizza, wondering if she’s going to elaborate. “If you could go back to the start, would you do anything differently?”

“I’d maybe yell at you less,” Cat tries to make a joke, but it doesn’t make the thoughtfulness clear from Kara’s eyes. “But no, I don’t think I would. I don’t know if we’d be here, where we are, if things had happened differently.”

“I think I would have kissed you earlier.”

“Which would have been a bad move,” Cat murmurs, sliding slightly closer to Kara on the couch. “Because I don’t think I would have let you in if you had. I was scared of the way I felt for you, scared I’d ruin you, and if you’d have moved sooner I… I don’t know if I would’ve pushed you away.”

“You could never ruin me, you know that, right?” Cat just hums, because she thinks she might have already done just that. “You’re the single greatest thing that’s ever happened to me,” Kara says, regarding her seriously. “Everything that’s happened to me in my life… it was all worth it, because it brought me to you.”

“And I, you.” Kara smiles, reaches for her and tugs her closer, so that Cat’s curled up in her lap, Kara’s arms wrapping around her waist. It’s nice to just be held, for their hands not to wander, to just relax in Kara’s warm and familiar embrace, feels lighter than she can remember feeling in a long time.

“Do you still want to get married?” Kara’s voice, so close to her ear, startles her – as do the words, and Cat searches carefully for the right words to reply.

“One day? Yes, I would think so.” She reaches for Kara’s hands, clasped in-front of her stomach, and toys idly with her fingers. “But we just started this up again, Kara.” She knows they’re both desperate to get back to what they’d had before, but she also knows that it won’t be easy, that it will take time for their old wounds to heal.

“I know.” Kara squeezes her closer. “I’m not saying _now_ , I just… I thought I’d ask. Check.”

“My feelings towards you haven’t changed, Kara.” She shifts in her arms so that they’re facing one another, sliding her arms over Kara’s shoulders as she settles a knee on either side of her hips. “And I still want all of the same things as before, but I think, before we even start to think about such serious things that we should perhaps do a little more… reconnecting first.”

“Oh yeah?” Kara quirks an eyebrow, and Cat licks her lips at the look she sees in those eyes as Kara’s hands slip from her waist to her ass, squeezing gently and making Cat’s hips rock forward slightly. “ _This_ kind of reconnecting?”

“It’s almost like you can read my mind.”

x-x-x

Cat wakes the following morning to the sound of a pencil scratching against paper, blinks her eyes open to find Kara sitting, naked, against the headboard beside her, a sketchbook spread open on her knees and a tiny frown of concentration between her brows, tongue poking between her teeth.

“Sorry,” Kara murmurs, a little sheepishly when she notices Cat’s gaze. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay.” Cat stretches her arms above her head, the sheet falling down to her waist. Kara sets the sketchbook down carefully, leaving it open so she doesn’t smudge the delicate lines on the page. “Come here.”

“I need to go wash my - ” Cat cuts her off by curling a hand around her wrist and tugging Kara down to meet her in a lazy kiss. One of Kara’s hands dances along Cat’s side and down over her hip, and she shivers – when their lips part Cat glances down to see smoky charcoal coating her skin from Kara’s fingertips, ghosting over some of the bruises from the night before, and feels a flash of heat flood through her at the way the marks look against pale flesh. “Hands,” Kara finishes, smirking when she notices the look in Cat’s eye.

She wonders if Kara is thinking about that one time that Kara had painted the sunrise on Cat’s back, driving her wild with soft, reverent strokes of a paintbrush against her skin as she’d stretched out across the sheets on Kara’s bed, warm thighs settled on either side of her ass. She’d sat there for hours while she’d let Kara work, and when she was done, taking a photo so that Cat could see the result, Cat had yanked Kara on-top of her and stained the sheets with a kaleidoscope of colours as Kara’s fingers had dipped between her thighs.

Kara trails a grey-tipped finger down the centre of Cat’s chest, drawing a swirling pattern between her breasts and over her stomach, Cat shivering at the sensations it draws from her, heart beating quickly in her chest.

Kara’s gaze turns cheeky, then, and she deliberately swipes her fingertips across Cat’s hip, and when she pulls her hands away, Kara’s name is emblazoned across her skin in dark colours.

“You do know you don’t need to stake a claim on me, right?” Cat asks, amusement colouring her voice. “I’ve already told you, I’m all yours, and I always will be. Even when I’m old and grey and you still look like a model.” Cat sighs a little wistfully, and Kara’s eyes narrow a little.

“Does that bother you?”

“Mm, yes and no.” Cat’s eyes focus on Kara’s face as she continues to trace aberrant patterns across her hips. “Obviously I knew before we went into this that there was a rather considerable age gap. Admittedly, I thought it would get in the way, and was pleasantly surprised to find that it did not.” There were at such different stages in their lives, had had such vastly different experiences, but they just worked so _well_ together, and it never ceased to amaze her. “Sometimes I do worry that, perhaps in five years’ time when Pilates stops doing wonders for me, that you might wonder what else is out there. Might wonder what it would be like to be with someone your own age.”

Her voice is quiet, vulnerable in the way that she’s only ever allowed herself to be around Kara. It’s not a thought that she’s voiced aloud before. She’s confident in the way she looks, she’s worked hard to get the body that she has and she knows she looks damn good but she also knows that it won’t last forever. And Kara… Kara is beautiful and magnificent and otherworldly, and Cat knows she could have anyone she wanted.

One day she fears that that person might no longer be her.

“ _Never_ ,” Kara swears vehemently, looking horrified by the mere thought. “I will never want anyone the way I want you.” Cat wants to tell her that she might feel differently in a few years’ time, but it’s been nearly two and a half already, and Cat thinks that maybe this _will_ last, maybe this will be her only relationship to stand the test of time, and she can trust Kara not to trade her in for a younger model like her ex-husband. “Let me show you just how _much_ I want you…”

Kara kisses a trail down the side of her neck, mouth moving delicately across her skin as Cat’s hands tangle in her hair. Usually she’d chastise Kara for teasing her, but she’s still relaxed from sleep, already a little boneless, and she’s content to sigh happily as Kara’s tongue dips into the hollow of her collarbone and swirls, lets her head rest back against the pillows and surrenders herself to the feeling of Kara’s talented mouth moving against her.

Kara worships her body like it’s her altar, leaving no inch of her skin untouched by the reverent brush of her lips. By the time she kisses a path between Cat’s thighs, she’s already trembling, wet enough to have dampened the sheets beneath her even before the first gentle touch of Kara’s tongue against her clit.

She’s worked up enough to know she won’t last long, throws one leg over Kara’s shoulder and her head back, arching against Kara’s mouth as she flicks her tongue in quick circles, and she comes with a strangled cry of Kara’s name, hands holding her head in place as she grinds against her face, desperately chasing the aftershocks that leave her trembling long after Kara has pulled away.

Cat looks up at her, a little dazed, as Kara slinks her way back up Cat’s body, kissing her lightly, just once, before stretching out on the bed beside her, watching as she tries desperately to get her breath back, Kara’s fingers tangled with her own.

“I’m not leaving you again,” Kara says after a few moments of peaceful silence. “Not because of my powers, not to keep you safe, and _definitely_ not because someone younger and prettier comes along because they will always, always, pale in comparison to you. To the way that I see you. To the way that I _love_ you.”

Cat opens her eyes to find Kara gazing down at her with soft, earnest eyes, feels a little choked up and has absolutely no idea what kind of good karma had gifted her with this woman, who can see to the heart of her and still love her so openly, so _completely_ , and Cat knows that she will never be able to make Kara comprehend just how much she means to her, no matter how hard she tries.

She settles for trying to show her, instead, slipping a hand between their bodies and groaning when she finds Kara slick against her fingertips. Kara’s forehead rests against Cat’s as she presses two fingers inside, Kara’s breath on her lips and her eyes never leaving Cat’s as Cat works her towards the edge slowly, watching every minute reaction that flickers across her face, the way her eyes darken and her pupils widen with every curl of Cat’s fingers.

She kisses Cat when she comes, quietening the sound of her moans, and pants against her mouth for several long minutes afterwards, before burying her face in Cat’s neck, Cat’s arms winding around her waist and holding her close.

“I never want to leave this bed,” Kara murmurs against her skin, and Cat grins because she knows the feeling, would like nothing more than to spend the day wrapped in Kara’s arms and ignoring any and all of her responsibilities.

“I know, love,” she murmurs as she rubs gently at the small of her back. “But you have a wedding rehearsal tonight and I have a son to rescue from the terrible influence of your sister.” She feels Kara grin against her neck. “And you need to pack up your things, so you can come back to National City with me.”

It almost makes her dizzy, to think that just two weeks ago, her heart had been so full of despair, her life so empty and dull, whereas now it explodes with colour. Two weeks ago Kara would have been curled up in this bed alone, perhaps there would have been tears in her eyes, her dreams filled with thoughts of Cat just as Cat’s had been filled with Kara, and now they’re wrapped around each other like they never want to let go.

“In a minute,” Kara grumbles, and Cat laughs quietly at her reluctance. Eventually she moves, pressing one last kiss to Cat’s lips before clambering from the bed, tugging on a pair of boyshorts and a tank top, before she disappears into the bathroom.

She emerges with a fresh face and clean hands, and Cat leans up against the headboard and watches her gather up the things she’s taking back with her for a while. Her skin is stained from the touches of Kara’s hands, her thighs dark with charcoal from where she’d spread them apart, and she admires the sight of them for long moments, the evidence of Kara’s desire for her.

She retires to the shower soon after, not wanting to wash it away but knowing, as the water runs briefly grey and her skin comes away clean, that Kara will replace them soon enough.

Maybe not as tangibly as with the stroke of pencil marks, but perhaps with the brush of her mouth, the gentle scratch of her nails, the bruises of her fingertips digging into her skin whenever Cat makes her lose control, or simply the weight of a heated gaze against her skin.

Regardless, Cat knows that Kara’s love will forever be imprinted on her skin.

x-x-x

 "Is this seat taken?" Cat startles at the sound of a voice close to her ear, whirling in her seat and smiling when she recognises the blonde hovering over her, one hand curled around the back of the chair on Cat's right.

"Eliza!" Carter is quicker to react, scrambling to his feet and enveloping Eliza in a hug that lifts her almost a foot off the ground. "I didn’t think you were coming!"

"Neither did I," she replies with a chuckle as Carter sets her down, both of them settling back down in their seats. "But I managed to get some time off work, so I thought I'd come down and surprise everyone. How are you both?"

"Much better than I was a week ago," Cat says with an easy smile, barely able to believe that this time seven days ago, she'd been wringing her hands as she'd waited impatiently for the hour to arrive when Carter would leave for his date and Kara could come over so that they could talk.

"Kara told me what happened." Eliza's smile is warm. "I'm glad you two got everything worked out, and maybe in a few months I can watch my baby girl get walked down an aisle like this one." Eliza raises an eyebrow, and Cat laughs – she had been the most overjoyed by Kara's proposal, had been heavily involved in the few plans that they'd started to make before everything had changed.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." God, she wants it, though. She's been unable to think about anything else since she'd stepped foot in this church, wondering what it would be like to stand at that altar like James has been for the past few minutes, waiting for the love of her life to join her.

She's barely seen Kara since they got back from Metropolis, her girlfriend too busy trying to prevent Lucy having a meltdown, and even though it's only been two days since she'd had Kara in her arms she _misses_ her (kind of pathetically, and three years ago she would have scoffed at herself for feeling things like this but now she's too drunk on love to care), can't wait to see her walking out behind Lucy, even if she'd prefer it if they were alone.

They'd have tonight, though – and a lifetime of nights, if Cat gets her way, a lifetime of love and laughter and instead of waking up in the morning and dreading the onset of the day, now she wakes with a smile on her face and happiness in her heart, because Kara is back in her life and she doesn’t feel like she's falling apart anymore.

"But I'll get my wedding?" Eliza presses, while Carter grins and Cat rolls her eyes.

"Yes, Eliza, one day you'll get your wedding." Her eyes flash with excitement before she pulls Cat into a hug, and she allows herself to relax in the warm embrace – she's missed Eliza's presence in her life, the warmth with which she'd always treated her (after Cat had convinced her that she was absolutely and completely head over heels in love with her daughter and wouldn't do a thing to hurt her, anyway). She was a friend more than anything else, more loving and kind than Cat's mother had ever been to her and Cat is glad, that out of everyone on earth, Kara had found her way to the Danvers' door. "And you can have a daughter-in-law old enough to be your sister."

"I've told you a thousand times before, Cat," Eliza replies patiently, "as long as you're both happy, then age doesn't matter." Eliza was the first person Cat had ever really talked to about her reservations about the age gap, one night where they'd gone out for drinks and Cat had had three too many martinis. And instead of shutting her down in three seconds flat like her own mother would have done, Eliza had let her get everything out, helped her sort through her swirling thoughts, and assured her she and Kara could make it work, because she'd never seen her daughter as happy as she was whenever she had Cat in her arms.

"It might when I'm being run ragged by a moody teenager," Carter throws her a playful glare, "an enthusiastic superhero and a crying baby," Cat mutters, more to herself than anything else, but Eliza's eyes brighten even further.

"You mean I might get some grandchildren, too?"

"I would like to think so, yes." Eliza beams, and Carter looks pleased, too – Cat knows he's looking forward to becoming a big brother, knows that he'll make a fantastic one. "Not anytime soon," she warns, seeing Eliza's excitement.

"Why not? It's not like you're getting any younger." She's teasing, her eyes bright, but Cat lets out a little scoff as Eliza nudges her with her shoulder.

"I changed my mind – that seat _is_ taken," she huffs, and Eliza just laughs. They fall silent as music begins to play behind them, turning as one to watch as the doors open, bright sunlight spilling into the church as Lois, Alex and Kara proceed Lucy on her father's arm.

Cat's breath catches as she lays eyes on her girlfriend, looking gorgeous despite the slightly unflattering dress, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses, beatific smile crossing her lips when she lays eyes on Cat sitting in the third row.

Cat is completely and utterly captivated by her, can't tear her eyes away even when James and Lucy are reading their vows (she's sure they're sappy and wonderful and knows they will pale in comparison to her own, which she will spend months agonising over until satisfied that they're perfect, but still knowing they will never be perfect enough to encapsulate just how much Kara has come to mean to her). She can't stop imagining how Kara would look in a white gown, styled like those from her home planet, the way her eyes would fill with tears as Cat vowed to spend the rest of her life at her side, and she feels longing curl through her gut, run through her veins like blood, and she wants it more than she's ever wanted anything else in the world.

Soon, she tells herself as James and Lucy seal their union with a kiss, man and wife, and Kara's gaze finds hers across the pews and Cat knows that she's thinking exactly the same thing, that she's waiting for the day when Cat's lips will brush hers in-front of their mismatched family and friends.

Kara catches the bouquet, because of course she does, a grin on her face as she holds the flowers tightly to her chest before approaching Cat, pressing them into her hands as she presses a gentle kiss against her lips.

"I've missed you."

"And you've not missed me?" Eliza pipes up from Cat's side, looking mildly offended. "The woman that's raised you for the past fifteen years?"

"I saw you like two hours ago!" Kara defends, though she does reach out to yank Eliza into a one-armed hug, the other arm wrapped around Cat's waist.

"And before that you hadn't seen for nearly four months," Eliza sniffs. "When was the last time you saw Cat? This morning?"

"Two days ago, actually."

"The horror." Kara makes a face and Eliza grins. "Where's your sister?"

"Probably trying to avoid the date Lucy's trying to set her up with," Kara murmurs, leaning on her tiptoes to scan for Alex over the heads of the people milling around them on the curb outside the church. "There she is. Alex!" She calls, raising a hand to wave her over.

"I want family photos," Eliza demands as Alex reaches them, stepping out from under Kara's arm and pulling a camera from her pocket. "Get over there, under that tree." Kara lets out the long-suffering sigh of someone who's been put through many impromptu photoshoots in her life before trudging after her sister.

"And where do you think you're going?" Eliza asks when Cat takes a step in the other direction, hands resting lightly on Carter's shoulders. "You're part of this family," Eliza continues, voice gentle and gaze soft, and Cat feels her throat grow tight at the words. "The both of you. So under that tree, chop chop."

Carter grins and takes Cat's hand, dragging her towards where Kara and Alex are standing in the shade of the huge oak. "Did I mention how much I liked this dress?" Kara asks, mouth close to Cat's ear whilst they wait for Eliza to decide where best to position the lot of them, her hands settling at Cat's hips, eyes running across the planes of Cat's collarbones, left exposed by the strapless design, from over her shoulder. "You look stunning."

"As do you."

"Uh, I definitely do _not_ , but thanks for saying so anyway."

"Oh please, yes you do. You could make a plastic bag look flattering, Kara, with very little effort at all." Kara dips her head to press a kiss against her cheek, before she's ordered to the side to pose for a photo with her sister, Eliza taking another of Cat tucked into Carter's side. Cat then wrestles the camera from Eliza to snap one the proud mother between her daughters.

Cat hands her phone over to Alex so that she can get one of her being dwarfed by both her son and her girlfriend (despite the five inch heels she'd donned that morning), the same time Eliza takes one with her camera, the flash blinding the three of them and Cat knows she'll be setting it as her background the second her phone is back in her hand.

They recruit Winn to take a photo of the five of them, Eliza in the middle with Kara on one hip and Alex on the other, Cat wrapped in Kara's arms and Alex's hands around Carter's shoulders, and Cat knows that she's found herself a family for life.

When Alex hands her phone back she sees the elder Danvers sister had snapped a few more pictures of her and Kara, and Cat is shocked by the relaxed expression on her face, the corners of her eyes crinkling with her smile, green eyes shining brightly in the sunlight.

It's such a striking difference from what she'd used to be confronted by in the mirror, her eyes dull and empty, expression dark and bleak and she marvels, not for the first time, at the visceral change that Kara can bring out in her, how she can transform Cat's mood with just the gentle brush of her fingertips, or the softness of a sweet smile.

"You okay?" Cat glances up from her screen to find Kara standing in-front of her, looking down at her with a fond smile.

"Never better. Your sister is quite the photographer." She turns her phone and watches Kara's eyes soften at the picture.

"We look happy."

"Well we are, aren't we?" Kara's head snaps up, her smile as radiant as the sun shining high above them.

"Of course we are." Cat slides her phone into her bag in favour of sliding her arms over Kara's shoulders, clasping her hands at the back of her neck. "I keep imagining... wondering what it would have been like if this was our wedding day," she says quietly, a wistful note to her voice that Cat aches to wipe away.

"Me too," she admits softly. Kara’s hands settle at her hips, tugging her closer so that they’re chest to chest. “I keep thinking about how beautiful you’d look, how happy Carter and your mother would be.”

“How Alex would be trying to pretend that she’s not about to cry because her little sister is all grown up,” Kara continues with a grin. “How Lucy would be an actual sobbing mess.” Cat laughs softly because she can imagine it all perfectly. “How it would feel to be able to call you my wife.” Cat’s smile widens, a little thrill going through her at the thought, of what it would be like to be Cat Danvers-Grant.

She’d told Kara she’d drop her last name, if she wanted, and take Danvers as her own. Kara had been horrified, because Cat Grant wasn’t just her name – it was a brand, and she had refused to change her name when she’d gotten married the first time. But that had been different; she hadn’t even thought about taking her husband’s name, but with Kara… with Kara she wanted it, wanted the whole world to know who she was married to, that she was luckiest woman in the world.

She knew Kara didn’t want to change her own name, because she’d already lost one. Zor-El was rarely uttered on earth (though Cat uses her full Kryptonian name when she’s _mad_ ), and Danvers was important to her, was an integral part of her identity, representative of the family that had taken her in and given her so much more than she would ever be able to repay.

So after arguing about it for several days, they’d eventually decided to combine their surnames, and Cat had insisted they be in alphabetical order so that she could still hear herself as Cat Danvers whenever she was meeting someone new.

“Hey, you two!” Lucy’s voice carries from over Kara’s shoulder, and they both turn to see Lucy looking at them with exasperated eyes. “I’m happy for you and everything, but this is supposed to my day – stop looking more loved up than me and James.”

“Sorry, Luce,” Kara calls back as she takes Cat’s hands and tugs her over. “Can’t help it. My girlfriend’s kinda hot.”

“Hell yeah she is,” Lucy agrees, and Cat smirks.

“You look lovely yourself, Lucy.” Cat’s smile is warm, even as she notices Lucy’s sister hovering over her shoulder. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Lucy beams, before she’s distracted by James calling her over to where he and Clark stand chatting with Eliza a few feet away.

“Lois,” Cat murmurs when she doesn’t follow her sister away, eyeing the other woman carefully – though she has a scathing tongue when it comes to the eldest Lane sibling, she hasn’t seen the woman herself for several months, and hasn’t spoken to her aside from the occasional snide comment at an award show in years.

“Kitty,” she replies, and Cat’s eyes narrow into a glare – Kara squeezes her hand, sensing she’s about to snap something.

“Be nice,” she murmurs into Cat’s ear. “She helped me out a lot these past few months. And she’s dating my cousin – if we get married and they get married, one day you’ll be family.” Cat gives a delicate little shudder, and feels Kara’s laugh against her cheek.

“Kara,” Lois says, a little more warmly, and Cat supposes maybe she can lift her grudge, for Kara. That perhaps Lois isn’t as awful as she used to be, if she’d allowed Kara to move in with her without question, and had been there for her when Cat could not. “How are you doing?”

“Good.” Kara’s thumb brushes against the back of Cat’s hand idly, and a simple touch should not be so distracting but when it’s Kara, god, it _is_.

“You quit the Daily Planet.”

“Yeah.” Kara sounds a little apologetic, but Cat knows she doesn’t regret the decision. “Sorry, but… there a bigger things for me here.” Cat sees Kara glance at her out of the corner of her eye, and smiles. “This is where I belong.”

“I can see that,” Lois says, more warmly than Cat has heard her speak in a long, long time, since the two of them had been something like friends, back in the beginning. “You look… better. Brighter. An emotion that I never thought Cat Grant would bring out of anyone, ever.” Lois’ voice is teasing, but Cat’s eyes still narrow into slits. “It looks good on you. On both of you.”

“Thank you,” Cat says stiffly, after a heavy pause, and Lois lets out a little laugh at the expression in her face before flitting away to where her boyfriend is standing with the bride and groom.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Kara teases, and Cat lets out a delicate little sigh.

“I suppose not.”

“Come on.” Kara takes her hand and tugs her towards the handful of cars waiting to take wedding guests to the location of the after party, Cat and Kara folding into the back of a town car with Carter, Alex, Eliza and Hank.

Cat looks at them all and knows that she’s found a home, in the most unlikely of places. Kara’s eyes are alight as she tells them all the story of how Lucy had called her at four a.m. and demanded she come over to stop her stressing out, her hand resting on Cat’s upper thigh and her thumb brushing against her skin, and Cat knows she will never meet another woman like her, that no-one will ever change her life as much as Kara had managed to in the relatively short amount of time that they’ve known one another.

No-one will ever fit into her life with the ease that Kara has managed, loving her son like he was her own, and taking up a space in Carter’s heart that previously only Cat had been able to fill. Kara has let Cat into her life, every aspect of it, given both her and Carter a family bigger and better than she ever could have imagined for the two of them, everything that Cat had never had as a child but had always wanted for her son.

Later, she dances in Kara’s warm embrace, her hands on Kara’s shoulders and Kara’s around her waist, their foreheads pressed together as they breathe one another in, the eyes of their family watching them with happy, content smiles because they’d finally managed to find their way back to one another.

And it won’t be easy, Cat knows that, but love never is. Love is messy and it’s hard but when it’s real it’s _worth_ it, and she knows, as she looks at Kara, so full of happiness that Cat has to keep reminding her that they’re in public so that she doesn’t float them several feet off of the ground, that this is the realest thing she’s ever felt in her life.

What they have is real and potent and it takes her breath away, makes her heart race and her skin tingle, and tonight she will take Kara in her arms, lose herself in heated touches and gasping breaths and never want to come up for air.

Kara will tell her how much she loves her with soft gazes and the heat of her mouth, with reverent touches and the slow stroke of her fingers, and Cat will hold her close and know that all the pain and torment that she’d suffered through for those awful months when Kara had been gone had been worth it when she sees the look in Kara’s eyes when she whispers ‘I love you’ over and over again, brighter than a thousand suns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was super close to my heart, and I am so glad that people have enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it, and I hope you liked the ending, too. Thank you so much to everyone who's commented and left kudos, I appreciate it so, so much. 
> 
> Another huge, huge thank you to residentgeekmonkey for helping me out with this fic, and for making it readable. You're a star.
> 
> Hopefully people will be happy to hear that, because I lack self-control when it comes to writing about these two, I'm already several chapters into writing my next fic. It's an AU, and a /lot/ more lighthearted than this one was. I'm not sure when it will be posted, but it will be along at some point!
> 
> Thank you all again, until next time :)


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